Getting back together... ?

[thinker]

Ok. So, I've been thinking alot lately (haha, hence the name, no jokes please) about the whole breaking up, no contact, moving on, bla bla all that jazz... and have read countless posts about the subject... What I am wondering is about the whole getting back together with an ex thing... why is this so appealing to us? Is it just that we have built a sense of "home" with that person that we feel separated and cut off from? Like a part of ourselves that we left with the relationship? Is it just the comfort and friendship we have nourished with them that we somehow feel incomplete without and would rather have that back than try to initiate a new relationship and go through all the bends and twists that comes with that? What if we were perfectly happy in the old relationship and overnight the rug got pulled from under us, and we feel we have either unfinished business there, never got the chance to say goodbye, or what? My head has been going in circles about this, especially lately, dunno why...

On another note, does anyone have personal stories about this? Getting back together, how long was the first round, the separation, then the reuniting? I know a close family friend who was married for half a dozen years or so, wife walked out on him, then 2 years later they got back together, and I would have never known if I wasn't told; to this day they are very natural in their relationship, and one can sense absolutely nothing less than a happy couple... but how common is this? And, other than reasons involving abuse and pain and overall discontent, why would we NOT try to get back something we had that was so right? (though it may not have been the right time...) I'm saying, if we had it good, but it just went bad, should we shun away from trying to rekindle that lost relationship, or is it always protocol to avoid and purge ourselves of that... Is it just that we are so hell-bent on not making the same mistake twice that we put up our steel reinforced walls and send out battalions against any sign of this person we once deeply cared for? Another thing, how exactly does it work? I could not imagine going on a first date in over a year with someone you broke up with long ago... all the awkwardness and just tight-rope walking... eeeeeee...

I guess I am just asking for other peoples' thoughts on the matter; any stories, experiences, ideas, opinions, etc. would be much appreciated I feel like I am exhausting the parameters of my mind on this... going in circles and not coming to any definitive conclusions about anything... So, comment away

[King Zarathu]

Well, it's a good question. Megan is a perfect example of this. It's not that I think she's hot, but I want to **** her so badly it isn't even funny.... She's an ex. While I was dating her, I wanted to **** this other girl (Jordyn) very badly. So, I left Megan and ****ed Jordyn.

Today, I saw Jordyn at school and we have two classes together. I did no more than look in her general area to notice she was there, and was immediately slapped with the disgusting feeling of a negative integer for an IQ (hers). Though, it would be really nice to get head from her....

But anyway, I really don't really know.

[Gigabitch]

Sometimes people break up for reasons that had nothing to do with the relationship going bad. Unfinished business and an unbroken connection are pretty powerful motivators.

Most times it's not a possibility because most breakups are just horrible and at least one person gets shredded. If there are not too many hard feelings, I think it's possible to rekindle old flames, but the concern is that one or both parties are thinking nostalgically rather than realistically about a possible future.

I think there are a lot of things that can go wrong, but isn't that the case with new relationships, too?

[Freeway3137]

Thinker, I also have been pondering these thoughts...

Ever since my ex of 3.5 years and I have broken up over a month ago I always think if we'd ever get back together, and I am sure she does too, even though she's the one who broke it off.

It is the fear of never falling in love again. It is not feeling right in a future relationship. I have been I guess you can say, 'seeing' girls in a sense although I haven't done anything with them or went out with anyone else yet, but seeing what they have to offer to me in a relationship.

I for one am hoping in the future we can maybe get back together, but then when I think of all the negatives from our relationship, I ask myself, Why would I want to go through that again? It's a weird thing actually.

It was about feeling so comfortable with that person knowing that you did not have to worry about a thing when you were with them and that you could tell each other anything and you didn't have to worry how you acted in front of her. Now you are back to square 1 and have to start all over again with everything. Everything you built up is lost.

I knew so much shit about her that she hadn't told her parents or even her best girlfriends...

Hope this helps a little. I know theres more I have to say, I just can't think right now.

[thinker]

Good input so far Thanks guys!

