Accidentally Dodged His Kiss Even Though I REALLY Like Him. How do I Fix This?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

To this point he's been straight forward about his feelings, so to suggest he is playing games is akin to suggesting he might be a bank robber. OP has shown evidence of game playing. This guy just seems to have shifted his focus. And again, I don't think bringing up rejecting his kiss is a good idea.

[searock]

Where has OP shown evidence of game playing?

I think communicating is always a good idea, if she doesn't say anything she's going to miss her chance with this guy. She needs to learn how to communicate effectively and to the point.

[searock]

To the low-IQ people who are saying that "women feel so entitled", might I remind you we live in a society that slut-shames women for being open about their sexuality. So maybe, a woman will not be as open with her sexuality as she would like to be, on a first date. This why some of the women here think it's the guy's job to not give up after one single missed kiss on the frickin' first date. Use your brain a little.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She says she "REALLY likes" this guy(who she's known a week), but then holds out. Sounds like she liked the attention, was unsure, and is now "REALLY" interested because he is not anymore. That is evidence. It is not proof, but it is evidence, as it's a common pattern.

[searock]

She did mention that her pulling away from the kiss might have been a reflex from her past relationship with a guy that would play mind games with her and force her to kiss him every time he decided she should have.

[HDBadger]

Again, Searock, you resort to ad hominem attacks when people disagree with you. You're entitled to your opinions. BackUp and I are entitled to ours.

If you continue with the immature name calling I'll report you. You're the only person in this thread calling people "stupid" and insinuating they have low IQs because they don't agree with what you have to say.

[searock]

HDBadger, ad hominem attacks are when you don't provide a counter-argument to somebody's thesis, so you resort to name-calling and so on. I provided a counter-argument AND I resorted to name-calling because people like you rub me the wrong way.

You are the only one in this tread implying that someone can't understand things and only says things "because she's a woman". This is sexist and it's MUCH worse than immature name-calling out of being sick to death of sexism. It is also stupid because in this particular case you obviously miscomprehended my post: I was NOT arguing that a guy should "chase" a woman that is clearly not interested, quite the opposite, I was saying that SHE should contact him and explain to him that she actually really likes him and feels silly for missing her chance at that first kiss. If after such a clarification he still doesn't want to go out with her again, it means he isn't really interested in her (and there's nothing wrong with not being interested in someone!). This is what I said and this is why I assume that you have understanding issues due to the astounding amount of prejudices against "women" that you have in your head.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She did mention that her pulling away from the kiss might have been a reflex from her past relationship with a guy that would play mind games with her and force her to kiss him every time he decided she should have.

"Maybe it was just like flashbacks to that or something"

Not buying it at all, but I'm also not surprised in the slightest that you do. Even so, God forbid a guy want to kiss his girlfriend goodbye. I'd think having to demand a kiss goodbye from your girlfriend instead of her wanting to give one is more "mind game-y" on her part.

Just reread that last sentence you wrote again. I've tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but now you really do just sound like you're taking her side because because you want to. I do agree that your suggestions have been pretty reasonable up until the quoted above.

HDBadger isn't being sexist, he's just responding to your bias.

[HDBadger]

You've been reported. I've voiced my opinion in the thread, nothing more. If you want the last word, have at it. I have nothing more to add.

[searock]

Your opinion is that a person is unable to understand and says things just "because she is a woman". You can be proud of yourself.

I was going to respond to Searock but it's obvious she's just taking the OP's side because she's a woman.

[searock]

"Maybe it was just like flashbacks to that or something"

Not buying it at all, but I'm also not surprised in the slightest that you do.

That's because I've been in a similar position. I know what it feels like to feel forced into having sexual/physical acts and the effects it can have on your future dates and relationships, particularly when it comes to spontaneous reflexes of pulling away from physical contact.

Even so, God forbid a guy want to kiss his girlfriend goodbye. I'd think having to demand a kiss goodbye from your girlfriend instead of her wanting to give one is more "mind game-y" on her part.

Clearly it felt forced and unnatural to her, otherwise she wouldn't have said so. Again, I know that feeling, there's a huge difference between exchanging kisses when saying goodbye and being DEMANDED a kiss or made to feel guilty for not giving one. You might be right, but I don't think we can rule out the possibility that the OP is being honest about this.

now you really do just sound like you're taking her side because because you want to.

I am not taking anybody's side, I actually said many times that I think she is doing a very poor job at communicating effectively what she wants.

HDBadger isn't being sexist, he's just responding to your bias.

