Ladies i really need some advice......please help.

[imthedjone]

Ok im new to the site but i really need the advice and opinion of a woman. Please bear with me its pretty long.

Ok so its been about two months since me and my ex have been broken up. we date for about five years. we started when she was 16 and I was 20.

You know the first three and a half years were amazing i guess you can say we were kinda on the "hunny moon" phase of the relationship. Ive dated prior girls before her and I never really cared about them the way I did for her. I treated her like a queen, everything she ever wanted I gave to her. Every action, every move I made in my life was based on her because I felt that this was the one for me. She also felt the same way and she as well showed it through her actions.

There were some trust issues and she addressed them to me. I was cheated on in the past and it kinda still haunted me and I didnt want to get hurt again. The one thing she didnt understand is that I trusted her, but not the people around her ie. certain friends and other guys. You know there also sometimes we argued, but hey what coupld doesnt argue from time to time. The one thing I noticed though was that after the "hunnymoon phase" which was after 3 and a half years she started to pick fights with me.

She was not really good at communicating her feelings, so I would approach her about it. I would ask you know if there is something bothering you let me know. She would just brush it off like it was nothing. But she would just keep pushing me away with all the arugments and constant bickering. There was time during this that I wanted to break up with her, but i didnt because i cared for her and thought things would change, so I stuck around.

she was about 20 during this time and i was dreading her turning 21. All my other friends experience their ex-gf leaving them when they turned 21, but I pushed that out of my mind because I thought she was different. Also during this time my grandfather died, and instead of you know being there for me she was kinda not understanding. It was the first time i should her that side of me and I dont think she could handle it, which was really bogus. Also during the griving period of my grandfathers death which was into our fourth year together, she said that she need some experience, which at that point I really didnt care because i was dealing with something more important.

A few months past and she brought it up again. So this time we talked about it. I asked her what do you mean by that. She was like i just need experiences, but she then also said I want to go out but i wont go out without you. She was refering to her turning 21. once she said that it was a sigh of relief, so i thought.

About seventeen days before her birthday, she brought it up again, but this time she was like I need experiences without you. I was so shocked I didnt really know how to respond. Then we got a got into a big arguement and I said a few things out of anger, so I told her lets cool off and take the night off. So she went home, but she called me later like nothing ever happened, and asked me to come over. It was akward being at her house so I told her after a couple hours, im tired and i just want to go home.

We broke up the day after. I called her to talk the next day. Not to drag the story out longer, she pushed my buttons like she new she could backed me into a corner and I walked away. She asked me what about us, and in anger I said there is no us and left. I got home and I realized that you know I could have handled it better. So i called her and apologized and u know cuz I loved her i told her that we can try to work this out. She said no I commiting to this breakup.

I didnt hear from her for about a few days. When i did she told me that she doesnt think i can change and that she didnt want us together anymore. But she also asked me to wait for her, I was like what does that mean? she was like I want you to wait, but if the other person doesnt feel like they can wait anymore we have to be up fron with each other.

So i said ok ill wait. I sent her an email a week later, just to let her know that you know im waiting and that im doing ok and just wishing her the best and to she if she was doing ok, no response. I went away for a week with mutal friends to a lake house. she texts a friend of mine while we were there to tell me to move on, which was bogus.

So I send her another email, kinda like a closure email, at least so I thought. I expected her to respond because she was ultimatley done and I thought she would be mature and at least explain what happened, I got nothing. So her birthday was the next week. I decided that you know ill text her happy bday. So i did, but during this week i had time to mull over the email I sent her and realized that thats not what i really meant. So i sent her an email saying that you know You might be confused and im hear for you if you need im and i said ill wait so that what im going, along with the happy bday, I got nothing.

So right there I decided to stop contact with her. I havent tried talked to her in a little over a month now. I have slipped up and talked to some mutal friends about her while i was kinda drunk at the bar with my friends, but other than that i refuse to contact her again.

So what now should I continue just moving on and forget about her they way that im trying? Everyday she doesnt contat me makes me believe and accept that we will never be back together again. The funny thing is that I still love this girl, and its getting annoying wasting all that energy and love for someone that isnt showing it back.

Now a question to some of the girls out there. When you turned 21 and decieded to part way and want freedom did you ever regret it? I mean my ex just walked away in two weeks and claimed to hve no more feelings or anything towards me. thats crazy to me cuz how do you forget five years in two weeks, thats impossible.

So what should I do I really need advice. For the first time in my life i find a girl that is worth fighting for. I want to fight for her but there is no contact between us. So i just call it quits?

[lilac]

Listen, I can tell you right now that she's in the process of trying new things. She's young when she met you and now she feel like if she's with you, she won't be able to experience her single life before its over, before she gets old. She want to experience other guys. It is as simple as that.

She didn't just fall out of love with you just like that, it has been for a while. She's not regretting it right now because she's having fun, in a few years if she's alone may be she'll feel regret then but if she's with someone she won't. You'll be stupid to wait for her and fight for her. You deserve the right person.

