The alcaholic breakup

[Oxford1422]

So I suppose I have come on this forum becuase I am angry. And I findit very difficult to tell people that. I am angry becuase I cant believe I let some one bring me down that low. He ruined me - he made me block so many feelings that I dont know how to feel any more.

For the last 2 years my ex's drinkin kept increasing - and he never understood why it made me mad. Infact he made it sound like I was crazy and obsessive - and for a long time I thought he was right. I realised it wasnt right for me to wait up untill 3am 4/7 nights a week just to see that he made it home alive and hadnt broken any more bones (arm twice, leg once), and then have to walk on egg shells the next day so I didnt make him mad during his hangover. He made me feel worthless - pathetic and like I had to stay becuase no one else would ever love me.

What I dont understand is how did he do this to me - how can some one minipulate me to a point were I dont know who I am any more. I'm struggling so much to cope with how he hurt me.

I have moved out now - but I just cant get passed it.

[Wakeup]

Read Codependent No More by Melody Beatie (I'm stating to sound like a broken record) and start going to Ala-non meetings. There is a meeting near you, just google it. They will give you support, help you to understand, encourage you to stop trying to control and help you with your own addiction (being codependent).

Good luck and congratulations for getting away and no longer enabling him. You will start to feel better if you start looking after yourself and concentrating on being the best you that you can be.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm gonna second the Al-Anon meetings. People who don't know what to look for are easily manipulated, and Al-Anon can help you there. It'll also help you realize that you're absolutely POWERLESS to stop the drunk in your life from drinking. You can't fix them if they don't want to be fixed.

Abusive people learn (usually at home during their childhood) how to manipulate others into doing and being what they want, and a huge part of that is making others, especially significant others, dependent on them. For example:

"You're going to leave me. Everyone always leaves me."

That's a great one to get someone to say "No I won't. I'm going to prove you wrong."

My wife's ex pulled that shit on her for 2+ decades... It's insidious. I'm not saying that one in particular happened, but abusive people are adept at that sort of thing. Al-Anon can help you recognize those, and give you tools to deflect those things should they happen to you.