The WORST possible situation!

[Kellie_Sabrina]

I am going to try to be brief & not draw this post out w/so many details that u lose interest or lose what the topic is about. BUT IT WILL BE LONG!

I am 18 years old and my bf is 16. I know! It sounds odd... but we're perfect together! I've only dated older guys, never anyone younger. But, we both knew from the moment we met that we wanted to be together. He is very intelligent, caring, & extremely attractive. He is not your typical immature 16 yr old either. W/that said, I have developed very strong feelings for him in the short time (3 mths) that we have been together. I've had a lot of bfs, but none that I cared so much about or was afraid of losing.

Here's the problem... I leave June 12 for Coast Guard boot camp. I will come home for 1 wk & then have to leave for 4 yrs. So we have agreed to break up the day I leave for training. However, his best friend is moving off to Wisconsin to live with his mom. My bf plans to leave May 31st to stay for 1 week with his best friend as he gets settled in Wisconsin. They are close as well. Neither of us want to break up, we are both very happy together, but it's inevitable.

I had a conversation with him today that left me feeling like I am only drawing this torture out longer by not going ahead & just letting him go. I feel so sad knowing that my life won't be the same without him, but I feel like I must be the mature one & stop us from seeing or talking the remaining time we have left. The more we are together, the more attached we seem to become. I know I luv him! That's a huge statement for me, but I know my feelings & I truly do luv him with all of my heart. That's why I feel the need to let him go now. We haven't said our good byes yet (I wanted to do that in person), but I think that may be too painful.

So let me tell you the conversation we had. It was through text messaging...

I asked him if he loved me.

He replied, "Sabrina, that is a hard question. I'm afraid to say I am in luv w/u, b/c I know I am about to lose u. And I am afraid to say that I'm not, b/c I don't want you to remember me in a bad way. I can't let go knowing that u are leaving. I hope u understand! I luv everything about u, & it hurts me to know that u & Chad are leaving me here alone. How do u feel about me?"

Realizing what a stupid question I just asked... I just said, "I like u! We will just leave it at that."

& then he asked if I was mad, which I said, "No, not at all!"

Which I wasn't! And he just texted back (He's at work, or we would be having this conversation by phone!)

He said, "Ok, it seemed like u might be mad for some reason. Sabrina, I care more about u than any other girl I have ever been with! I luv looking at u, holding u, & kissing u. God, you just drive me crazy when we're kissing! I just forget about everything else, nothing even matters when you're w/me. So can I see you Friday do u think? I have got to see u more than once b4 I go w/Chad to Wisconsin!"

I haven't texted him back... I think it's 4 the best that we don't see ea other anymore. I WANT TO! I DO! I was in tears last night thinking about it all. I just am so tired of knowing that I'm going to lose him... so what's the point?! I feel like it may just make me leaving harder on both of us. I'm just so torn! I feel really heartbroken ending it between us. Boot camp is going to be so difficult though, I hate to know that I will be going through the changes of that & having just lost my 1st luv too. I just feel like maybe we should start "the healing process" now. I'm so scared & confused! I don't know what to do! Should I continue seeing him, like this Friday! Or just let him go now...

[xwfuro]

i only read your last paragraph and if you have that attitude towards it let him go because in order for it to work you have to have a positive outlook which u dont.

[bluestrattos]

i think you should say goodbye to him, in person, but that won't be easy. After that you both should agree to go to separate ways and never speak again. May sounds awful what i said, but it's for the best for both of you.

let him go, you don't have the right to hold him for 4 years, and just leaving him with memories. With time you may start forget him (or not), but focus on the Coast Guard.

Maybe after 4 years you both can be together again, and who knows this time for good

[Kellie_Sabrina]

Oh my gosh! U totally just summed up what I feel I should do. He is only 16, he has 2 of the best yrs in high school ahead of him... It wouldn't be fair for me to hold on & try to keep him from happiness. I also debated over whether or not to try to visit him when I'm home or keep in touch. I felt it would be best to just end it completely like you suggested. And also like you said, who knows, in 4 years maybe we will be together again! I believe what is meant to be will be! I just didn't know what to do about the present situation. But I guess I will just see him once more to tell him good bye, & let us both move on. As painful as that sounds!

