Is there a chance? I feel used. Now she just wants a friendship.

[S8B]

This is a really long post, so I appreciate those who do read.

I've recently been at the point where flings have become meaningless to me. They were fun while it lasted, but I'm pretty much done with that phase. I'm not going to reject an attractive woman who wants to have a little fun, but I can't say that's what I'm looking for now.

Well anyhow, I recently got reunited with a few good friends back from highschool. There's this one girl who I use to know, but never really spoke to. Fast forward 6 years, we see each other at a friend's party (mid July, 2011). She's best friends with the good friends I was referring to. Right off the bat I knew this woman was a bold flirty one. She initiated contact with me, started flirting with me, touching arms/chest, etc. I can't say I ever really payed attention to her nor did I ever have any initial interest in her. She's a good looking chick, not model-status, but never did it cross my mind that I would want to be in a relationship with this person. Throughout the night, we talked and flirted, exchanged numbers, and that was that.

She then invites me to her going-away party a week from 'day 0' (the party). Fast forward throughout the party, at the end of the night, we are both pretty drunk at Denny's with our posse of friends (including her best friends which are now very good friends of mine). I go to the restroom to take a piss and a few seconds later she follows me into the men's restroom and starts being her flirty self. She "wanted to taste my lips" before she ended the night (and therefore her time here in Los Angeles for the time being), which she did. As we're leaving (I was being driven by a couple of friends, she was being driven by her best friends), her driver decides to block us of, she pulls out of the car, we make out again in the car I was in, the end.

Didn't think anything of it. Didn't even cross my mind that I would ever fall for this woman.

She takes off to a different state to do her one-semester foreign exchange program. About a month in, we start to communicate through text and facebook. She would tell me things such as "I wish you were here laying next to me", "I miss you", "I'll be thinking of you before I close my eyes", etc, etc. I didn't reciprocate at all at first. I've never actually fallen for anyone before, and everything to that date has always been a physical thing for me. But after time about a month, we really started to get to know each other real well... we would talk, a lot. I HATE talking to people over the phone for any more than a few minutes, but we even had a 90 minute phone session at one point. I always did get a good vibe from her. She's the very outgoing, very optimistic, always enthusiastic, risk taker, etc type of person. And I loved that. At that point, I started to fall for her. I would start to tell her some 'sweet things' as well, which she seemed to love.

She had previously told me her plan to return back home for her Birthday, which fell in the second week of November (last week). But about a week prior to her returning, I noticed a change in the way she spoke to me. She wouldn't sweet talk, she wouldn't text or call me on a daily basis, although we did have a few conversations that week, that were purely in a 'friendship' tone. I found it a bit strange. I would give tell her something in a flirty manner, and she would give me a non-flirty reply, which was not what she was doing. I knew something was up. I felt like she was trying to slow things down before she arrived the following week.

So then she's back. Friday night, we go to a bar. Get drunk. We both get dropped off at her place, we sleep together, although nothing happened except for making out (we were pretty trashed). Next morning, she started giving me the whole "hug me, hold me, kiss me, etc, etc" thing, which I did. Saturday night, everything changes again. We go out, I try to hold her, she practically rejects me on the spot. We finish our night, get dropped off at her place again wasted, sleep, and that's all. Sunday morning, nothing.

Anyhow, we hang out throughout Sunday and while it doesn't seem like our conversation and body language is only in a friendly manner, it also doesn't get intimate at all. I drop her off at the greyhound station, as she's supposed to return back to school for the rest of the semester. At that point, I'm confused like no other. I tell her "Goodbye beautiful", she replies with "Thanks for everything and you're an amazing FRIEND." Those words you dread to here.

I proceed to practically put her on the spot. I tell her I hope one day we can be more than friends. And she replies with "I appreciate everything and I tried being more than a friend but the truth is after talking I'm not trying to be more than a friend. You're a great guy... blah blah, etc, etc".

For the first time ever, I fell for someone not just through the physical but mostly through how she was. I really dig her, and that practically brought me down to a new low. Something happened along the way. And it's driving me crazy to know what I did wrong. I wasn't just 'sweet' and being all super nice, I actually thought we had hit it off. Never thought I would ever say I would be used by someone I actually cared about.

