am i being too needy? Part 2

[reeba]

Well I guess I pushed the limit. He was with friends so I emailed him what I felt. I didn't want to do a serious phone call. Bad move. Especially since I was ticked when I did it.

A recap of what I'm primarily ticked about is that two weeks before Christmas, I asked him if he would do Christmas dinner with me (I'm in a 150 mile long distant relationship). He said he would. Then 4 days before Christmas he declined.

His response was an email that 'I hurt you, I don't give enough, I used you for a booty call, I'm not attentive, and I can't read your mind. I can't get over being hurt by your words. I'm insulted that you think so little of me that I would do these things to you on purpose. I know I've made mistakes, but I don't feel that I deserve this.'

Now he won't return my phone calls or emails.

Either he is more dam sensitive than a girl, or he was wanting out.

Should I leave a phone message with a groveling apologizing (someone is going to have to, and I doubt that it is going to be him)? Was I too cruel on the first email? Does he want out and this is his excuse to get out? Is he a total jerk (I still don't think he is, he was just being extremely thoughtless and I thought I was just calling him on it)? Or should I do no further contact and see if he comes back?

So for people who want to read a novel about my live, below is an excerpt (the 3 paragraphs that he appears to be upset about) of this is the 'cruel' email that I sent:

I kept trying to remind myself of all the good things you have done, but this past week pushed it over to the dark side. Right now the bad by far outweighs the good, and I’m tired of being hurt. So I’m not going to sit here and expect you to read my mind. I’m going to say it. And if you don’t like what you are hearing, we need to break up.

But some pointers:
• Make me feel special once in a while. I’m low maintenance and if you failing miserably in that department with me, there is a problem. All it takes is the occasional gesture or phone call or email to show you were thinking of me. This isn’t the first time that I haven’t heard from you for four days.
• Don’t tell a woman bad news RIGHT after having sex - not wanting to hurt a coworker’s feelings by standing them up for Christmas dinner (you knew dam well I was alone, and I guess my feelings don’t count). If you had done the above BEFORE I definitely would have given you the cold shoulder. I think that is why you waited to say all that. You knew you wouldn’t have gotten laid. I had to force myself to not just sleep on the couch or not just pack up and leave. The last thing I wanted to do was touch you. But I thought MAYBE I was blowing it all out of proportion, and just needed to cool off. I’ve had lots of time to think about it (so I guess I should be thankful you didn’t call, so I had lots of time to think, and actually cool down a little), and I definitely deserve far better than this.

[sticko]

Wow. I'm kind of at odds with this one... Before I make a comment, is there a certain reason why he declined?

[vashti]

It looks to me like you are trying to force a round peg into a square hole. Regardless of who is at fault here or whether or not he is a jerk, it doesn't look like you are a match. If he really wanted to be with you, he would have been. I think you should ust forget about him and move on.

[sticko]

It looks to me like you are trying to force a round peg into a square hole. Regardless of who is at fault here or whether or not he is a jerk, it doesn't look like you are a match. If he really wanted to be with you, he would have been. I think you should ust forget about him and move on.

mm. As much as I want people to be happy and together, ^that^ is rather good advice. You seem to want him more than he wants you. :\

[reeba]

I actually believe he was punishing me for not making plans with him earlier. Via email he claims that I blew him off till 2 weeks before Chirstmas. I keep telling him that the reason why I didn't make plans with him was that I thought he already had plans with his out of town company. I just thought if someone stays at your place during the holidays, then you are obviously doing the holidays with them.

He said he was not going to abandon his coworker's Christmas dinner invite and come over just because I whistled.

I think he has only been at my place 4 times in the 7 months we have been together, and it wasn't because I whistled. He volunteered.

I usually go down there since I drive near his town about twice a month for work. But it is still 100 miles out of my way. But I never complained. It wasn't that big of an inconvenience.

This time he was driving near my town the day after Christmas so I didn't think it was much to ask for him to spend Christmas with me. It wasn't like I was asking him to drive all the way up here and back home for a day with me.

I think I better stop giving other people advice on this site. I can't take care of my own messes. Although groveling does work. I left an apology on his answering machine and he said he would call me tonight. At least if this doesn't work, I get a break up over the phone instead of via email. Also I'm going to get an answer out of him if I'm as unimportant to him as I feel right now, or if this is due to some real lousy communication.

[sticko]

Well, you see he volunteered "every" time he came to your place?
and then you invited him to come for xmas?
That may have made him feel sort of unimportant.
You two could be feeling the same way right now, and just not know it IMO. I mean you both sent hateful emails. :\

Well not "hateful" but not exactly positive either lol.

[misombra]

you were his booty call. weren't you the one who mentioned that you slept with this guy before you talked about him being exclusive, and that he didn't want that?

leave him alone. yes you're being too needy. and this guy is not having it.

[CAM]

If you are asking if you are too needy, then you probably are too needy.

Be honest with yourself. If you were in it for love, then get out because of who he is...a jerk. If you were in it for sex and you enjoy the sex, then just have the sex and let it go at that. If you can't just have the sex because he's a married guy (as I recall) and it somehow violates your principles...uh, well just out having sex kind of already threw the principles issue out of the window. So, are you being too needy? Yes. But more particularly, you are being too flighty with yourself (and all of us).

[Gigabitch]

Reeba, cut and run, okay? It's been too little for too long.