So saying that I only said certain things "because I'm a woman" and refusing to try to explain his views to me because I wouldn't understand since I'm a woman isn't sexist?! Especially since I said nothing to imply that I was taking the OP's side (?!). Talk about bias.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Him saying you're taking her side because you're a woman is not sexist. He was pointing out your bias, which I also see, and you have admitted to since you said you can identify with her. He assumed that bias was because you're a woman, again not sexist, he didn't know past and it's an easy conclusion to jump to. I don't see where he says a woman is incapable understanding his view. You identify with her, and your opinion shows that. I identify with the guy(not because he's a guy, but I've been in the same situation), so I have less tolerance. We all have a bias. I think she had a bullshit excuse whether its you or her using it, and I still can't think of a scenario when you'd turn down a goodbye kiss from your bf/gf. I did try to alleviate the influence of the bias by acknowledging that what I was pointing out was merely evidence, not proof. I also said I thought your suggestions for OP were reasonable. Your whining and moaning about everything being sexist, is not.

[Empty Road]

If that happens to me, the only way the girl will fix it is she has to take charge like grab me and kiss me I suppose. lol

[searock]

Him saying you're taking her side because you're a woman is not sexist.

Except that it is, because me being a woman has nothing to do with whose side I'm going to take (in this specific case, no side at all).

He was pointing out your bias, which I also see, and you have admitted to since you said you can identify with her.

I identify with her possibly true and possibly not true gut reaction of "pulling away" from physical contact because of negative past experiences. This is NOT something that is restricted specifically to women, it is something that concerns ANY person (or almost any person) that has been recently or less recently forced to have physical/sexual interactions with someone else against their will. It has nothing at all to do with me being a woman.

Also, it does not mean that I identify with her as a whole, nor that I am "taking her side". It just means that IF what she is saying is true, then I can understand the feeling, and that's why I'm not ruling it out like you are.

He assumed that bias was because you're a woman, again not sexist

LOL, how could it be less sexist? It's like if a guy came here talking about how he's cheating on his wife and some guys started telling him that he's doing the right thing, and I told those guys that they're "just saying it because they're guys". It's such a close-minded and pointless thing to say, really.

I don't see where he says a woman is incapable understanding his view.

He implies that I will never change my mind about taking her side even if he were to explain his view to me, because I'm a woman. (Ironic, since I've never even actually took her side at all.)

You identify with her, and your opinion shows that. I identify with the guy(not because he's a guy, but I've been in the same situation), so I have less tolerance.

There you have it: I don't identify with her because she's a woman, I identify with her on the specific issue of pulling away from physical contact due to past negative experiences because I have experienced similar things, therefore I know that they are very real feelings and reactions. Again, it has NOTHING to do with my gender.

I think she had a bullshit excuse whether its you or her using it

I can assure you that being forced to physical/sexual acts against your will is going to make life for you a lot harder in the future, you will be unwilling to get physically close to other potential partners and there will be lots of "triggers" that will bring all the horrible memories back.

and I still can't think of a scenario when you'd turn down a goodbye kiss from your bf/gf.

In an unhealthy relationship for example... one where one of the partners is controlling and/or violent and the other partner is unwillingly submissive and they're both co-dependent. This is just an example, there are many other examples of toxic relationships in which such an occasion could occur.

Of course this (i.e. baggage from past toxic relationships) would be for many persons a red flag per se, so if the guy identified her gut reaction as baggage from past toxic relationships, I can see why he wouldn't want to see her again.

I also said I thought your suggestions for OP were reasonable. Your whining and moaning about everything being sexist, is not.

Saying that a woman is "taking sides" with someone and it's pointless to try to reason with her because she is a woman is sexist. I'm not sure what you mean by "everything", I never mentioned "everything being sexist".

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned we can get back on topic. Although as long as OP doesn't give us an update there isn't really much we can discuss.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You might not think your bias comes through, but it does. Now, you are starting to sound like the stereotypical irrational/emotional woman, incapable of arguing based on logic and reason. Not only are you partially quoting my statements, it's obvious you're completely missing the point of what I'm saying in a few of them. You were somehow trying to prove me wrong on a point that I was agreeing with you on.

I don't think what he said could be less sexist. He noticed your bias and assumed it was because you're a woman because it is common, among men and women, to take up for their gender in a situation. Not knowing your background, he assumed this common behavior was the reason. Had you not had similar background, it would be hard to argue there was any other reason for your bias. In any event, him saying you took her side because you're a woman is personal to you. He didn't say, all woman always take all women's side because they're women. He said that because the OP is a woman, you are taking her side. Big difference, and again you're twisting words to hear what you want to hear..another symptom of the stereotypical irrational/emotional woman, incapable of arguing based on logic and reason.

OP didn't say she was abused. She said he was "mind game-y". I don't see how someone forces/guilts someone with their mind, unless the other person doesn't want to in the first place.

As far as everything being sexist, I meant that as a general statement, since you bring it up all the time. Even when there is nothing.