Well, all that culminated yesterday. And as you can imagine, I'm super bummed out today. We haven't talked since, but it's only been a day. She's supposed to return mid December, although she's mulling over the idea of going back for another semester at the end of January. She practically made it clear to me at the end of the Sunday night that she's not looking for anything more than a friendship with me.

At this point, I really don't know what to do. I really care for her, and didn't just want to start a fling for the sake of having fun with her (see second paragraph). Don't know whether I should just give up, move on, or actually give it another attempt when she comes back. We're bound to see each other again; we have too many mutual friends and she actually attends my university (assuming she comes back next semester and doesn't continue her stay).

All this time, I KNEW there was a high possibility of this happening. But I brushed it off. I think she was just physically attracted to me, and when she took off, it got a bit lonely for her, used me as her comfort, and 'decided' she just wanted a friendship after we met up again. I think if she leaves again, that shuts off any possibility (if there ever was one). If she stays, who knows. Anything can happen. At least she was physically attracted to me to begin with and it did feel like we had so much in common.

[MerryH]

You shouldn't feel used. You guys kind of dated/flirted for a time, but she ultimately decided that she didn't want to be more than friends. It happens. It sucks and it hurts, but don't feel betrayed. She didn't really do anything wrong, from what you've said here. No use being bitter.

You should probably give up and move on, though. She told you what's up. Accept it.

[S8B]

Thanks MerryH.

Only reason I said I feel used is because it's almost as if she suddenly turned on a switch and decided to 'just be friends' without even giving me a chance. This was a week prior to her returning. She did this out of the blue. I had my doubts from her sudden change in vibe and didn't ask her until after she came back.

I am most definitely not bitter nor hold any grudges against her. In fact, I care too much about her to feel that way. I still feel like I have unfinished business. It's the sudden change that has me scratching my head. We hit it off so well. The physical attraction is obviously there, the emotional as well but only from my part.

I guess when she comes back I might have to settle everything. For now, I don't plan on keeping as much contact with her as we had before. I feel like there's a lot more to it and although it's not that she has to tell me what's up, I need to find out. There might still be a chance... guess I'll see.

I'm feeling a lot better after 24 hours of being so down by the way. I'm glad to say I've learned how to always keep my head up through anything.

[MerryH]

she suddenly turned on a switch and decided to 'just be friends' without even giving me a chance.

How do you figure she didn't give you a chance? She flirted with you and made out with you and communicated with you a lot. What more could she have done to give you a chance? Seriously, please answer this.

I still feel like I have unfinished business.

Why? What is the unfinished business? Again, please answer this.

[S8B]

How do you figure she didn't give you a chance? She flirted with you and made out with you and communicated with you a lot. What more could she have done to give you a chance? Seriously, please answer this.

It's a little harder to explain. I guess you would just have to be in my situation to see it through my eyes. We had something going on real well and it changed in a matter of a very short time. I might not be explaining this part well. But it's not simply just a 'gut' feeling, I'm also trying to reason and apply logic to everything that happened.

Why? What is the unfinished business? Again, please answer this.

Well, better said, more clarifications to unveil. With the fact that we have some really close friends that are mutual friends, might as well clear everything up. We're bound to bump into each other soon. I was left confused and a little shocked.

[MerryH]

It's a little harder to explain. I guess you would just have to be in my situation to see it through my eyes.

I kind of figured you wouldn't have a good explanation. I don't think there really is one. I'm not trying to criticize you, I'm just trying to get you to think about this in a more rational way, because you seem to be capable of it.

Well, better said, more clarifications to unveil. With the fact that we have some really close friends that are mutual friends, might as well clear everything up. We're bound to bump into each other soon. I was left confused and a little shocked.

She made it clear, though. She told you she doesn't want to be more than friends. I just don't really get what kind of conversation you want from her. If you want her to tell you exactly why, and what happened, then ask her, I guess. But it's very unlikely that you'll ever get the real reason, so it's almost pointless to ask. Best to move on.

Alright, well, I'll stop crushing your dreams, now. I hope everything works out for the best. Good luck.

[S8B]

I appreciate your input. Believe me when I say I always use proper reasoning and logic and try not to go off of my emotions. I guess I'm still clinging on to a little hope due to the fact that we actually had something going on. I won't be pushy... that's not me. But I want a better answer than the one she gave me. You're completely right that I might never get the real answer, but there's no harm in trying.