Desperate..Need some female assistance!

[Sir.Skipp]

Hi,
I have a rather small/big problem.I have a collegue at work..very beautiful,and we started flirting...she has a boyfriend,they both love each other..Anyways...We talked at work and started to know each other.Her boyfriend split up with her in november because she got drunk one night and kissed a guy in front of him.
One day after work we went to smoke some weed toghether at her place.....that night we didn't do anything ...although we slept together..the second night we went again after work at her place and we sat together smoking a cigarette and ..we kissed.We liked it and we had sex instantly.
We went to work acting as collegues....everything ok,I told her that we shouldn't care to much about each other because it will hurt and we decided that we should have a kind of **** buddy relationship.We tried but we broke every rule of a **** buddy relationship.Yesterday at work we met and I told her that it was better not to see each other anymore because it will just complicate our lives(Of course I didn't mean it ...),she said "ok...but I don't wanna"(she was almost crying)and i told her that I am hurt too ..but it is better this way.We said ok...but not sure ...She went that night to meet up with her ex ...she wants to make up with him.
My Questions are :
1.Is it possible for her to love him ...and care about me (as in a boyfriend)?
2.If she loves him ...how could she care about me ? I know she cares because she started crying when I told her that this thing should finish !
3.what should I do ? Should I call her ? How can I make her mine ? How can I make her stop loving her boyfriend (I know ..it sounds nasty ..but I think I love her ..) ?

[sookie6]

I told her that we shouldn't care to much about each other because it will hurt and we decided that we should have a kind of **** buddy relationship.
We tried but we broke every rule of a **** buddy relationship.Yesterday at work we met and I told her that it was better not to see each other anymore because it will just complicate our lives(Of course I didn't mean it ...),she said "ok...but I don't wanna"(she was almost crying)and i told her that I am hurt too ..but it is better this way.

From the look of it you went out of your way to sabotage the relationship from the start probably in a lame attempt to protect yourself from getting hurt...

Now that you might have lost her you are having second thoughts and would like possibly to fix things between the two of you...

Why don't you first seat down, think and decide if you want a proper relationship.

If you only want to f...k then maybe you should stay away from this woman as her life seems already quite messed up...BTW I don't think ****buddies or whatever you call it works...it is a sad arrangement that most always end up in tears...

If you would like to be with her...then throw away all the shit that's happened so far, go and talk to her.
Tell her you have feelings for her and that you would like to try a exclusive relationship for a while and see if you can become a couple.

I hope something good will come out of this...we need some happy news on this forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sir.Skipp]

I didn't want a **** buddy relationship...if i would have chosen sex ..than I had a choice with someone else ...It's the fact that we get along very well as friends ..and she loves everything I do with her ...she likes it very much..the only problem is that she loves him ..and I don't want to crash her relationship...anyway...I had a talk yesterday with her ..and she told me that "If I make up with my boyfriend I don't know how to stop kissing you at work ..." anyway..she involuntarely put some heart in this messed up thing ...and me too...(a little more on my side)..I am very depressed right now ..knowing that she meets with him or is with him right now ..it drives me nuts ...Hope it will pass soon..cause she is one of those girls with high standards .....damn..i hate this thing...I know that it was a mistake and still went on...we'll see in time .Reply pls .. thanks!!!

[sookie6]

If she wants to be with this guy then let her be.

But do not let her string you along...be firm and show her that she can't have all of both worlds...

[Sir.Skipp]

Your kinda right...I'll see tomorrow at work...thanks

[Supernova]

Hi,
I have a rather small/big problem.I have a collegue at work..very beautiful,and we started flirting...she has a boyfriend,they both love each other..Anyways...We talked at work and started to know each other.Her boyfriend split up with her in november because she got drunk one night and kissed a guy in front of him.
One day after work we went to smoke some weed toghether at her place.....that night we didn't do anything ...although we slept together..the second night we went again after work at her place and we sat together smoking a cigarette and ..we kissed.We liked it and we had sex instantly.
We went to work acting as collegues....everything ok,I told her that we shouldn't care to much about each other because it will hurt and we decided that we should have a kind of **** buddy relationship.We tried but we broke every rule of a **** buddy relationship.Yesterday at work we met and I told her that it was better not to see each other anymore because it will just complicate our lives(Of course I didn't mean it ...),she said "ok...but I don't wanna"(she was almost crying)and i told her that I am hurt too ..but it is better this way.We said ok...but not sure ...She went that night to meet up with her ex ...she wants to make up with him.
My Questions are :
1.Is it possible for her to love him ...and care about me (as in a boyfriend)?
2.If she loves him ...how could she care about me ? I know she cares because she started crying when I told her that this thing should finish !
3.what should I do ? Should I call her ? How can I make her mine ? How can I make her stop loving her boyfriend (I know ..it sounds nasty ..but I think I love her ..) ?

Firstly, she has just broken up with her boyfriend, the emotions would be raw. She is vulnerable, I would say that the sex was mistake, it was to fill the void. (we have all done it). If someone is really attracted to you and wants a relationship with you, they would not be **** buddies, that arrangement NEVER works. I would leave things, let her get herself together emotionally, then if you are still interested, ask her out on a normal date, (no sex), see what happens.