Stood up on Christmas -What would you do?

[blackiesharley]

Well, sorta stood up. Plans canceled at the last minute. Here's the story....

About a week ago I was introduced to a very pretty lady, just my type though a mutual friend. We hit it off immediately and exchanged numbers. Spoke on the phone a lot, we each said some nice things, the chemistry was great and then made plans to get together Xmas night. She has no family, I made plans to spend Xmas day with my Mother (which I did). I was to call her at 6pm (which I did) Our plans were for 7pm. Got her machine, left a message. She called me back in a few minutes. Said she was getting ready and to call her in a half-hour for her address. Fine, no problem.

I call her back, her first words were "You're gonna kill me, but I have to take care of a roommate situation tonight, sorry." then mumbled something about haveing to show her place to a potential roommate. Who the hell looks at apartments on Xmas night? I was so shocked that somebody would do this at the very last minute especially on Xmas that I don't even remember my response.

My question is this... What would you do? I think it's rude, unless there was a dire emergency, (and showing an apartment isn't) yet I do really like her. Part of me thinks that if I call her, I look like a desperate wimp.

On the other hand, maybe I should be a bigger person and call to give her one more chance.

I'm confused. Thoughts please?

EDITED FOR UPDATE: I just checked my phone machine after I posted the above and there was a message from her. She must have called back last night after I went to sleep. She was crying, and said 'Like an idiot I went and called my ex, please call me back.' MAJOR RED FLAG. (I suspect alcohol abuse (AKA drunk dialing) I will call her later and find out what it's all about. I'm still interested, I can't say I'm not, but I can tell already that she's an emotional 'fixer-upper,' in other words, she's ****ed up.

I have to be real carefull here. Her clingyness and what seems like instant dependence on me is appealing to my big heart.

[Adonis]

I got stood up too
this is the first year that i lived by myself and the first Chritsmas that I was by myself. I hated it because my ex who i haven't lost and am i n love with stood me up for this guy that he just broke up with in October. I wanted to hang out with him but he decided to hang out with this guy who he broke up with because he wanted to have sex with me. Now its the holidays and he went to this guys family's house which only the next city over from where I live. All week before Christmas he was telling he was deciding to either hang out with or go to this guys house so that pissed me off and he told me I'll call you when I can buit don"t call me. So I guess he's telling me its over i dont want to be negative but it looks loike I've lost him for good

So I know what its like to be ditched for someone else
it bites. Be careful with this girl because emotionally she is not stable but if you see this going somewhere def help her out. I haven't been in her situation but i understand hopw she may have been confused. Especially with exes she may feel some sort obligation to this guy. Don't push too much let her open up to you. Its hard but its the best thing you can do right now.Don't grill her with questions or small stuff eg what hey did or talked about if she wants to tell you she will. She will respect you more i wish i had done this before so at least if i can tell you i knowat least someone will be happy this holiday season I know I wont be

[blackiesharley]

I got stood up too
this is the first year that i lived by myself and the first Chritsmas that I was by myself. I hated it because my ex who i haven't lost and am i n love with stood me up for this guy that he just broke up with in October. I wanted to hang out with him but he decided to hang out with this guy who he broke up with because he wanted to have sex with me. Now its the holidays and he went to this guys family's house which only the next city over from where I live. All week before Christmas he was telling he was deciding to either hang out with or go to this guys house so that pissed me off and he told me I'll call you when I can buit don"t call me. So I guess he's telling me its over i dont want to be negative but it looks loike I've lost him for good

So I know what its like to be ditched for someone else
it bites. Be careful with this girl because emotionally she is not stable but if you see this going somewhere def help her out. I haven't been in her situation but i understand hopw she may have been confused. Especially with exes she may feel some sort obligation to this guy. Don't push too much let her open up to you. Its hard but its the best thing you can do right now.Don't grill her with questions or small stuff eg what hey did or talked about if she wants to tell you she will. She will respect you more i wish i had done this before so at least if i can tell you i knowat least someone will be happy this holiday season I know I wont be

I'm sorry to heare that Adonis, like you said, I know how it feels but my last nights situation is a bit different, everything was fine up until litterly the last minute. I won't drill her with questions, we're far too 'new' for that, but I'll listen. Her late night message says a lot. Maybe I'm rebound? Maybe she's confused? Again, I'll hear her out as I see potential and don't object to trying to help her. (Within reason, of course)

As far as exes and Xmas, I was really hurt that my ex-wife hadn't called for six weeks to just say hi and see how I'm doing. Then I realized that I hadn't called her either. I don't love her anymore, but I care about her as a friend. Then one day last week I get a message, 'Just called to say hi and see how you're doing. Also, I need your address to drop off a little something. I'm having a rough time (emotionally) at this time. (Meaning being without me at Xmas, I know her well). She dropped off a canister of her homemade spagetti sauce with a bow and ribbon that she knew I always loved. That was very thoughful and made me feel better.

