Hi, I'm Jon, I'm new here. Just needed somewhere impartial to vent some feelings and maybe get some advice from others...
My girlfriend and I have been together since we were 18. We stayed together through Uni (different locations), then moved in together 14 years ago and have lived together ever since.
We have had no significant arguments in 19 years. We like the same things, we have a lot of the same friends. She does everything she can for me, she's pretty and athletic and healthy. She lets me do pretty much what I like without any complaining. Everything is still good in the bedroom. All my friends and colleagues think that I'm the luckiest guy in the world....
but
I don't feel anything for her any more. I don't want to go places with her. I feel cold when she holds my hand when we're walking. I feel awful about it, she gives me everything but I feel nothing in return. I've felt like this for a good few years now and have just hoped that I would feel differently in the future, but I don't. I feel like I do everything out of obligation more than anything else. It's hard to end a relationship that works on all levels apart from not loving your partner. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't keep this up forever, I'm content, but not I'm happy, and know that I am missing out on a lot. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. Also, she deserves someone that wants to be with her.
It is all coming to a head now. I'd been away overseas on business for 6 weeks. I hoped I'd feel differently when I came back, but I don't. One of her friends has offered us their old house at a very good price and she wants to buy it. This would mean taking out a new large mortgage for the next 20 years (we've paid off our existing house). When she talks about it, I feel like it's a life sentence and I can't sign up to this, and then 12 months later leave, as it would be financial suicide for both of us, so I'm going to have to tell her soon.
I don't think she has any idea that I want to end it, or that I'm not happy, I know she's not going to take it well.
Obviously this is a huge decision, after 19 years our lives, friends and family are entwined together and splitting up will have an effect on so many people.
Any advice?
Has anyone figured out how to cope with the anxiety when going through this? I feel like I've got a neverending hangover, feeling shakey, tired, slightly sick and I've not slept more than a couple of hours a night in over 2 weeks.
Thanks,
Jon