Am I wasting my time

[reginamatthew]

I have been single for over 10 years now. I am a 37 year old female about to turn 38. I have a wonderful 13 year old son. I met a guy in July. We talked several times but we did not have our first date until the very end of July. After that we talked on the phone for hours and went out numerous times but never became official and continued to openingly date others but we agreed to not sleep with anyone else. In September I began to feel as if it was not going to go anywhere because he was still ok with me having other dates so I ended it. We rarely spoke during the time part and had no dates. In late December we began to date each other heavily again. Then in January agreed to be “exclusive”. Me dilemma is he is very sweet with me and acts as if he is interested but he has relationship commitment issues. He says he can only take one day at a time because if he gets too serious with someone he begins to over analyze them causing the relationship to fail. Since then I have learned that I am in need of a hysterectomy. I am torn! He has had a vasectomy and can’t not nor does he want more children. I used to say I did not want more since my son is 13 and I am almost 38. I think the problem is I do but have felt is not possible since I am still unmarried after 10 years with no hope anytime soon. If I were with someone and serious enough and knew they didn’t want and/pr couldn’t have kids I would be ok with the hysterectomy. But I am not sure where our relationship is going to go. What if I meet someone (which I have in the past) that wants kids and I have closed that door. I have very frequent periods and other problems and the only way to end them is through this. I could put it off as I have in the past but then relationship troubles occur when your are consistently on a cycle. Am I wasting my time with this guy? His flaws??? He does drink too much and has commitment issues but other than that we get along GREAT and he treats me great! Help what to do??? Should I keep trying with him or ditch him? Am I wasting my time or is it too soon to know?

[vashti]

Hysterectomy possibilities aside, I don't think anyone in their right mind should plan to have a baby with someone who has known alcohol issues. That is my professional opinion, based on first-hand experience.

If you NEED a hysterectomy, you can have have them harvest (then store) your eggs first, and make the decision about whether or not to have more babies later.

But seriously, don't do it with an alcoholic. Babies deserve better than that.

[reginamatthew]

He can't have children and that why if I knew it was going to work I would acceot that and the hysterectomy. However I hate to close the door then later meet someone who wants children. His drinking is an issue but he does seem to be working on it. When he was out of work he drank more and now that he is working it is only on weekends he says. Weekends just happens to be when we are together. Am I wasting my time on someone with committment issues or am I expecting the relationship to develop to fast?

[vashti]

You sound pretty desperate to me, since you are willing to make excuses about his drinking, and really, when we are desperate, we don't act in our own best interests.

[xxazurexx]

I'd close the door on him. IMO and if he was going to committ, he'd have done it before now.