And, like you, I spent my first Xmas alone in 15 years. I went from a long-term relationship into my first marriage, then pretty soon after that ended into my second marriage (the spagetti girl). That's why last night was so important to me. After the cancelation, it was just me and the Doberman and a good book. But...Thank God for my Mother and my long-distance family. The love that's there is amazing, I just wish I had a lady to share it with.

Meanwhile, I'll wait a few hours and call 'Miss emotional basket case' back and just listen.

[IKnowEverything]

I browsed over your first post...saw an 'X'...assumed "Box" would be attached to it...realized it wasn't...became immediately disappointed.

[Adonis]

I know what you mean i just wanted to spend time with the man I love and poof he's with someone else what the hell is that. But i guess after 15 yrs its tough. The thing about calling your ex-wife (spaghetti woman) when my ex didn't call me last year it was hard but i never called him either so you see we sometimes have to look at the actions we take or dont take in relationships. Last year i had taken my pictures down of him because he made me mad when came over to hang out (we always end up having sex everytime we see each other). I had no pictures of him up he got upset because of that. When I went over to his house he had none of me. So you see it has to go both ways. Relationships are hard I don't what I'm going to do if I should leave him be and wait for him to call or move on

I'm sorry to heare that Adonis, like you said, I know how it feels but my last nights situation is a bit different, everything was fine up until litterly the last minute. I won't drill her with questions, we're far too 'new' for that, but I'll listen. Her late night message says a lot. Maybe I'm rebound? Maybe she's confused? Again, I'll hear her out as I see potential and don't object to trying to help her. (Within reason, of course)

As far as exes and Xmas, I was really hurt that my ex-wife hadn't called for six weeks to just say hi and see how I'm doing. Then I realized that I hadn't called her either. I don't love her anymore, but I care about her as a friend. Then one day last week I get a message, 'Just called to say hi and see how you're doing. Also, I need your address to drop off a little something. I'm having a rough time (emotionally) at this time. (Meaning being without me at Xmas, I know her well). She dropped off a canister of her homemade spagetti sauce with a bow and ribbon that she knew I always loved. That was very thoughful and made me feel better.

And, like you, I spent my first Xmas alone in 15 years. I went from a long-term relationship into my first marriage, then pretty soon after that ended into my second marriage (the spagetti girl). That's why last night was so important to me. After the cancelation, it was just me and the Doberman and a good book. But...Thank God for my Mother and my long-distance family. The love that's there is amazing, I just wish I had a lady to share it with.

Meanwhile, I'll wait a few hours and call 'Miss emotional basket case' back and just listen.

[Fawn]

That deffinitly sucks. I'd call her back anyways to see how she's doing and ask what happened.

For me, well I've spent every christmas alone. I've never had a bf for any holiday; that means christmas, new years, valentines, etc. I have them imbetween the holidays and then would never make it to a holiday. lol.

So, this year I actually have a bf for christmas. Instead, he has to take care of his sisters (his parents went on a trip and they live 1 1/2 hrs away). So I got to see him for a few hours last night. More arguing with him for the first hours because he's been promising me an anniversary gift for the last 3 weeks and still hasn't gotten it yet. So I feel he doesn't even care. Then resulting in lots of "sorry's" and make-up sex. lol.

Then theres a possibility I won't even see him for new years, because he wants to go on this huge trip out of town with his friends and me to go stand out in the cold in toronto. I'm against it. I prefer going to a club or enjoying our time together watching movies and drinking wine.

[msibuc]

Well, sorta stood up. Plans canceled at the last minute. Here's the story....

About a week ago I was introduced to a very pretty lady, just my type though a mutual friend. We hit it off immediately and exchanged numbers. Spoke on the phone a lot, we each said some nice things, the chemistry was great and then made plans to get together Xmas night. She has no family, I made plans to spend Xmas day with my Mother (which I did). I was to call her at 6pm (which I did) Our plans were for 7pm. Got her machine, left a message. She called me back in a few minutes. Said she was getting ready and to call her in a half-hour for her address. Fine, no problem.

I call her back, her first words were "You're gonna kill me, but I have to take care of a roommate situation tonight, sorry." then mumbled something about haveing to show her place to a potential roommate. Who the hell looks at apartments on Xmas night? I was so shocked that somebody would do this at the very last minute especially on Xmas that I don't even remember my response.

My question is this... What would you do? I think it's rude, unless there was a dire emergency, (and showing an apartment isn't) yet I do really like her. Part of me thinks that if I call her, I look like a desperate wimp.

On the other hand, maybe I should be a bigger person and call to give her one more chance.

I'm confused. Thoughts please?

EDITED FOR UPDATE: I just checked my phone machine after I posted the above and there was a message from her. She must have called back last night after I went to sleep. She was crying, and said 'Like an idiot I went and called my ex, please call me back.' MAJOR RED FLAG. (I suspect alcohol abuse (AKA drunk dialing) I will call her later and find out what it's all about. I'm still interested, I can't say I'm not, but I can tell already that she's an emotional 'fixer-upper,' in other words, she's ****ed up.

