Snooping!!

[ahconfused]

I know I did wrong for snooping into my gf's facebook, but for some reason I had a feeling she was lying about a certain guy. I had read a message from my gf now, at the time we were only seeing each other for the last month and a half or so, the message says that she loves him, and the time and place wasn't right they'd be together, and goes on like that. 5 days later we start dating and she said that she loves me. We've been dating for 2 months now and I haven't read this message up until now. I dunno if I should feel mad or should I shrug it off, because when I asked about this guy she said nothing is happening and nothing ever will. I dunno it just seems so effed up to me.



Any opinions will help!!

Thanks!

[John Littlejohn]

Cheating is bad because it represents a betrayal of trust.

You've already betrayed her trust by snooping in her private messages.

What gives you the right to minimize YOUR betrayal while wringing hands over HERS?

[James Banes]

Wrong, Littlejohn!

Women snoop into men's stuff all the time: their phone, their computer, onto facebook, through their clothes. I've read a lot of threads on various relationship forums, including this one, and there are many threads where women become suspicious of men after snooping through their stuff. In fact, I think there's a thread on this forum about foreign condoms a woman found after snooping through her bf's duffle bag.

If snooping through someone else's things is cheating then whoa! There are a shitload of female cheaters out there. Perhaps the majority of women.

[John Littlejohn]

Wrong, Littlejohn!

Women snoop into men's stuff all the time: their phone, their computer, onto facebook, through their clothes.

And all those people are scumbag betrayers of trust, yes. What's your point?

If snooping through someone else's things is cheating then whoa! There are a shitload of female cheaters out there. Perhaps the majority of women.

Indeed. As are the majority of men. Human beings are flawed creatures, and capable of talking themselves into all kinds of betrayal. Anyone who rifles through my phone, e-mail, and condom packets is unworthy of my love, and won't be enjoying it for terribly long. If that sort of behavior is acceptable to you, however, no one is telling you not to date a snooper if that's what gets you off.

[mwahahaha]

How many times must i say it. Facebook is for knobs. No good ever comes from it. As for your bird , she sounds mental, hope shes pretty at least. If not, give her the elbow for "telling lies on facebook". Only in america.........

[ahconfused]

Well she gave me her v-card so I know she loves me. So you think I'd be ruining things if I even mention snooping?
The reason why I snooped is my previous serious relationship she was always hitting on other guys and she was hiding a bunch of shit, and I just felt the same way as when my previous gf lied to me about this guy.
It still sounds effed that she can call this guy babe and be all lovey dovey while we were together ish already for a month and a half and then 5 days later were official.

[MerryH]

It still sounds effed that she can call this guy babe and be all lovey dovey while we were together ish already for a month and a half and then 5 days later were official.

That happened before you were official. That means that she didn't do anything wrong.

So you were suspicious of her and you snooped. You didn't find any evidence that she was cheating or hiding anything, or whatever. Don't you feel relief and like a bit of an idiot now? It's like you're trying really hard to feel persecuted. Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

I think you should tell her you did it. She needs to know that you're not to be trusted and that there's something wrong in your relationship because instead of trusting her and talking to her when you have concerns, you take it upon yourself to basically steal the information you're looking for.

[oldskool83]

stay off of facebook, its like seeing into you mind and phone at the same time. i have a facebook but i dont get on internet much because i dont have internet at my house anymore or on my phone. learn to talk to people instead of figuring out passwords. you snopped cuz you dont have the balls to ask in person.

also you must have alot of time on your hands to go around thinking stuff and trying to find it true. keep you hands busy, bored hands get you in trouble. reason you trying to valadate yourself for going across the line with somthing in your relationship...

and im not sorry i called you out, you just got owned!

[devonbrown]

I agree with MerryH 100% on this. Your girlfriend didn't do anything wrong because you were not official at the time of the message. However, you did something wrong because you snooped. And you know you did wrong. Your insecurity is your issue, not hers. Don't go putting your problems on her.

And I seriously doubt if you snooped just that one time to check that one message. You need to deal with your issues of not being able to trust. Tell your girlfriend that you snooped on her, and it is because you have baggage from previous relationships and you can not trust or be trusted. See how she reacts to the truth.

Fix yourself first.

It still sounds effed that she can call this guy babe and be all lovey dovey while we were together ish already for a month and a half and then 5 days later were official.

Also, stop thinking that what you would do or not do should apply to everyone else. "together-ish" probably means something very different to you than it does to her.

[bulrush]

Don't judge her by her words, judge her by her actions. Your gf sounds confused. Have her FB messages said she loves someone else AFTER she said she loved you?

You need to figure out if she is still confused now that she's with you, or she was just lonely that one time when she told the other guy on FB she loved him.

People often confuse infatuation with love. Be careful not to make decisions based wholly on emotions. It usually ends up very badly.