dumped for the first time

[liamchico]

I just went from one problem to another one.
I have been in a bittersweet relationship for the past 11 months with a girl who lives 2000 miles away. We only spent about 3 weeks of that together. I'm 18, she's 17. She is my first girlfriend. We had our issues. her parents were super strict, did not approve of me, and did all that they could to limit our communication. She also wanted to remain abstinent until marriage, while I did not. While I wanted to respect that decision, it did make me miserable sometimes and she felt awful because she was hurting me and felt that I must not care for her.
Despite all that, we truly loved each other. We had even talked about staying together forever.
Things had been getting steadily worse, because of distance, her parents, etc. Earlier today I was feeling particularly down, and let slip that it was because of our ever-present sex issue. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. She broke up with my by leaving a voicemail, and is going on vacation so she won't even be able to talk for a bit.
We both agree that we still love each other terribly, but can't decide whether to keep in contact or not. We thought maybe there was a chance we could get back together later if things were different and she was a little more independent.
Two things.
1. should we cut it off completely, or stay friends and hope things are better one day?
2. how should I feel about this? I've never lost someone this way before, let alone been dumped in such a harsh manner. Did I really deserve this, and will I ever be able to trust her again? she did break my heart in a particularly unceremonious way, and I'm a little bit pissed...

[doppelgaenger]

Cut off all contact. If one of your body limbs is gangrenous, do you leave it attached and allow it to spread to the rest of your body, or do you amputate it? Rhetorical question. Hopefully you see the analogy to your feelings.

Since it's your first break up, you're probably a little confused and probably very hurt and desperate to stay with her. I wouldn't blame you if you were depressed or hurt. Don't worry though, it's normal. It'll take you a while before you 'get over it'. Just don't lose yourself over this. I reassure you, this is just one relationship, she's just one girl, even though it seemed like some magical, meant-to-be experience.

[Gratedwasabi]

Look, the sex issue isn't going away. If you want sex before marriage, you're better off.. it wasn't going to work. You're young. It'll be okay. Believe it or not, you get a lot stronger and mature from these kinds of things.

It doesn't sound you like you can handle being friends without wanting it back at some point so break off contact. Also, her leaving you a voicemail isn't really that harsh as far as breakups go. I've had girls have the dude they were cheating on me with call me up to do it, one had me served at work for a bogus small claims suit to break up with me, etc. Voicemail or text is a pretty standard form of breakup, people rarely seem to do it face-to-face these days.

[smackie9]

Staying friends just drags out the pain longer of getting over that person. Relationships come and go. The next one will end and the next one too, etc. It's the cycle of life. You may be the one to end anyone of those yourself. You are young, you should be enjoying many experiences before having a serious committed relationship. Those ones lead to marriage and lord knows marriage ain't no picnic.

[VincenzoG91]

Stay close? Like in the same hemisphere? You only met her once. Just move on, and date locally.

[liamchico]

Well... i guess maybe it would be best get some space. We were so close though, and she is still truly one of the few people capable of helping me through this. She does want to comfort me and stay friends.
What should I do? will anything help me feel better?

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with the guys on this one. i think cutting contact (at least until you've moved on) would be best. you guys are both young, both impressionable, and both inexperienced. it's only natural to want to hold onto something out of fear of losing that comfort you've developed with her. cut contact and put yourself out there with girls who live near you so that you can develop a real relationship. who knows, maybe your paths will cross later down the line when you've both had some time to mature a bit. so i'm saying cut contact for now and try to move on.

and although i respect people's choices to hold out on sex until marriage, i think it's a pretty bad idea. sexual compatibility is extremely important for a healthy relationship, and if you wait until that commitment is made before experimenting with it, it could lead to some serious troubles. one of the LF posters had an issue like this. he fell in love with a woman, respected her wishes, and waited until they were married to have sex. low and behold, after the vows were exchanged, he found out that she had no sex drive and very rarely has sex at all. it's a situation that could have been avoided if sex had been bought into the picture beforehand.