I Can't Stop Thinking About My Ex-Husband.

[Reddy262]

I'm new here and asking for advice online is new for me. I am sorry to say I first tried Yahoo Answers! and got little help for what has been happening to me lately and I am a little too shy to ask for advice from my family and friends.

I was married for 9 years and had a daughter with my husband. However, we divorced after our lives began going in different directions. He is an England native and after marrying me he moved to the US but after 9 years he got his dream job offer and seeing as we were in a rut/dry spell at the time I simply thought a divorce would settle our problem and he moved back while I maintained custody of our daughter, though he continued to play an active role in her life.

My ex-husband and I have always remained on good terms and were never one of those bitter divorced couples who were constantly at each other's throats. We have been divorced for 12 years and though there have been tender moments between us, I always though reconciling with an ex-spouse was a futile investment of time, as the odds are seriously against you. About 2 years ago we had a discussion on the matter and agreed that we now had our own lives and lived across the world from each other.

We both have had long and short term relationships since our divorce and I almost re-married once before discovering my husband-to-be had a very shady financial background. Yet both of us remain single. Anyway, I never really thought about re-igniting the sparks of our past relationship until March of last years which is when I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. It was a shock because I've always been kind of a health nut and the whole situation was very scary.

When my daughter informed her father he surprised me by returning to help out but only for as long as his work schedule would permit, he then returned to London. Last week I was told I am cancer free which has me still in a state of awe as I now cherish every moment I have. Yet, since being told of the good news.... I cannot get my ex-husband out of my mind. I think may back in (and possibly have been all this time) love with him. I find this odd as I tend to be a very logical and practical woman.

I would ask my sister and friends about it but they have a tendency to advise to take the road that fits their liking. I wouldn't dream of speaking with my daughter about it, so not to get her hopes up. The whole thing has me just wanting to hop on a plane, tell him how I feel and move to London. I know it's all very melodramatic - which is something I have always shied away from in my life. I guess what I'm asking is... will this pass? Or has my brush with death served as a realization?

I know I may make it sound all very movie-esque , it's not like I'm sitting here dying (bad choice of words) without him here. It just feels like he should be though. Not to mention what happens if I do this and he doesn't return my feelings? But then why would he come back to help out of he didn't care? See it's all very confusing... which is why I need people who aren't involved in this opinions. I can't shake the feeling that maybe I let the best thing I ever had walk out of my life 12 years ago.

[magictree]

As a man in a somewhat similar position: We've been divorced for years, live in different countries and my ex wife and mother of my 2 children is seriously ill. Of course I care for her and am trying to do all I can to help but that doesn't mean I want to get back with her. I've stayed in her house to help but there's a barrier I can't cross, even if I want to... I hope this can be of some help!

[pisces25]

seeing as we were in a rut/dry spell at the time I simply thought a divorce would settle our problem

Divorce seems a bit extreme for being in a rut. Was there not more to it? How come you didn't want to move to England with him?

[Reddy262]

I didn't want to move with him because our daughter was all situated in school here and we both agreed we could not take her out and move her to a foreign country. And I had my career as well, something I worked hard to achieve myself. We discussed the possibility of continuing the marriage long distance but agreed it would be foolish given our current (at the time) position. He gave up his dream job for years and who was I to tell him no when he gave up his for mine for so long?

And when we had that discussion two years ago it was he who wanted to reunite and was willing to move back but I could not in good conscience permit him to again leave what he has wanted for so long behind for me. And now I realize that my marriage failed because of my own selfishness. If perhaps I gave up my career for a while so he could have his we could still be together.

[pisces25]

So why not just take a risk and ask him how feels? You have a 50% chance of getting the answer you want. And who knows he could be thinking the same thing.

If he isn't you know and can do your best to move on. Otherwise you will always wonder.