Am I just too needy??

[PeaceNLove08]

I have been dating a guy for a year now and we get along great, have many things in common, enjoy great sex and have talked seriously about future plans together. I love the guy, no doubt but we have an issue. I don't feel very important on his priority list. I tell him that I feel like I get "fit in" when there is nothing else going on (and there is always something going on) and I want to feel like I am more of a priority in his life.

He is not an emotional kind of guy...doesn't offer many words to affirm and figures that I should just know how he feels because he is still here. I tell him that occasionally I want to hear why I am important to him, how I make a difference in his life and that his inability to voice his emotional feelings leaves me feeling insecure with our relationship. That only makes him feel pressured and he pushes away and therefore offers less of the very thing I am asking for from him. He says I am emotionally needy. I think I am normal and he is the one who has some kind of a hang up.

He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I would just like him to be able to tell me why. I trust that he is not seeing anyone else but I don't trust that he is really there for me and what I need. His kids come first (which is admirable and attractive) but when he has them...he says he feels like he can't have me there as well or he will be taking away from his time with them...so we can't do things together on the weekends he has them. On the weekends he doesn't have them, there is golf, football games, other family members, time to himself and of course work...lots of work.

I moved half-way across the state (as a joint decision) so that we could have more time together. Yet if we see one another alone more than once a week it's amazing. I think he is perfectly fine alone and although I think that is a good attribute...I don't think it fares well in a relationship.

My question is...am I just too needy here or do you think there might be more to this story and maybe he just doesn't feel for me what I feel for him?

[Love Portion #9]

Sweetheart, if he is not lazy, cheating, abusing drugs or you...let him be! Accept and love him for the man he is showing you...the one you fell in love with. Simple, just enjoy your MAN every chance you get. Don't push him away.

[Trista22]

exactlly!!!! ^^^

[Trista22]

Im in a relationship now with the exact same guy for 3 years+ hes an aries lol (besides when we broke up to date, IE: MY last post in the other forum) let him be, he loves you!

[Trista22]

opps, are only males suppose to answer in here? lol

[23mako]

Nothing worse than a needy girlfriend. His friends will start getting aggravated and you will be out of there. Just have fun and hang out with him whenever you can. If you can't handle that, find a guy with no life.

[shh!]

Aww, jeez. I feel sorry for the guy.

News flash: you aren't dating a girl. Guys are notorious for being less expressive than females. Don't judge him by the words he uses (or doesn't use), but rather by the way he *treats* you. Nagging him will NOT make him feel more warm and cozy towards you.

[PeaceNLove08]

I try to just accept him because he is a very good man. Yet sometimes I feel like I am settling for less than I really want. I want to feel loved, adored and treasured...because I am worth that. I do all I can to make sure he feels that from me as well. I agree, there are few really good men out there so maybe I should just be grateful for the time he can "squeeze me in".

[PeaceNLove08]

It doesn't bother me who answers in here (male of female) just so they use their brain. Thanks for your comment and I think he loves me..just don't know if it's enough. Lots of good love dies because there is not enough feeding going on. I just don't want that to be us and don't know any other way to communicate what I want or need than to just ask for it.

[PeaceNLove08]

Aww, jeez. I feel sorry for the guy.

News flash: you aren't dating a girl. Guys are notorious for being less expressive than females. Don't judge him by the words he uses (or doesn't use), but rather by the way he *treats* you. Nagging him will NOT make him feel more warm and cozy towards you.

So it's nagging to ask for what you want? Is that what I hear you saying? Is it nagging to feel like you aren't a priority when you make plans for his birthday (which he told me to feel free to do) but then (after I bought tickets to the football game for us as a surprise) he tells me his brother bought him tickets so we have to change our plans...so he doesn't hurt his brother's feelings. I didn't even tell him I had tickets after that. Is it nagging to tell someone you don't understand why they can't fit you in (somewhere in the space of a whole weeks time) before they leave town for two weeks on business...but he can fit in a couple rounds of golf? Just making sure I understand what you say is nagging here.

[shh!]

Don't nag me. If you aren't happy with him AS IS, then get rid of him and find someone who is more to your liking.

[PeaceNLove08]

Nothing worse than a needy girlfriend. His friends will start getting aggravated and you will be out of there. Just have fun and hang out with him whenever you can. If you can't handle that, find a guy with no life.

I have never asked him not to go to anything with his friends or got angry with him for going. I just feel like I get the last consideration. I am where he comes if there is nothing else going on. I moved here because he asked me to. He is my best friend...well my only friend here. I want him to have a life but lots of things we could do together. I am an avid football fan, love fishing and golfing...that's what he said in the beginning he liked so much about me. So what exactly do you think I've done that says I am needy. I really am trying to understand this because I can't stand needy guys. I don't smother him (I only see him 2 times a week) or question him, I just try to ask for what I want and need and yes I do get upset when I get pushed aside after we have made plans...but I don't know a woman alive who wouldn't.

[PeaceNLove08]

Don't nag me. If you aren't happy with him AS IS, then get rid of him and find someone who is more to your liking.

Thank you for clarifying "nagging" for me. I was really looking for you to explain your comment about how you felt sorry for him...with me nagging him and all. Don't think I have nagged...nor do I want to. Whatever I feel about that comment, you are right in the statement that I either have to take him as he ISs or walk away.

[shh!]

Nagging is a merely way for the underdog to try to gain power they don't have, and yes, you sound like you are nagging.

He might very well be an inconsiderate, crappy boyfriend (and as you describe him, that's the way it sounds), but you aren't going to get what you want from him. instead of trying to force him to fit into the box you have in mind, it would be smarter (and probably easier) to find a guy who fits the box. That would also allow you to avoid becoming a nag.

[Trista22]

hun, you have a great guy, everything you said earlier is how I feel. He less emotional, but there are other guys who are exactlly like us. But if you love him, let him love you We are very lucky, theres not alot of guys out there like that.