And please, DO NOT say to me that "All my other friends experience their ex-gf leaving them when they turned 21" EVERY GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT. I'm 22, I've been with my man for a few years, and yes I love him dearly when I turned 21 and 22.

You need to move on, love come to you when you are not expected....

[CocoChanel]

Yep, it's clear that she just wants to be free without a conscience. It's best that you move on and do the same. Lilac is right. I didn't have to urge to be free. My last relationship we had been together since I was 19. I am 24 now and we just broke up a week ago maybe? LOL! But my point is... I didn't have that urge. I went out to a club every now and then, I had my drinks, went to parties... none of that required being SINGLE. What your girl wants to do... is exactly what LILAC said... she wants to experience with other guys.

[imthedjone]

ok then i should just call it quits then? i havent heard from her in over a month now. I mean thats it, i finally find someone worth fighting for and i just have to let go? did she really just forget five years in a matter of two months?

[carl1222]

Not a girl. There have been LOTS of threads on this very topic. The way it seems to go is that when a girl (for some reason, it's almost always the girl) has been with the same guy since her early-mid teens, she starts wondering (usually in her early 20s) if the grass is greener on the other side.

The bad news is that she will need to get it out of her system. The good news is she will discover that there are FAR more frogs than princes out there, so if you've been a good boyfriend over the years, there's a fair chance she will come back to you eventually.

Carl.

[lilac]

Carl has his point, however do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who left you once before for some early 20s life crisis?? Do you want to marry to a women like that and never know when she'll hit her 30s or 40s crisis??

And imthedjone, she didn't just forget about you in two months, she will always remember who you are and what you did for her. But she doesn't want to be with you right now. She wants something new and exciting and you can't give that to her even if you were to buy the whole world for her it still not enough. Her urge to be free didn't just happen over night, it has been for a while and she couldn't contain herself. And when she has all the fun that she needed and realized that you are probably the best person for her, you'll be stupid to get back together. Think, if she is doing this to you know, what if she'll do it agian after you guys being together for 10 or 20 or 30 years? Do you really want this kind of drama when you have children????

There are so many women out there who are crazy about finding the right guy, yours isn't here yet. And if you keep playing this game that she put you in, you'll never find the right person. Do youself a favour and move on.....it will hurt but you'll laugh at it in a few years...

[mupsik86]

lilac I'm so with you on that!!! wise words " do yourself a favor" and move on!!!!!!...there are plany of fish in the sea, just keep your eyes open..time will do his job

[imthedjone]

so there is no hope then for me in this situation?

[insecure]

I think, for the moment, you need to try and work on yourself and keep busy and occupied with other things. She may, or may not, contact you again. I think, for now, try and move on.

[imthedjone]

what do you think the chances are that she will contact me?

[lilac]

when she`ll contact you? hm....probably when she feel bored and lonely......Listen, stop killing yourself over this one person.....I know its hard to move on because you love her and you still have feelings for her but you can`t keep doing this to yourself. Its not healthy for you and eventually she`ll think you are a stocker and never want to talk to you agian. THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD WOMEN OUT THERE.......

[imthedjone]

when she`ll contact you? hm....probably when she feel bored and lonely......Listen, stop killing yourself over this one person.....I know its hard to move on because you love her and you still have feelings for her but you can`t keep doing this to yourself. Its not healthy for you and eventually she`ll think you are a stocker and never want to talk to you agian. THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD WOMEN OUT THERE.......

how am i a stalker i havent talked to her, i left her alone, i gave her her space. all im asking from her is some closure. i mean i deserve that at least after all these years and she wont even give it to me.

[lilac]

I know you deserve your closure and it is only fair to you. But from what you told me, she won't do that, well not upfront about it. She did gave her closure. Her not calling back, not answering emails, completely cut you out of her life is her closure. She didn't seem to have a lot of experience and to my understanding, she probably never had a break up before. This is why she doesn't seem to understand how much she can hurt you like this.


The reason why I said you don't want to look like a stalker because to you and to us you are not, however to her its a different story. She can thinks that your actions by just emails or calling her is away of stocking her.

[imthedjone]

I know you deserve your closure and it is only fair to you. But from what you told me, she won't do that, well not upfront about it. She did gave her closure. Her not calling back, not answering emails, completely cut you out of her life is her closure. She didn't seem to have a lot of experience and to my understanding, she probably never had a break up before. This is why she doesn't seem to understand how much she can hurt you like this.


The reason why I said you don't want to look like a stalker because to you and to us you are not, however to her its a different story. She can thinks that your actions by just emails or calling her is away of stocking her.

ok then so what should i do? this whole time i only contacted her three times. i want to show her i still care. also when someone says they need experiences, that usually means to sleep with other people correct?

[lilac]

also when someone says they need experiences, that usually means to sleep with other people correct?

Yes!! that is what it mean.....

I'm not sure if by showing to her that you care about her will help you in anyway. Do you want to get back with her???? Do you think she is the one that you want to spend your life with???