Hi there,
I've been seeing my girlfriend for three months; I really like her but something is eating away at me: we're both white but probably 90% of the men my girlfriend says she 'fancies' are black guys (movie stars, soccer players, singers/rappers etc.). I thought I'd post a message here as I feel it's really having a negative impact on my side of the relationship and I want to be with her.
I suppose at the root of it, I feel that she's been pretty insensitive telling me this in the first place; obviously I'm not black and feel that I'm 'second best'. This is something that I can't get over.
I'm the type of guy who never tells my girlfriends which celebrities I think are attractive- maybe this is more of a guy thing- as I really don't care, my attitude is "yeah, so she's attractive- whatever!". It really doesn't come into my mind, also I wouldn't say anything because I wouldn't want her to feel bad.
I feel maybe I'm being a little hypocritical, as I find women of all races attractive, particularly Middle Eastern or women from the Indian subcontinent- this is something that I've tried telling myself but the fact that literally nearly every person she says she thinks is hot is black still troubles me. It's not anything to do with the stereotypes to do with black men either; I'd feel the same way if she said this about say Chinese, or Indian men- it's just that I feel because she has a 'thing' for men that look different to me, I can never match up.
Anyway, this came to a head yesterday when she made a comment about someone on tv. I'd told her about a month ago that her comments made me feel insecure and she didn't say anything until then. We spoke about it and she said that she really likes me, finds me attractive and wants to be with me. This made me feel a lot better but still there's a nagging though in the back of my mind that she doesn't really want me, or she really wants to be with a black guy.
I feel that I'm being unfair to her and that maybe I'm being irrational too but I'm finding it really difficult to get over this hang-up; I don't want my insecurity to ruin this relationship.
I'm not sure what I can do- any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated.