I Moved Half Way Across The Country For Him... Engagement?

[sammyttu]

Here's the background:
Neither one of us were looking for a relationship when we met. I had just ended a really bad relationship I was in, and same for him. He also ended his relationship because he was about to be transferred for his job, possibly far away but he didn't know when or where. He was being practical in thinking that a relationship at that time wasn't a good idea.

Well over time, we both just couldn't help but fall for each other, and he told me from the beginning that he would eventually be moving. I kept putting the issue off, saying we'd solve that problem when it happens knowing that it probably wasn't a good thing to do, but oh well.

We had been dating 11 months when he found out he was being transferred 20 hours away (half way across the country). I had already told him in months past that I felt like we had somethign special enough that I wanted to come with him, no matter where it was. So the month of our 1 year anniversary, we moved.

As cliche as it sounds, I knew he was "the one" after about 2 months of dating.

So in our first week together in a new house, new state, etc. he casually mentions while unpacking that he talked to his parents and they said they'd be willing to help with the wedding since times are tough. I joked that my dad is a cheap-ass, as he knows, so his parents help would be a definite good thing. After a minute of talking, he ended it with "but that's later down the road'

*Note* We are NOT engaged, and have never talked about marriage or engagement before. The closest we've come to talking about it is when we talk about how different our relationship is from anything either one of us have ever had before, how we're 100% comfortable with each other which is new to both of us in relationships, and silly things like when he said "Someday I'll add you to my insurance policy at work since my benefits are so good," etc.

Everyone was telling me that I shouldn't have moved with him unless we were engaged, to he could prove that he was serious with me and that I wasn't wasting my time and leaving my life as I knew it for no reason. I tried not to think they were right but now it's getting hard.

Lately, we've both been receiving wedding invitations from a lot of our friends who are getting married, and even his "little cousin" who is actually my age is getting married and he seems amazed by this. It's really been getting me in the wedding mood and thinking about if that's where we're headed.

I keep trying to hint things to bring up the conversation, but nothing seems to work. I think he's getting my hints but still isn't talking about it.

How do I tell him how I feel and how serious I am about wanting to get engaged? I don't want him to feel like he's being pressured into it, or that I'm being needy or anything. I certainly don't want to bring it up if he isn't even considering it either, but I'm pretty sure he's at least thought about it.


I'd like guys opinions on this preferably, but women's opinions also welcome.

[AirbenderAang]

Well most likely he knows that you want to get married. Sometimes we guys really can read the writing on the wall, but choose to ignore it because we don't want to go over the subject. So it sounds like he is not yet ready to be engaged. Meanwhile, you are ready. Although it does sound like he thinks he will want to marry you someday.

"How do I tell him how I feel and how serious I am about wanting to get engaged?"
You just tell him. You can also ask when could you see yourself proposing to me? In order to not pressure him well, you drop it after you have told him. There is not a whole lot more you can do.

You can't force commitment onto another person. Still though it sounds like you should have a conversation about the future to make sure you are on the same page.

[SAVANAH]

yes you need to just ask him instead of waiting and stressing about it and eventually it'll take its toll on the relationship, you need and deserve to know where you two stand in this relationship esp since you gave up everything to be with him.

His has made it clear that he wants to marry you how about just asking "when you think you'll be ready cause I can't wait to be your wife" that way it's not too forceful, yet it's still a question and makes it clear that you ready, also you might want to tell him, his worth the wait, just to take some of the pressure of.

Good Luck he does seem worth it though!

[Doc Durian]

Wait another year (2 years all up), that way.. if he hasn't already proposed, you can say "It's our anniversary again", and when he says that was last month... you can say, "No, since you discussed marriage with me the first time".

[Gigabitch]

I have a friend that has a two year rule. She won't take anyone seriously until she's known them two years. You haven't even hit that mark yet.

Marriage lasts a long time. Don't rush it.