Feelings for a friend who is seeing someone else

[Mr_Spooge]

Hello I just made my account today and this seems like the place for such discussions. I will try and keep it short and sweet but no promises =P

I am a guy who is 20 and I have a female friend who is 19. I have know her for a year or two but in the last month or two we have become best friends to each other. I went through a rough time concerning my appearence and didn't see her or any of my other friends for months. Then we started talking again in June and we spoke often on facebook throughout July and have continued to do so through August and now into September.

In July at a party we were drunk and kissed but didn't talk about it until recently but it hasn't injured the friendship. We have told each other we consider each other as best friends which makes me very happy but I have these feelings for her. She had a break-up recently and her mum suggested me as a boyfriend but she told me that she told her mum that she said she sees me too much as a friend. Which made me feel good but hurt me at the same time. I feel that when it comes to love I always lose out.

A few nights back I got a text from her whilst she was drunk saying she loves me and i'm her best friend. The text requested that I went to hers to keep her company and I did and nothing happened in a romantic way. It was all strictly friendly and we had a laugh and watched Tv. I feel I was a good friend.

We spoke last night and we joke about me being like a girl as she can talk to me about anything and she told me she is seeing someone. As soon as I read it I felt sick and my heart ached like mad. I also felt weird as I felt happy for her as a friend. I put on some what of a front (well I typed as it was over facebook) that I was really pleased for her and acted like I was cool with it. I was actually heart broken.

I looked for help on the internet elsewhere and everyone just said tell her how you feel but I can't. Its not that simple. It could make things awkward and ruin the friendship. The friendship we have means the world to me and I couldn't risk it. I am a paranoid person and have lots of self confidence issues. I'm scared that now she is seeing someone she might forget about me or not speak to me as often. She is going to university in about a week and i'm going to miss her. I just feel like I can't win when it comes to love. I don't know what I want. I want to be best friends but I also desire a relationship with her. Is this just another girl I can't be with? I have lost out in love so many times before I feel like I don't deserve love.

Thank you for your time.

[devonbrown]

She only sees you as a friend, so your love is going to be unrequited for as long as you focus on it. You can stay friends with her, but you need to do something else for yourself. You need to look elsewhere for romantic interests. Maybe even ask her if she has anyone she can set you up with. If you have someone else you can concentrate romantic feelings on, you can relax a little and manage your friendship with her better.

Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Her going to school is a good thing. Use it as a way to ween yourself off of her. The reason this keeps happening to you is because you keep waiting so long to say how you feel. Girls aren't interested in someone who sits around waiting for girls to ask them out. Ask a girl you like out within the first couple of weeks. If she says no, stop talking to her, so you don't end up in situations like this one.

[6wordsentence]

hi friend,

what you want to do is touch her more often when you're together. that's it. since you're best friends like you say, it shouldn't be a big deal and that will work in your advantage.

start touching her hands and for short periods of time, then you gradually increase the periods for longer ones and slowly you go more intimate. Hands, shoulders, her lower back, her neck. when she's confortable doing these things you can move further on to things like cuddling, kissing, touching the ass, and other.. you know what I mean.

That's the missing link.

One more thing, remember that the eyes are the window to the soul. Look into her eyes for as much as possible, as long as possible. Go deep.

You hear me?

Good luck,

The 6 word sentence.

[Mathias]

hi friend,

what you want to do is touch her more often when you're together. that's it. since you're best friends like you say, it shouldn't be a big deal and that will work in your advantage.

start touching her hands and for short periods of time, then you gradually increase the periods for longer ones and slowly you go more intimate. Hands, shoulders, her lower back, her neck. when she's confortable doing these things you can move further on to things like cuddling, kissing, touching the ass, and other.. you know what I mean.

That's the missing link.

One more thing, remember that the eyes are the window to the soul. Look into her eyes for as much as possible, as long as possible. Go deep.

You hear me?

Good luck,

The 6 word sentence.

This is pretty terrible.

[6wordsentence]

This is pretty terrible.

really? are you in a happy relationship right now?

[Cerby]

really? are you in a happy relationship right now?

Gotta build some rapport with the forum before you start going after the regulars new guy. Otherwise your advice will just be taken as nothing, another Zuros or ctr.

[6wordsentence]

yeah, your right cerby, sorry for being so blunt

Hi, I'm mike, I'm a natural, I have lot's of friends which encouraged me to start my own business because they always come to me for advice. So they thought it would be great if I could help other people as well. That's when The 6 Word Sentence was build. If you want to know more just ask me. ok?

So that's me in a nutshell.

Thanks for your time

The 6 word sentence

P.S. hey I just wanna help. Don't ever try to get different results by doing the same things. That's just stupid.

[Mr_Spooge]

Thanks for the replies

@6wordsentence I appreciate the advice you have given but I don't think I will be taking it on board. If I was to do those things she would feel vulnerable and would lose all trust in me. I like to consider myself as a gentlemen so no way in a hundred years would I do those things to her. She's my friend. I have feelings for her but I couldn't do that to her. Its creepy.

@devonbrown That is good advice. She does just see me as a friend and I think I should just appreciate what I have. Its going to be tough seeing her having boyfriends but as a friend I will always have the honour of knowing her and being there and I think that we weren't meant to be a couple. Thanks again.

[Mathias]

really? are you in a happy relationship right now?

I don't want a happy relationship right now (or any one, obviously).

I do know my shit when it comes to relationships, though. The advice you gave was creepy, stalkerish, and a great way to get the girl to press charges against him. It was so over the top and completely awful across the board, I gave it the only response I could, which was blunt and direct.

You're obviously here to plug something. That's fine. Devon plugs his stuff, but he knows even more about this than I do. And he's patient and gives advice - and accepts criticism.

If you're not going to be a Devon, you might want to reevaluate things.

[6wordsentence]

ok, man, I didn't want to get at you or anything.. I'm sorry mathias..

But I tell you from experience here bro.. If you talk with a lady and you never touch her.. She will always want to be "just friends", you're the last sexually eligible guy that she knows. don't believe me, ask any confident female: if a guy never touches you, would you consider him relationship material??

you'll see what I mean.

But I respect your opinion though. Do what best fits you bro.

Have a nice day