Crush = Sadness?

[anonymous1987]

Hey Guys!
I'm a 23 year old guy. I have a question about crushes, i.e. the early phase of dating, before you know for sure whether or how much the other side likes you back.

For some reason, whenever I have a crush, I get sad. This is completely independent of how the "object of desire" feels about me. For example, I just asked this cute girl out (I'm not unexperienced but I don't do that often) and I only got positive signals from her - we're having dinner tomorrow. Yet, I'm sitting here and instead of looking forward to tomorrow, I feel this deep inner sadness. And this always happens, no matter whether the crush is one-sided or not.

Oh, and I also always behave weirdly when I have a crush like this. That is probably, why I've never had a relationship with a girl that I had a strong crush on before coming closer. I had my last girlfriend because we had a one-night stand and then got close - if I would have had a chance to slowly get to know her, have a crush and then date her, I'm quite sure that we would not have become a couple.

I'm suspecting this has something to do with my hormones (i.e. a drop of endorphines/dopamine), but is it normal that this makes me so sad? Or is it, because I've been hurt in the past when my crushes were either one-sided or somehow unsuccessful and in anticipation of that, I'm already sad?

What does this reaction tell about me? Do you guys (and Gals) have that too?

I find this a very curious symptom, since having a crush should be fun (shouldn't it?).

Best,
Anonymous.

[smackie9]

It sounds like you have anxiety disorder where you set yourself up for failure before you even get started. Why not seek out some therapy.

[anonymous1987]

It sounds like you have anxiety disorder where you set yourself up for failure before you even get started. Why not seek out some therapy.

Cool, thanks for the answer. I just had the date and it was quite natural, I think we both had fun. Hmm are you sure it's anxiety disorder? I mean I'm open to any possibility - but I'm really not anxious or scared at all, at least not consciously. I'm just plain sad when I'm not distracted. Of course that could be caused by unconscious fear - is that what you think it is?

Or maybe I should just date more.