[Ellynn]

Definately get that closure and say goodbye.... Even as hard as it is...

Move on and do your thing...and let him do his... When that 4 yrs is up, if its meant to be, you two will get together again, if not then well it wasn't.

[Tiay]

I agree, you both deserve to say goodbye in person. So what if you aren't good at goodbyes? So what if it hurts? If you love him, you can't just up and leave without saying goodbye and wishing each other the best.
After the 4 years maybe you'll find each other again, or maybe he'll simply remain a fond memory of your first love. That memory will always be bitter if you never got to tell him how you felt and never said goodbye properly.

[Kay-C]

In the 4 years to come, you still have to live up your life the same way. That's correct, who knows you might meet him again after the four years. What you need to do now is accept your farewell and stay normal. At least for this four years. There's always time~

[Kellie_Sabrina]

I feel a lot better about our situation! I will live! I am just going to miss him a lot.

I just wish him the best in everything in the future. We are meeting Monday one last time to see each other again & say good bye. He told me that he didn't want our time together Monday to be awkward & that he wants to be able to kiss & hug me one last time... I asked him, "What if I cry?", & he said, "Then you will cry w/me, w/u... in my arms."! So I guess we will have one more go at it, wish each other the best, & say good bye. Who said life was easy anyways!

The odd thing is, he asked ME last night if I meant it when I said that I loved him, b/c that was all he could think about that night when I said it. He forgot about everything we had been arguing about at the time when I said that. I told him that I loved him a while back, but that's another story! So after he asked me last night if I meant it, I said, "I do luv u. I've never told any guy that. I've been told that! But I have never reciprocated that type of affection towards anyone in return. It has just never been there for me. I don't like telling you that under our current situation, but I have to be honest w/myself & you."

And he said, "Sabrina, I really don't know what to say. I have already said that I am scared to say that I love you."

I told him that I wasn't expecting him to tell me that, & that I was simply letting him know how I felt since he asked if I meant what I said about loving him...

I was fine w/him not saying it in return... Hell, I wouldn't have said it had he not asked! Then he had to tell me that he was SCARED to say it! WHAT?!

I SWEAR MEN ARE CONFUSING!!!!!

[DizzleBizzle]

Dont Go To Camp!

[Kellie_Sabrina]

Dont Go To Camp!

What a simple solution! Captain obvious! Haha! I'm just playing, sorry!

This isn't some random church camp or girl scout camp... this is MY LIFE camp!

I have wanted to be in the Coast Guard since I was little. I will have huge college benefits & the experience... just so many benefits with joining the Coast Guard. And too, like I mentioned, the dream of joining! I find the Coast Guard highly desirable for me right now. I just graduated from high school & this is what I want for the next 4 years, at least. I have a huge ambition to become an accountant, so whether or not I make a career out of the CG is still debatable. I will just have to see how well I like it & so on.

Not going is really just not an option. I live in a small nothing, nowhere town. I love it! But certainly, no career choices here! I want to be somebody & make something of myself! I won't give up my dreams for anything... And that doesn't mean I don't love him, it just means I love myself as well.

[vashti]

This is a natural time to make the break, and I think you are making the right decision to cut things off all together, but definitely do it in person, and soon.

[Gigabitch]

It wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't the real thing- so why disrespect the real thing by not giving him a real goodbye?

[Kellie_Sabrina]

It wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't the real thing- so why disrespect the real thing by not giving him a real goodbye?

That's true, it would be wrong of me. I was just hurting, & not accepting at the time I wrote that. I have since come to my senses. I don't think I could have done that anyways! It would just be too tempting to properly tell him good bye. I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't.

[loss]

woah i once had that siuation and gues wah i carried it out with a far distacne relationship but only lasted 1 month trust me it better to break now and say good bye....in 4 years who knows you guys might meet again? will you guys be the same? who knows will you guys have differnt parthner? who knows just go with the flow...