Newbe Advice

[wcm]

I honestly thought that people who became infatuated and in love were lying. This warm fuzzy feeling they talked about just never resonated. I’m misunderstood, weird and reclusive I told myself. Love or feelings of attraction on a grand scale won’t ever truly happen for me.

For the last 2 months I have realized how wrong I was.

It’s both exciting, embarrassing and scary.

At first It was just a little bit of a crush. A girl whom I’d spoken too before who liked a band I liked as well as other cool music I loved. She had a great vibe and a down to earth couldn’t give a toss way of thinking. Intelligent and easy to talk too, and of course common interests.

Yes, she’s also very beautiful, as corny as it sounds. Her eyes are so big and deep I couldn’t help but stare straight into them.

I was quite taken at that point and had this massive desire to get to know her better.

This was hard of course. I lack confidence. I hate my physical appearance and of course I’m a bit of a loner. boo hoo.

I also decided that the last thing this girl needed was another infatuated moron constantly trying to get her attention.

Who would want someone like me interested in them? God help them. I mean, I’d probably never act upon this impulse but if I was them I’d hate knowing of my desire.

So I stood off for a while, but soon I was seeing her everyday passing me in University and that fuzzy feeling, or leap of the heart was their speaking to my brain.

Very occasionally we talked but never anything engaging or such, just musical drivel and mutual admiration for one’s taste.

Before the end of my last year at Uni I remember randomly bumping into her and almost having a heart attack. She was looking for a teachers office, and was very worried about a hand in and needed to find this member of staff.

I wandered round with her for about 10 minutes trying to help, laughing as we peeked into a few staff rooms receiving some very strange looks.
I left her then to go to a lesson, but my god it was a boost. To her it was probably just another encounter but to me I was on cloud 9. I remember going into my lesson and flying though the exam I had filled with elation that I’d successfully engaged in a fun endeavor with her.

Over the summer I had nothing to do really. My mind dwindled on her every day. I mean every day too.

I felt lonely at home away from University. I have no completely close friends with whom I could divulge this information, so often I’d go for midnight walks and ask myself questions about what to do.

I decided that their was an infatuation, that had to go, and the only way it could go is if I made a solid effort to talk to her. After that I’d realize that it was all a silly hormonal thing or whatever and I’d be fine and able to sleep better.

So I made the effort this year to get into her clique, and talk to her during lectures and such.

I told myself it wouldn’t be long before I’d see her for something different and forget my feelings for her, able to move on and find someone proper one day.

Problem is as it turns out is she’s amazing. You’ve no idea, I’m not just saying this for added effect.

She’s like me in many ways. Into good music, films and is politically very left. Everytime she says something I’m taken aback at how much I agree or think similarly you know. We have other similar interests which I’d rather not divulge for legal reasons

I was a bag of nerves when she happened to sit next to me and start talking in a music lecture back in September. God she was funny, engaging and interesting, and here I was laughing and nodding offering nothing.

Over the last few weeks I’ve started talking to her in these lectures which I make sure I never miss, and as a result I’ve got to know her a bit more.
Facebook talk occasionally too where I re-assure her that her essay is indeed fine and that no she wasn’t bothering me by sending it across.
She’s very popular with the staff, and has from what I can see a large friend group back home. She commutes to Uni everyday whilst I live here, so spending time outside of Uni with her has been hard except the odd party.

So yeah, the infatuation didn’t wane and I think…god forbid…I may be falling in love. Urgh.

To even type that is a bit embarrassing, and to come on here asking for advice is to me a little soppy, hopefully she’ll never know. But what in the hell do I do now?

This is my last year at University and I feel like I have to do something before it’s over and I may never see her again.

But I’m so boarded up and unable to say things in person, you know like ‘I really like you ect….’

It would take a lot for me to be able to do that, I’m better at writing these things down.

Also I’m not sure if she’s even interested or just cool and friendly, and I keep telling myself I’m too boring and unintelligent for her.

God yesterday she was talking during a lecture to me and I just kept staring at her unable to look away and very nearly blurted something out or just kissed her.
So this is the problem. I have to do something, just how do I go about it?

I’m not massively experienced as you can tell, only having one girlfriend in the past which was set up through a mutual friend. Nothing there but she was nice and I didn’t have to really ‘court’ her so to speak. God that sounds so ‘ladish’.

So yeah, I’ve typed this at about 6am as I couldn’t sleep and wacked it on the first forum I find that offers insight. I’m embarrassed that I have to do this, but like I said I’m a ‘bloke’ and I don’t have anyone to confide in.

Advice?

[katyk]

Hi, its not embarrassing at all.....most people have infatuations at a young age and some throughout their lives! It is a perfectly normal passage of growing up! I have no idea if anything will come of this. You are still testing the water! Stop putting her on a pedestal though! She is a human being and will have her good qualities and her bad qualities. She isn't a goddess - no matter what you think.

If you feel you want to find out if there is any possibility of a relationship. Get up the courage to ask her! OK you may be let down but at least you know! Nothing ventured, nothing gained type of thing. If you feel you really can't do that, then just concentrate on enjoying yourself. A happy person is a magnet! You say you have a lot in common...focus on talking about these things.

If nothing happens and you leave uni, if you haven't approached her, you will enter a whole new exciting world and make lots of new friends. A long way down the line, you will occasionally remember this infatuation and you will laugh about it!