Hi. I haven’t been in here for a while so I guess I can let you know a little bit about myself before I start to tell my story. I’m 17, and a Junior in High-School. I care a lot about my grades (3.8GPA, but it seems like I don’t really work that hard for it). I have been looking for someone for so long now, that I can’t even remember when I started looking. I am not an outgoing person, I tend to know every problem I have and I try to fix it. I am not very social, but every time there is a discussion, I wish there was more for me to say as to make me not so much a boring person. I have no enemies in my school of almost 1000 kids, mainly because I mind my own business all of the time, and no one bothers me, or torments me like many of the kids in this school.
Over the past 2-3 years, I think I have found the one and only person in this entire school that understands me. Thinks like me, and sometimes acts like me. The only thing is, she is very outgoing, into school projects, and friends with everyone she talks to. Me and her have been ‘Kinda friends’ but more of an acquaintance throughout the years and recently she has been saying things like “Hi Brandon” when we pass in the halls and there isn’t a lot of people around. All I can manage to cook up is “Hi” and continue walking. We’ve known each other for over 10 years but really never ‘talked’ to each other until this year, even this year we still haven’t talked, its just small ‘hi’s’ here and there. She is so nice to so many people, it’s hard to think she’s talking to me for a reason. Maybe that’s because my very best friend is very good friends with her as well. I have nothing to worry about because my best friend knows I like this girl very much, and he has a perfect and loving relationship going on in his life now.
About 1-2 weeks ago, I gave her a cumulative of three letters. Each the same length and same format. She read each one, and my Best friend (Call em ‘X’) has her first hour and he said that the letter I gave her (The letter was under an anonymous name), made her brake down into tears because she never got a letter like I had given her before. I guess it was a good letter heh. Recently, I just told X that I liked this girl (This was after I had given her all the letters of course and I told him about 2-3 days ago, I brought him into a park after a band practice I was having (He’s also my band’s lead guitarist, while I drum), and instead of taking him home after practice.. I parked at the park pulled out the 3 letters I gave to Katie (copies) and he looked at me in disbelief. He was shocked, and happy at the same time. He goes to Katie yesterday “Katie I think I know who wrote those letters” and I could not believe how much she wanted to know. X kept it to himself and say he couldn’t tell her, (I have X in my last period with Katie, so we’re all in the same class). Yesterday is the day in finally two years I have decided to go through with Katie knowing the truth. Before the end of the day X said to her “I’ll tell you after school” and she goes “Please, please please just tell me now, I don’t care if everyone hears it. After class she jolted out of the door and X never saw her again to tell her that I wrote those letters. Later that day, Katie’s best friend (Erin) called X and he told Erin.. Erin hung up the phone called Katie and supposedly told her. X calls me back saying “Erin told Katie, she now knows the truth man”
I went to school today, hoping for a sign.. hoping for her to say something to me like “That was so sweet of you” or “I hate you”.. but instead she said nothing.. as if it was a regular day. And the 2 classes I have with her, she never said anything.. I had my head down all day, and I was crying my heart of (In secret of course but if I lifted my head up, I had a wall of tears falling down)..
Today was officially the worst day in my life.. I don’t know whether or not Katie just needs a little more time for this to sink in before she talks to me, or should I say something? Knowing myself the way I do, I wouldn’t say anything because I have kept this inside for about 3 years and now I am pressured into just openly talking to her about this. I say to myself “No” and I feel bad for not talking to her, meanwhile hating myself for not telling her, then I am compelled to put my head down, then I start to really hate myself and just drop into tears.. Which happened today.. is this the calm before the storm, or what? I don’t know how she feels, and I just can’t face her now to find out.. I open myself online to you all here, to see what you think I should do. Thank you.. every little bit helps.