!!! Help !!! Newbie family Problems. From "Kumbaya" to Devastated

**bobsofi** · 28-07-13, 05:26 AM

Hi all,

We need your advice.

BACKGROUND

5 sisters in their 50’s, parents in their 80’s. Great family, very close, never any interaction problems.

2 years ago, a sister (we will call her Suzy) leaves her seemingly terrific husband (we will call him Fred) of 30 years, for a gay women (we will call her Mary). Suzy has been having an affair with Mary for 6 months. Suzy leaves Fred (Fred has a terrific personality and makes over $50k a month), Suzy moves in with her lover Mary. Suzy has several adult children, the youngest away at college.

None of us had any idea that Suzy and Fred were not happy.

Suzy tells the family she is divorcing Fred, to live with Mary. The family is shocked, reacts angrily, and quickly figures out that Suzy will collect a large lump sum divorce settlement, and lengthy and large spousal support; and from my point of view, the disapproving family members envision Suzy as abandoning her children, and frolicking off into an undeserved life of sinful leisure.

The family immediately rallies around Fred, and invites Fred to holidays (Fred was never very involved before). Suzy is told… Mary is not welcome at family events. Future family events are organized to minimize the involvement of Suzy. Suzy’s children and Fred are invited, and attend, without Suzy’s knowledge.

I am the husband of the only sister that is supportive of Suzy. I am also very supportive of Suzy. My feelings are, Suzy has always been level headed, an intelligent kind soul, that was an integral part of the prior family “Kumbaya” success. We all make mistakes and divorce can be ugly. Suzy would not make the decision to leave Fred for Mary without careful consideration. Suzy, by far and away, deserves to be accepted, unconditionally.

The 3 sisters and the mom whom object, say it is not a gay issue, they say it is an infidelity issue, and how horrible the home wrecker Mary is. They will talk on and on about how great a guy Fred is, and how wrong Suzy was to leave him. What a horrible thing she is doing to the children. They will say things like “I just can't seem to get over this”. “ I am not comfortable supporting this wrong”.

This has gone along now for nearly 2 years. It is tiresome for me and my wife, to interact with the other members of her family, that so strongly disapprove of Suzy decisions.

Anyway, my life experience mental play book tells me. Be patient. Set the example. They will come around.

Now my wife and I are thinking. Distance ourselves from these people. Experiencing their point of view, actions and statements is painful.

This family was so “kumbaya” great, and now, sadly, is catastrophically broken.

??? What do you all suggest ???

I have seen many angry problem family's. This family that was so Kumbaya. It was amazing. It is hard to watch it whither.

!!! Thanks in Advance !!!

**michelle23** · 28-07-13, 07:31 AM

This is normal when someone cheats. She should have left her husband first before getting with M. It is v wrong to end a 30 year marriage through infidelity. Its not an easy thing to forgive and even harder to forget.

There is nothing you or your wife can do. That is how those individuals feel and they are allowed to an opinion just like you are. Imagine who you would feel if your wife was S or how would your wife feek if you did the dirty on her.. Its a v complicated situation

if you dont want to be involved, then keep your distance but you cannot change how they feel or what they do

**vashti** · 28-07-13, 10:28 AM

I think Suzy's family sounds freakin' awful. Assuming her children are grown adults, she has abandoned no one. Suzy has spent enough of her life living for everyone else (her kids, her ex husband, her rotten family), and she deserves to be happy before she dies. Whatever the courts award her in a divorce settlement was given to her because she EARNED it.

I think you and your wife should maintain a relationship with her (if that is what you wish) and refuse to listen to other family members talk smack about her or her partner. Just tell them you don't want to hear it anymore. You have a right to decide what sort of petty gossip you will and won't listen to.