Wanting Her Back - Any Advice?

[Criss]

I'm going to try to be as brief as possible so no one gets bored. I'd just like some advice on this. I'm really confused.

This girl, Jennifer, and I used to date several years ago. It was kind of a case of "first love" syndrome. We ended up fighting a lot about stupid things, and I decided that we needed a break. About three or four years later, we start talking again. We talked for about a month before we decided to get back together. Before the hook-up, I remember thinking how strange it was that we had even dated in the past because I couldn't see her that way anymore. I couldn't remember what had drawn us together back then. But when the question to get back together came up, I wasn't with anyone else at the time and hadn't been in a relationship in a while. I guess you could say I was lonely and decided to settle.

However, I didn't JUST get into that relationship to cure loneliness. I had thought that maybe a wellspring of old feelings would surface again. I thought that I would remember what it was I had loved about her and we'd come together again like old times, only this time we'd be able to treat each other better since we were both more mature now. That never happened, despite how long I waited and how often I sat awake at night thinking things over.

Through the course of the short-lived relationship, I remember feeling nothing. Well, not literally nothing. We made great friends and I cared about her in that way, but it wasn't romantic. It always felt strange to me when we told each other we loved one another. It felt like a blatant lie and just empty and meaningless. I also had this problem of projecting my feelings, I guess; I started to assume that SHE didn't feel anything either. And I guess my distrust kind of got to her (since we DID talk about it). After a while, she broke up with me. I wasn't very upset. We decided to stay friends.

Well, just the other night, she called and I heard her voice for the first time in a couple of weeks. And, I don't know, I just really missed her; I felt so many things that I had been wanting to feel when we got back together again. I didn't say anything about it since I doubted she'd want to hear them. I didn't want explain it and then end up asking for her back only to have her say no. I'm not sure how I'd handle it. But it's been a very up and down relationship between her and me. I feel like I appreciate her too late now. We haven't talked much since the phone call but I think about her all the time. I want to be close to her again because I feel like I can be. It had been a while since I was in a relationship and I think I may have had a wall up between me and her. And I don't know if this is right. It's kind of bizarre.

Any advice? What do I do? What do I say?

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like you're not quite sure of what you want......although you think you do. You're lonely and she's convenient to you. Thats the attraction I see from you to her anyway. The whole back and fourth thing is no good though. It's just going to lead to her resenting you for toying with her emotions, and who could blame her? You need to take a good long look at yourself and what it is that you want in a significant other. Just because she may have been your first love or you dated previously does not necessarily increase the chances of a relationship working out between the two of you. Often people separate for good reason, and time has a way of changing people Odds are, if it didn't work out the first time, it wont work out the second go around.

[sweetkissesforu]

could you use a bigger font please