Confused

[Talulah]

I'm turning 24, my boyfriend is turning 23. we live with his mom and sleep in the same bed. we have been together for two years this year, and will be living together for 2 years in October. Things are becoming strange as we are not as intimate as I would like, and most times he claims he doesn't want to have intercourse because his mother is around, which is understandable. but the issue is, he still doesn't want to be intimate when we are alone, we just went away for the weekend and still nothing. I keep asking him if something is wrong, if i'm not attractive enough, too fat, he says i'm beautiful and perfect and claims he is tired. I don't know what to do anymore, as this is a huge hit to my ego, as I have never experienced this issue in my past sex life. I don't know what is the matter with this man, and it is frustrating me, I don't want to have to cheat in my relationship because i'm looking for something i cant get at home. I'm not saying this in vain, but I am not an ugly woman, I cook, I clean, I'm basically at his beck and call. I don't know what to say to him, because i'm so disappointed and completely hopeless and extremely embarrassed to speak to my friends about this, as everyone knows us as the "best couple" please help!!!!!!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Move out of him mom's house. Tell him if things still don't change, you're leaving him for someone who wants to be intimate. I don't know what kind of relationships your friends have, but just the fact that the two of you live in his mom's basement..it sounds like it sucks..a lot. Your boyfriend probably feels like less of a man because of this fact, as he should. Why can't the two of you rub two nickels together to make a dime and get your own place after two years?

[Maple1714]

Sometimes two people just don't have the right chemistry to make an intimate relationship work...

You both might really care for each other, etc...but you have to have good sex for a relationship to last and be strong. period. There is a certain level of intimacy that is created when two people have sex., and you can't get that from anywhere else. Sounds like you both have just become friends. Nothing wrong with that, happens all the time. You should probably move on.

[Talulah]

we both don't earn that much, his mother doesn't work, hence we are supporting and maintaining the house and all the necessities. he has accounts which need to be paid so it really is a bit tough to save and get our own place right now

[Ann S]

So how long do you want to work to support his mother's house and all his accounts? This is your future - without sex! You have some thinking to do. What's in this relationship for you? It doesn't sound like anything. Nice that mom can sit home! Mom should sell her house, get an apartment, and you should get your own place with or without this 23 yo guy! And what do you think cheating will accomplish? You will feel guilty, probably confess, and then that will be a huge trust issue for the rest of your relationship. I don't get why you would even think that cheating is the solution to your problem. Ann

[Boisdevie]

Sometimes men are reluctant to talk about what's wrong yet in the end you need to communicate. His excuse about being 'tired' is just so much crap - it's an excuse to avoid the discussion. Problem is it's very hard to get a man to talk. Sometimes we clam up until we can't take it any more then we explode. Giving him an ultimatum is one way of making him realise you're seriously unhappy with how things are and it might get him to communicate. Let him know in the nicest way possible that unless things change he's going to end up single.

[michelle23]

Threatening to dump him wont work. Ultimatums dont work. It will go in one ear and out the other until you actually follow through with your threat and he finally says "omg I should have listened to what she has been saying the past year"

He knows your unhappy, he knows you feel unattractive, he knows it upsets you and he gives you excuses "im tired" which is a load of crap.

He either has a lower sex drive than you and in that case it wont get any better or hes unhappy in your relationship for some reason and doesnt know how to fix it or hes stressed which does interfere with sex drive.

Sit down and ask him can he give you a reason or help you understand why he doesn't want sex? Ask him would he consider going to the doctor or for sex therapy or relationship counselling? Tell him things have to change and you want to work with him to fix this or else you are afraid that you will have to put yourself first and end the relationship because it is crushing your self esteem and his rejection hurts you.

If things dont improve straight away and he doesnt consider getting help etc-start making plans to leave.

You cannot stay in a sexless relationship-it is not a fair situation for anyone to have to put up with.

You are only together two years so this issue probably boils down to the fact that you are just not compatible and its better to end it in that case.

[Wakeup]

I'm turning 24, my boyfriend is turning 23. we live with his mom and sleep in the same bed. we have been together for two years this year, and will be living together for 2 years in October. Things are becoming strange as we are not as intimate as I would like, and most times he claims he doesn't want to have intercourse because his mother is around, which is understandable. but the issue is, he still doesn't want to be intimate when we are alone, we just went away for the weekend and still nothing. I keep asking him if something is wrong, if i'm not attractive enough, too fat, he says i'm beautiful and perfect and claims he is tired. I don't know what to do anymore, as this is a huge hit to my ego, as I have never experienced this issue in my past sex life. I don't know what is the matter with this man, and it is frustrating me, I don't want to have to cheat in my relationship because i'm looking for something i cant get at home. I'm not saying this in vain, but I am not an ugly woman, I cook, I clean, I'm basically at his beck and call. I don't know what to say to him, because i'm so disappointed and completely hopeless and extremely embarrassed to speak to my friends about this, as everyone knows us as the "best couple" please help!!!!!!

At 23 years of age, I think he'd still want to boink you whether or not his mother was downstairs, upstairs or just gone to the bathroom for five minutes.

Get him to the doctor to make sure he's not depressed or has a pysiological reason for such a low libido. If he won't go to the doctor then I suggest you seriously consider leaving because chances are very high that this won't improve on it's own. He may tell you that there is nothing wrong and that you're beautiful but his actions are telling you that there is indeed something wrong. Start with a physical.

You're both old enough to be out on your own as well, any reason why you're at his mother's instead of in your own apartment if you're living together?

[michelle23]

Yup ^^ that is true. When my bf still lived at home with his mum and I lived with my parents-it never stopped us doing the nasty. At it like rabbits (silently of course lol)