I have to be real carefull here. Her clingyness and what seems like instant dependence on me is appealing to my big heart.

I was thinking that it was understandable, though not unreasonable to wonder about, that she had to show her apartment. My reaction would have been "how did she not know sooner than minutes before the date that she needed to show the place...but I don't know her very well yet and maybe she just flakes sometimes". This was until I saw the part about the message re: calling her ex. That seems to confirm, to some degree, your intuition that it was odd of her to bow out minutes before hand.

I think I'd be tempted to let it slide and call her. However, not being as close to it as you are, I think I'd suggest taking it slow and feeling out how she's doing. I'd say just send an email asking how things are going and feel it out from there - let her know you'd be into getting together, so "feel free to call me any time and let me know if you'd like to go...". She can then let you know when she's ready, and you don't have to get too emotionaly involved with a ? till you feel she's truly available. It's not entirely unusual, in my experience, for a person to find a person potentially attractive (e.g., her to you) while still not over their ex. She could handle it better (know herself well enough to know that she likes you, but needs time to get on better emotional ground re the past), but she's human like you and I. Be available, keep yourself informed as to how her feelings are going with her ex (recognizing that whatever she says, it's possible it could take months for her to move on), and if she's a good one, you'll be right there for her to see you're good too. You haven't laid yourself out like a doormat, just made yourself available.

The alcohol thing seems worth paying attention to. It seemed you meant SHE was drunk dialling? If so, she needs to get past some emotions (and drowning them in alcohol), it seems. I personally find women that seem to abuse alcohol (many of us do, to some extent, but there are shades) less appealing. And dealing with an alcoholic can be more than you're ready for.

[blackiesharley]

I know what you mean i just wanted to spend time with the man I love and poof he's with someone else what the hell is that. But i guess after 15 yrs its tough. The thing about calling your ex-wife (spaghetti woman) when my ex didn't call me last year it was hard but i never called him either so you see we sometimes have to look at the actions we take or dont take in relationships. Last year i had taken my pictures down of him because he made me mad when came over to hang out (we always end up having sex everytime we see each other). I had no pictures of him up he got upset because of that. When I went over to his house he had none of me. So you see it has to go both ways. Relationships are hard I don't what I'm going to do if I should leave him be and wait for him to call or move on

Well, here's the latest update. (It sure is nice to have you online anon friends BTW) She called me again and apoligized PROFUSELY for last night. Long story. I told her that I was pissed but I'd listen. Long story short, she knows that she ****ed up last night and is very sorry. She want's to come over and hang out tonight at my place. I said "yeah OK, I'll pick you up at 8. Wanna have a quick dinner somewhere?" She said "No, I've already eaten, just want to talk and be with you." Seems low maintance.

I'm keeping my guard up, but there was/is just something so special about her that I'm glad I'm giving her a second chance and not being a hard-ass.

Film at 11

[Nice Lover Boy]

I don't know man. She reminds me of some girl I use to date. She didn't last for a week! Good luck to you though.

[sfalexi]

I'd let her go. At first I thought it'd be ok cause you're both just getting to know each other and maybe she just chickened out or something. But the fact that she called her ex and then called you crying to "talk about it" says "stay away".

[blackiesharley]

Update: While I appreciate all the advice about being cautious, and I felt that way too, I have to say that I'm glad I gave her a chance. Last night was one of the most beautiful first dates I've ever had. She went on to explain to me why she had called her ex, (business reasons) and was upset. I understand, I've been there. She's a little goofy, but there was no real hint of an alcohol problem which I suspected at first. (Just a couple of wines throughout the night, no big deal)

We met for breakfast again this morning, then we each went to work. I'm picking her up in an hour for a very casual evening at my place tonight.

Sometimes...JUST sometimes, it pays to give someone a second chance. We'll see what happens....

[Nice Lover Boy]

Sometimes...JUST sometimes, it pays to give someone a second chance. We'll see what happens....

you said it! Sometimes. Gives us an update, ok?

[King Zarathu]

Very good. My advice suggests: Do not cling to her. Show yourself as independent and self-confident--full of self esteem. She'll most likely find it a turn-on.

=[LT]sK8eR2gO < n'zizzle >

[sfalexi]

As to the 'wine problem' coments, remember that it WAS on Christmas Day. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with someone getting drunk on SUCH a major holiday, PARTICULARLY when the next day is Sunday and chances are that they didn't have to work.

[blackiesharley]

As to the 'wine problem' coments, remember that it WAS on Christmas Day. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with someone getting drunk on SUCH a major holiday, PARTICULARLY when the next day is Sunday and chances are that they didn't have to work.

You're 100% right, (I do drink a bit myself) but it's just that I'm a little sensitive to alcholics due to two BAD experiences in the past. Three dates later with the new girl, I can see that she's only a moderate drinker, which is fine. All is good.