Should I get back with her or move on ???

[NewYorkThrone]

So I had been going out with this girl for about 2 and a half years and everything was great and normal. We had gotten together in college and I had transferred to another college about a year and half into the relationship and it was still good. At this 2 and half year mark, it was her turn to transfer. So we would be going to different colleges, but less than an hour away. (Living on campus) However, a few weeks before she left for college, she broke up with me over the phone saying that she didn't feel like she would have time for a relationship and that she wanted to try new things and experiment. In my mind, I was completely heartbroken and mad so I tried to get her back and convince her we could work it out with the distance, but she insisted on breaking up. A few month went by and we still texted as friends and stuff and hung out every once in a while. The problem is, we have been hanging out almost every week and talking and she acts like we are still in a relationship when we arent. She kisses me and hugs me and does everything a normal couple would do. Today we hung out during spring break and she acted the same way. So i asked her what her mindset was with "us" and she said she isnt ready for a relationship and she doesnt have time. I am completely confused and I feel like i have been led on for the past few months. I feel really bad shutting her out of my life because I still have feelings for her and she said she still likes me and wants to be with me. But she doesnt want a relationship ? I feel like she wants the benefits and feeling of a relationship without one. And when I bring up bf and gf again, she talks about "Why does the title even matter if everything is fine regardless?"

But to me, everything isn't fine. Any thoughts ?

[JJhon]

I don't know why are you trying to label the thing that you both are having... Just let it happen...
Is that so important to you?

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[NewYorkThrone]

I don't know why are you trying to label the thing that you both are having... Just let it happen...
Is that so important to you?

Sent from my Galaxy S2

The title isn't the big issue. I'm just confused that she acts like we are in a relationship when she is the one that broke up with me. She just wants to be friends, but doesn't act accordingly. If the time isn't "right" to be together, how long am I supposed to wait around for her ? How do I know she isn't acting the same way with other people ?

[JJhon]

The best scenario is to let her go, but first try talking to her yo know what she wants. It's not usual friends keep kissing and stuff

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[VerticalMoon]

This is why it's a good idea to go "no contact" when you break up with someone. Otherwise, it's really hard to change feelings or the pattern of behaviors. You can say you've become just friends. But if nothing else changes, then it doesn't seem real, and you enter into a gray area.

The answer to her question of why the title has to mean anything is that it's not the title that's meaningful. It's what the title represents. Saying you're boyfriend and girlfriend means that you're taken. If someone else wants to go on a date or get physical intimate, you're going to turn them down because you're already taken. And with the amount of time you guys have been together, your commitment should be about a lot more than that. Your relationship with each other should be one of the most special and meaningful things in your life. It's about acknowledging that there's something profound in your love for each other and that it could possibly last a long time. Making time to nurture your relationship even if it's not always a convenient should be a priority. And if your relationship runs into a snag, you would put aside time and energy into really trying to fix things rather than taking the easy route of letting it go. It's about being able to look the other person in the eye and say to each other, "You are a heck of a lot more than just a friend to me." If she just views you as somebody she still wants to have fun with, but not be in a relationship with than you need to know that. Because that's not what she means to you. And if the commitment is uneven in those regards, then it's only a matter of time before you end up getting hurt. As painful as it is, if that's the case, it's better for you to end things now on your terms. Otherwise, it's only a matter of time before it ends on her terms and then things would only be worse for you.

[lamobatsman]

great post vertical moon. its wat teh title represents. also if a girl really liked you she would never say this ""Why does the title even matter if everything is fine regardless?"" she would be happy to be your gf and bf cos it means that you're taken and not gonna be seeing anyone else.