I loved her before we dated...help! (I know its long but please read it, I need help!

[thafallenzero]

Theres this girl I met 4 years ago in one of my classes.
I seemed to fall for her the moment I saw her.
The very first day I met her I asked for her number and she said no.
But we sat next to each other in class everyday so we slowly started building a friendship.
After 3 or 4 months we became practically best friends, talking to each other on the phone all night every night even though she was dating other guys.
I was fine with that because I figured its better to have her in my life as a friend than to not have her in my life at all. But I fell in love with her.
After she was single for a while I asked her if we could try dating just to see where it goes and she always said she could only see me as a friend and said we were just meant to be best friends, etc.
Our friendship was on and off for the next 3 years because we would talk again as we first did and I would fall for her again, and she would again turn me down. So I childishly would ignore her for months at a time then return. We went on ONE date in the first 3 years and I kissed her once. I thought it could be a turning point for our relationship but it wasnt. She still could only see me as a friend.
We again went on and off for the next year or so then we again became friends. Only this time we were older. We could both come and go from our houses as we pleased and see each other more and had more time alone. She still saw me as a best friend of hers so she DID want to spend time with me. So we did. And she fell in love with me. The strong feelings I used to have for her werent there anymore but i DID like her. So we began to date, and we still are. I DO like her but I dont feel that I love her like I used to, but I should because I finally have what I wanted for 4 years. I often find myself resenting her for all the times she turned me down and now shes all over me and I feel like I should turn her down for revenge. She put me through alot and she did alot of bad things (drugs, sex etc.) that I forgave while I was her friend, but now I find them as a massive turn off and often use them as excuses to myself as to why I dont want her.
But then again I wouldnt want her with anyone else, so I keep her. And I do like her alot and we have a blast when we are together but shes talking about marrying me and all this stuff people in love talk about but I'm just going along with it. Had she loved me when I loved her I would talk about marriage and stuff too because shes all I wanted. But I dont want anyone else, so its not like theres someone I'd rather have. I just dont understand why I'm not thankful for our relationship that I wanted for so long as I should be.
Thats the best I can explain it but feel free to ask any questions to clarify.

Pretty much the main question is:
Why don't I love her now that she loves me?

[Gigabitch]

This is a perfect example of why people shouldn't take their crushes so seriously. They're not real, people. The person you're fixated on can never measure up to your fantasy and they're doomed to disappoint you.

[thafallenzero]

This is a perfect example of why people shouldn't take their crushes so seriously. They're not real, people. The person you're fixated on can never measure up to your fantasy and they're doomed to disappoint you.

I understand what you mean. It was a crush at the beginning. I knew. But the fact that I was VERY attracted to her and the fact that we WERE best friends made it seem like thats all I could ever want. I mean who wouldnt wanna spend the rest of their life with someone they always wanted to touch yet were their best friend. But I can tell you honestly, she is IN LOVE with me. The way she acts around me, she always wants to touch my arm, hold my hand or just hug me, she wants to wait to have sex which she has NEVER done. She usually would give it away the first month. She has stopped using drugs because she knows I dont like it. She tells me she loves me and misses me as much as she can. You know, the love stuff. I still do find her very attractive and still do see her as my best friend, but I just dont feel like I would DIE for her like I once did. Or that I couldnt live without her.

[Pietomb]

I'm in a reasonably similar situation myself, i finally got the girl that i've wanted for so long, and now that i do i find that it's really not what i truly seem to want. And it sucks lol.
I would suggest talking to her. And looking back to find what it was that you fell in love with before and seeing if that's still there. Otherwise unfortunatley you might have to have a break from her, just go back to being friends, and see if your feelings from before come back, then decide what to do. But you would need to explain it to her.

[Gigabitch]

Don't hurt the girl. You have a responsibility to be as careful as you can.

[thafallenzero]

I see. Thanks alot guys.

[LoveHurts09]

i think ur feeling abused due to the fact that u put urself out there for her so often before and she really hurt u - u werent good enough for her, and now u just accepted her w/o meaning it just because she loves u finally.

my advice is to stop living in the past and enjoy being with her, stop over thinking it and start doing the things u wanted to do.... this may not last but the worst u can do is try right?

[thafallenzero]

i think ur feeling abused due to the fact that u put urself out there for her so often before and she really hurt u - u werent good enough for her, and now u just accepted her w/o meaning it just because she loves u finally.

my advice is to stop living in the past and enjoy being with her, stop over thinking it and start doing the things u wanted to do.... this may not last but the worst u can do is try right?

Your absolutely right. Thanks.