My girlfriend is HOLDING ONTO her ex-boyfriends engagement ring!!

[mnelsonmcp]

My current girlfriend got engaged to her ex over 4 years ago. They have been broken up for almost 3 years. Yet, she still hangs on to the engagement ring and refuses to sell it. Is this an indication she may still have feelings for him? They still talk quite frequently, and I'm kinda concerned about proceeding in our relationship if she seems to still be harboring feelings for him. I would like to know what others think about this situation - because I am bothered by it - because it seems she still reserves a spot in her heart for him - I feel akward about the whole situation..

She claims sentimental value - but I don't see the point. If someone could shed some light on this I would appreciate it! Thanks!

[Incognito]

DAYYYYYUMMMM! Ok, if she kept the ring in a box or something and didn't have contact with him I'd say there is nothing to worry about. Your situation is quite the opposite though. If she keeps in contact with him and hasn't returned the ring that is a really really bad sign. Hell, even if she did return the ring talking to him frequently is still a bad sign.

You need to tell her that her behavior is hurtful. (yeah I know that "hurt" talk is hard for us guys to say, but you have to communicate in ways that she will definitely understand). Don't flat out tell her that she shouldn't or can't talk to him because then she'll just do it without your knowledge. If she stops because she now knows that her actions are hurtful that may be the end of it, although I'd still keep an eye on her for a while. If she doesn't stop talking to him, or lashes out at you, it is a clear indication that the ex means as much as you do to her and possibly means more than you. That would be my cue to say some really hurtful things and end the relationship, but that is optional

[mnelsonmcp]

He does live 3000 miles away. And when he comes to the state to visit his friends, he calls her. And he calls her while he was at the airport to let her know he was waiting on a layover. One day while he was in town, she got up early and spoke to him for about 20 minutes while i was still sleeping. Seemed like she was trying to hide it.

I don't even understand WHY she had to tell me she still had the ring. Is that some kind of subconscious warning or what?

Shes getting mad at me for suggesting that she should get rid of it - bcuz that "may be the only time in my life when i was engaged."

I told her I dont think any man who knew you were holding onto your ex's engagement ring would want to propose to her! She said "the man i marry wont care." I beg to differ!!

BTW - She does keep the ring in the box.

[vashti]

She should have given back the ring. Since an engagement ring is a contractual gift, it was highly inappropriate that she kept it at all. Legally, I don't think she has any right to it.

I don't know if you are serious about her, but I wouldn't advise you to be, given these circumstances. She cares more about her history with that guy than keeping you from feeling insecure.

[Incognito]

It doesn't matter how far away he lives, especially since he comes into town. You have to understand this my friend, women are emotional creatures. Therefore an emotional affair is as big a deal as a physical one, if not more so. By her talking to him in secret she is showing that there is something going on that she either doesn't want to explain or that she knows is wrong. Her insisting on keeping the ring by suggesting that "it might be the only time when she'll be engaged" and that "the man who she marries won't care" shows that she is less concerned with your feelings and that the ring means much more than she is leading on. An emotional affair sometimes precludes a physical one. That really depends on the guy, because once her heart is wrapped up in the emotional affair all he needs to do is make a move and she'll more than likely give it to him. I personally wouldn't want her cheating to depend on some other guy's decision.

As I said before you need to see how she will react to you being hurt by this. Its all emotion with [most] women, so that is your indicator. If this is only a friendship she will value your feelings and relationship over the other guy and his ring.

How long have you two been together?

[Incognito]

Vashti said it better than I did, and with fewer words to boot

[mnelsonmcp]

We've been together for 6 months.

[Incognito]

What? Well look man this is a clear indiction of what you'll be dealing with further down the line. 6 months? Pffft, just dump her if she continues to put him first. No one deserves that treatment.

[mnelsonmcp]

Here's her response to me asking her what is the point of keeping a ring for a man you won't marry.

"Its different you dont understand..For a woman, when a man asks you to marry them, spend the rest of your life with them AND he buys you a ring, it's seroius..I cant see any girl just selling it for the hell of it. you know?"

[vashti]

she shouldn't sell it. HE should.

[doppelgaenger]

I was engaged for a very short period of time, but I took the ring back when the relationship ended. An engagement ring is not a gift; like Vashti says, it's a type of contract. Anyway, I'd be so pissed if a girl was pulling that shit. I'd understand if they had a kid together or something, but I wouldn't be comfy with a close friendship like she has. Sorry bud, you sound like a plan B.

[mnelsonmcp]

Shes so defensive over the whole thing... She had such a problem when she thought I still had feelings for my ex. But she can't understand how I feel about this situation! I'm not holding a ring for my ex.. we broke up, I sold it!

[doppelgaenger]

Use that to gain some leverage - remind her of what a hard time she had and tell her to have some empathy.

[MerryH]

Its different you dont understand..For a woman, when a man asks you to marry them, spend the rest of your life with them AND he buys you a ring, it's seroius..

You don't understaaaaand! It's serious! So very, very serious that even though he BOUGHT HER A RING ZOMG they still broke up.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You've only been together 6 months? Just dump her, and tell her to call you when she sells it, and start moving on in the meantime. Maybe she'll call, maybe she won't, but either way you won't be dealing with someone that's putting your feelings on the backburner.