Girlfriend vs Friends

[therealjag]

Hey there,

I've posted up here a few times but I have another dilemma which I really need help with.

I am in a LDR and this weekend instead of going up to see the gf due to financial reasons I am staying at home. My friend called me who lives in the same city as her and he wants to come see me this weekend as part of his weekend to go see a girl who is coming to meet him in the city I am living in.

I told my gf that my mates wants to come visit me for the weekend, but she said she doesnt want him to come see me cos she doesnt trust him. He's my friend and we've been mates for years. He isnt even staying at my flat, he's staying in a hotel which makes me confused even more.

Is it right for her to get upset over my mate seeing me? I'm at home this weekend anyway, alone, bored and with nothing else to do. Also the world cup starts this weekend so i though i could watch it with my mate. Btw I wont be going out clubbing with him cos I cant afford it right now :S

Any repiies would be greatly appreciated, thanks

Jag

[VincenzoG91]

She doesn't trust him? What does that even mean? Is she afraid that he will steal your checkbook or slip a roofie in your drink? Or is she just afraid that you will hit the bars with him and meet someone less paranoid than her?

Bros before hoes. Girlfriends will come and go, but good friends will be there for you for the rest of your life. On the other hand, if you were married, this would be a different situation.

[therealjag]

Yeah cheers for the reply VincenzoG...

I was thinking the same thing, just wanted some backing that I was in the right...tbh i dont really know why she doesnt trust him, i mean, its not like he's gona bump uglies with me, cos that would be ugly, or like force me to go have an affair with some random girl.

Man tbh sometimes I actually feel like Im married to this girl..but if I was I probably wouldnt be posting up on ths website as I'd be locked up in a cage!

[NBT]

She's overreacting, yes.

But at the same time, insecurity can make a person somewhat irrational.

Were you a player when you were single?

Does she have reason to think that hanging out with your old pal would get the "single guy" blood pumping again?

Again, she may have nothing to worry about (and it sounds like she DOESN'T) but women often worry over things that THEY consider a big deal.

So, sometimes you have to reassure them, even if YOU know it's NOT a big deal. You get me?

Just have a talk with her, and remind her that....

A) You love her (if you do)
B) You're faithful (if you are)
C) She trusts you (or at least she SHOULD if she doesn't)
D) You're not going clubbing
E) He can't FORCE you to do anything you wouldn't ALREADY want to do
F) Trust that your love for her outweighs any bullshit idea that your friend would have about going out and getting girls


See? Problem solved.

And if it isn't, post again.

[girl68]

Agreed with the others: does she have any JUST reason not to like this guy?

I'm a girl and yes, she is overreating (unless of course you were a manwhore under this mates influence- that would mean JUST reason not to like him).

Otherwise the above post is excellent.

[xxazurexx]

Bros before hoes. Girlfriends will come and go, but good friends will be there for you for the rest of your life. On the other hand, if you were married, this would be a different situation.

Why? Is a man allowed to have no male friends and because he's married? lol

My ex hubby had loads of mates and would often go to the club with them and watch the footie when he had days off work - it's what men do, married or not

I'm unsure how she dare moan, when she had a strange mans telephone number on her mobile....she is a fine one to talk about not trusting.

[therealjag]

cheers for the reply mate,

yeah well i think the trust isnt there because i've lied to her about my past before and she just doesnt trust me really unless i'm completly isolated from my friends. personally i'm not that into the relationship as she is and im tired of reassuring her constantly.

i lied about my past where i've actualy claimed to have done more than i actually have and shes found out in more inexperienced that i originally told her. but im not a manwhore and i wasnt a player in the past - its just some of my friends kind of were. this friend in particular is a bit of a womaizer but i'm not fragile enough to let that affect me.

tbh i dont trust her either to an extent but in reality she doesnt really have a lot of friends herself, maybe she just gets lonely...

[xxazurexx]

Sorry Jag, but your gf is just a whinger full stop and is never happy in whatever you do.

Tell her you will give your male friends up, when she gives her female friends up (if she has any)...then you can live in each others pockets 24/7 and for the rest of your lives.....ahhh

[xxazurexx]

cheers for the reply mate,

yeah well i think the trust isnt there because i've lied to her about my past before and she just doesnt trust me really unless i'm completly isolated from my friends. personally i'm not that into the relationship as she is and im tired of reassuring her constantly.

