I have been with my partner for nearly 4 years this year.
We are both in our early thirties and have been through many challenging times mainly interfering families and insecurity about eachothers feelings i.e. do we belong together etc
Last year after changing jobs 3 times in 3 years due to me not being happy at work which also caused minor arguments I decided to study for a degree.
Since Sept 09 when my course started she has been my rock, always supported me emotionally and physically and has stood by me through thick and thin. Same for me too, if shes having a bad day at work or generally feeling low then Im there bringing her up in a flash.
However since Sept 09, as I have been working most weekends to pay my way, we dont get to spend weekends together and time spent together has been very minimal, as Im either working, studying or sleeping. Its what we both understood life to be like and both agreed it was the right move for our futures as we hope to go abroad and settle down elsewhere.
She has been promoted this year, she earns a decent salary and since sept 09 I have noticed a real big change in her personality. I feel she is more bigheaded, arrogant and basically doesnt listen or care to what I have to say about 20% of the time.
We argue about the smallest things and cannot find common ground to agree. There have been more times of happiness then sadness since sept 09 though. Its not all doom and gloom.
Today we were talking and I told her how I felt, she disagreed, she sometimes feel like I am using her promotion against her, despite always supporting her and encouraging her to do better in her job etc.
It all started because she wants to go on holiday, I told her in many ways I could not afford it, she offered to pay and I said it wasnt fair that she could use the money elsewhere. However I did say I would get the money from my sister who still owes me alot of cash from when I previously in full time employment to which she sighed.
I told my partner that recently she had been purchasing alot of small value things and asked if she was doing so to compensate for other things. To which she replied no. I told her we had many conversations about purchasing a and b and c but that it was a waste and despite saying she wouldnt she did buy them in the end. She said it was her money and I said that wasnt the point, the point to me is that we agreed not to.
Rewind 1 year ago, when I had a well paid job and was purchasing small things here and there, she would not like it or if i told her in advance she would tell me I shouldnt buy it because its too expensive.
All in all I feel like this is the beginning of the end because we dont communicate enough due to lack of time, we dont agree on things like we used to and therefore some respect on both parts has been lost.
She told me I was being over negative and that I over analyse things.
Its true that I always begin these conversations and always speak about the importance of communication, honest and respecty however I only speak my mind which I back up with examples.
So we left it as is but I cannot help things are not like they used to be.
i have felt like this for 2 weeks now, despite our conversation today and throughout the last 2 weeks I have been exploring every part of our relationship. Like our sex life, I dont like it, I hate the fact she never or rarely comes on to me, that I have to ask for sex as if begging for a treat and feel like when we are in the middle of it she is just laying there without any conviction. I have spoken to her many times about this before and she says she will try harder and that its not really important to her. We dont have much oral sex on my part because she doesnt like it, she doesnt like me using my fingers and apart from placing her in different positions there is no use of sexual aids or dressing up or anything. Unlike my previous relationship.
She thinks our relationship is great, that we both get on well, understand eachother however I told her today I feel its lacking in many places to which she said I was over analysing things.
I am so tired mentally and physically due to my schedule that I am not sure if I am overreacting or if I have a point. I feel like i have a point n all but when I speak to her its like i dont.
Tomorrow, sat and sunday I have to work and she knows that time we have is precious and that I dont like arguing or having bad feelings during this time but somehow since Sept 09 it just happens..
What do I do? what you guys think? Sorry its all muffled and confused I just really need to get it out and speak to someone..
there is so many other things i want to say but will keep it to this for now...