Starting to Get Serious

[daddyo5423]

I am begining to get serious with a women i have been dating for 4 months. At this point we spend almost everyday together, we are planning vacations, loving on one another, enjoying each others company, and have completley fallen for one another. She and I both think we are each others soul mates. Our lives fit like hand and glove. there is really not much that doesnt work well for us.

However there are some concerns I have. I was married for 14 years, I left last november, I made the decision to leave and my relationship had really been over for years. I know for a fact I am in no way emotional attached to my ex.

The girl that I am currently dating layed out a story that went something like this, she was married to her kids dad (her highschool sweetheart for 6 years) divorced him (he cheated) and meet Guy #2 some 6 months later and they were together 7 years. She told me in June when we had met that they had been over for about a year. She also told me that he had a daughther that she practically raised that she hadnt seen since, that they got married in vegas and decided immediatly it was a mistake and annuled it before they even left, she told me that she had been living with a friend of hers and was going to be moving soon.

fast forward to august through a series of events (namely people around her that i was meeting letting things slip out and facebook) I learned that she wasnt very forward with her story. I learned that she was staying in the house that they co-habitated (he was supposedly not residing there during this time and the friend moved in to help her with bills), that his daughter was living with her in that house until august, that her annulment was never filed (she says she has paperwork that it was), and looking through facebook post it is easy to see that her relationship ended most likely around late april - early may.

Now I have made peace with most of this, I realize her motivation was to put distance between the begining of us and the end of them, The one thing that I still struggle with is that her relationship possibly ended only 6 to 8 weeks before ours began (she insist that they knew they were ending before last thanksgiving), by her account it was him that wanted out, but she says that somewhere in that a "switch flipped" and she was done. I just wonder if It did end only 6 to 8 weeks before me, if she could truly be over him.

I DO NOT doubt this girl has serious affections for me. but i do wonder if she can be ready for a serious relationship already, I mean she did just move out of a home they shared for 5 years 2 1/2 months ago. Things are going well, but I am not trying to be a rebound either for a girl who has emotional baggage she has yet to deal with.

When I tell her my concerns, she insist that there is nothing there, not even hate. She doesnt talk to him and wants nothing to do with him.

any feedback is appreciated

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't initiate furthering the relationship. For now, just treat it as sex only, and keep pursuing other women for a relationship. It's a lot easier to find a girl when you're already getting laid, so use that to your advantage. Who knows, maybe the girl you're seeing will come around, but if she doesn't, you won't be that attached to her and it will hurt a lot less if at all.

[daddyo5423]

I hear you, but I don't do things like that. I am a one women type of guy. I had quite a few girls lined up, but when I found this one ditched them all. So I guess I am wondering if this girl could really be ready for something serious

[daddyo5423]

Part of my issue in all this is that I don't do well, with half truths and shades of grey. I need objectivity. And it is not like her half truths for the most part are even all that relevant to our relationship. It seems like she is always to portray herself as having it all together. Well I really don't need her too, I need complete honesty, I need to not feel like I am being sheltered from her reality. She just needs to be honest with me and herself.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You can be a one woman man, but right now she's not your woman. The first thing you said in your first post was, " I am starting to get serious". That implies that she is not serious, and your description of her actions also says that she is not serious. You can be a one woman man, but you should at least date around until there is one woman that you are serious about and she is serious about you.

Don't take my advice, but as I told LoneWolfie, please come back and update when she's shitting on you.

[daddyo5423]

Yeah, perhaps I am not painting the situation clear enough. We both are getting serious. She actually has been worried that I am not ready for LTR. She has asked me to be exclusive, we are very public with our relationship. There is no doubt she is committed to me. My hesitation is to the potential that she is not ready given the background I layed out above.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Take her at word then, and jump into this relationship head first. Don't know what else to tell you, other than, you're going to just have to take the risk. No sense in doing it half assed.