...

So what happened in regard to this strange bloke who was texting her and asking her if she was up for fun? And she had replied 'No, I'm not in Preston'...?

I havn't forgot that last thread you sent over. She doesn't sound exactly 'squeaky clean' herself.

[NBT]

cheers for the reply mate,

yeah well i think the trust isnt there because i've lied to her about my past before and she just doesnt trust me really unless i'm completly isolated from my friends. personally i'm not that into the relationship as she is and im tired of reassuring her constantly.

i lied about my past where i've actualy claimed to have done more than i actually have and shes found out in more inexperienced that i originally told her. but im not a manwhore and i wasnt a player in the past - its just some of my friends kind of were. this friend in particular is a bit of a womaizer but i'm not fragile enough to let that affect me.

tbh i dont trust her either to an extent but in reality she doesnt really have a lot of friends herself, maybe she just gets lonely...

Sounds like this relationship has "Failure" written all over it.

The ONLY good thing I saw in that post was the fact that you aren't fragile enough to let your friend's womanizing ways affect you.

Everything else = FAIL.

How long have you been with this girl?
Does she even matter to you?
Do you plan for it to last, or don't you even care?

[NBT]

So what happened in regard to this strange bloke who was texting her and asking her if she was up for fun? And she had replied 'No, I'm not in Preston'...?

I havn't forgot that last thread you sent over. She doesn't sound exactly 'squeaky clean' herself.

Uhhh Ohhhh.

New information.

(You have to excuse me, as I'm fairly new to the board)

[lilly1185]

I was totes about to say Bros before Ho's.
DAMN!

And that line "I've never been a player but my friends were..."
Seriously?
My best friend had multiple personality disorder, and I never got it. If she can't trust YOU, she either has SERIOUS trust issues, or she's sneaking around on you.
How long have you guys been together? If it's a reasonable amount of time, start sharing the driving responsibility.

If you guys haven't been together that long, get out now. This is just a sign of things to come.

edit; there see? More people wrote in while I was taking my time replying, and pointed out about a curious text.
Break it off unless the sex is totally worth it.

[therealjag]

So what happened in regard to this strange bloke who was texting her and asking her if she was up for fun? And she had replied 'No, I'm not in Preston'...?

I havn't forgot that last thread you sent over. She doesn't sound exactly 'squeaky clean' herself.

Hey yeah tbh i couldnt be bothered with the hassle of bringing it up tbh...I dont plan on going back to Glasgow anyway and I aint planning on being with her long term so i didnt bother bringing it up. I know I'm an a**hole for doing that but i've wanted to end the relationship before and she just starts with her suicide bull. I've actually lost the will to break up with her now so I'm just letting it run its course till there is 100% confirmation from my employer that I have to stay down here.

Again I know, I sound like a complete jerk, and an idiot for continuing the relationship but im at the point where i just dont care anymore...i guess the main reason for this post was to confirm whether i was right for wanting to see my friend and from the replies i can reaffirm my own opinion that its cool to see my mate and theres nothing wrong with it.

[VincenzoG91]

Why? Is a man allowed to have no male friends and because he's married? lol

My ex hubby had loads of mates and would often go to the club with them and watch the footie when he had days off work - it's what men do, married or not

I'm unsure how she dare moan, when she had a strange mans telephone number on her mobile....she is a fine one to talk about not trusting.

His girlfriend who lives somewhere else shouldn't have any veto power over which of his guy friends visit. But if he was married, his wife might be legitimately concerned about an untrustworthy guy visiting their home.

Great point about the girlfriend, though, I forgot about that thread. It's interesting how cheaters are so distrustful, like they assume everybody else is equally dishonest. This current situation might just be her deflecting attention from her own suspicious behavior.

[therealjag]

And that line "I've never been a player but my friends were..."
Seriously?

hey yeah its safe to assume im not a player - even though it would be cool to be one of those kind of guys at least one point on my life lol.

Some of my friends are, but this guy isnt really. he doesnt date multiple girls at a time but whenever he has he has let them know beforehand which i think is fair.