Yeah, it really does depend a lot on how things ended... and what has happened since; if it was one of those plate-smashing fights and the plate-smasher immediately sleeps with some idiot the next day and what not, then probably not a strong chance But if it were more of a "this isn't right for us right now" and not TOO painful of a split, and both have had plenty of time to think life and futures over, then what? I am only asking these questions becuase I am thinking a lot about what lies down the road for me... my ex of over a year and I have been in some pretty minimal contact via email, but I do feel like she may be interested still; why would she want to have contact otherwise? I have made sure, however, that I'm not getting in the way of anyone else she may be seeing (which I think she might be) and am not forcing anything; still, I can't help but wonder... This would be a long term thing too... we live on opposite sides of the country, and will be that way for at least another two years, but I am finding myself re-opening the door to possibly being together again in the not-so-near future... which raises all sorts of questions I really feel I am in my right mind at this point; we had over 4 months of absolutely no contact whatsoever, which I felt was so necessary; and I was able to truly let go and pick myself up, so I really don't think I am being over nostalgic and certainly not the whiny rebound movie romance sort of deal either. I just wonder if it is good or even safe to reopen that path, and consider leaving it up to possibility... and why do I even want to? Like freeway said, there was, of course, some annoying things in the past, as there would be in any new relationship, to an almost infinite degree of chance... along with that, the good memories and things could be better in someone else... you see the cirlces I'm going in here? Why do we do this? I'm trying to find some logic or reason behind what I am feeling; my head and heart are in constant conflict, and both are equally stubborn Is it wrong to think about this? Can that sort of thing ever work out? I can't even imagine how though... eh... enough ranting... more thoughts now!

::EDIT:: And what happened to my rep points; they were like 60 yesterday Nobody likes me ... rep points were my only reason to go on anymore...

[vashti]

::EDIT:: And what happened to my rep points; they were like 60 yesterday Nobody likes me ... rep points were my only reason to go on anymore...

Did you look at your rep comments? Maybe you can see what advice you gave that people found objectionable.

By the way, I agree w/ Giga.

[Sami09]

Hello all i have a question for you guys have anyone ever been in a long term relationship and decided to take a break. Did you guys get back together? or did you guys find someone else. Do you think its healthy to take a break from a relationship or do you feel the couple should try to make it work.

[vashti]

Hello all i have a question for you guys have anyone ever been in a long term relationship and decided to take a break. Did you guys get back together? or did you guys find someone else. Do you think its healthy to take a break from a relationship or do you feel the couple should try to make it work.

Don't you think you should start your own thread?

[King Zarathu]

Don't you think you should start your own thread?

Uhhh... that would make too much sense.

[thinker]

Did you look at your rep comments? Maybe you can see what advice you gave that people found objectionable.

... apparantly I was "too simple" in one of my responses... which is odd considering how I tend to ramble Now I will never beat vashti's uber rep marathon... my life is a lie...

[Gigabitch]

Thinky-winky, REP MEANS NOTHING. Ignore it.

Yes, your ex is still interested. Yes, you might get back together in a few years. Yes, it could be magical.

No, you won't be the same people and your relationship will not be the same. No, that doesn't mean you can't get married and have a passel of kids and live happily ever after.

Keep the door open. Cracked, at least.

[thinker]

Thinky-winky, REP MEANS NOTHING. Ignore it.

Yes, your ex is still interested. Yes, you might get back together in a few years. Yes, it could be magical.

No, you won't be the same people and your relationship will not be the same. No, that doesn't mean you can't get married and have a passel of kids and live happily ever after.

Keep the door open. Cracked, at least.

This is the best advie I have seen yet Thanks, it helps to know you're not crazy once in a while...

The door will be cracked open, but others will be too; I will not be that guy that winds up on springer for stalking some chick who sat next to him on the school bus in 3rd grade and he sweats his love to It is just still a lot to think about; granted, things will be different, I certainly am a bigger, hopefully wiser and more mature person and I'm sure that would eb different. I just don't even know where all these thoughts come from sometimes... part of me wishes I never responded to that first email; eh... too much thinking! Thanks for all the input so far guys