Issues with my boyfriend....

[mariposabella]

My boyfriend and I are in our mid twenties and have been dating for almost 6 months. He told me he loved me a few weeks ago and starting feeling that way for about a month. We see each other on weekends because we live about an hour and a half away from each other in different cities. We see each other almost every weekend.
So the weekend before the weekend that just passed I asked my boyfriend if he could come to visit me this time because the last two times I came to see him. So he said sure yeah. So then this past friday I told him what time he should come to see me. Then Saturday morning I get text from him saying how he wants the weekend to himself and he isnt going to come and see me. That for once he wants to do something for himself that we cant always do what I want or what makes me happy. That he was sick earlier during the week and had to work the rest of the week and how he went to see his parents the day before and that he was exhausted. That our relationship isnt about me and that if I didnt like it then I could leave and dump him. He said he knows Im pissed that hes not coming and that he never tells me no to anything. How he never gets to do what he wants.

I dont know why he said all of that. He just started attacking me for no reason. I was disappointed that he wasnt coming. I was mad for the fact he didnt call me he sent me a text message. I even called him and it went to voice mail. He kept texting me. I was also mad he told me at the last minute and that I spent money on groceries for us and he wasnt even coming.
So then I ask him if he really thinks Im selfish and he said no, but that he hopes that I realize what an understanding and caring guy he is. Then he complained about money he spent on tickets for a football game that he invited me to.

Then I realized that since we have been together that is the third time that he has agreed to see me and then that same day he will text me and tell me he isnt coming. I always have the feeling that he knew at least the day before that he really wasnt coming to see me. I told him the other time when he flaked out on me to let me know in advance that he wasnt coming to see me and that I understand if he needs time to himself.

Then the other thing he is bipolar and he has anxiety/depression he takes Seroquel and Lexaprol for those things. Most of the time he is this amazing sweet and caring guy. Then other times he is this completely different person that I dont know.

If a guy really loves me and cares about me wouldnt he come see me no matter what? Whenever I say Im going to see him I always show up. I thought I was in love with him, but now Im having second thoughts? What should I do?

[ConniptionFit]

It's difficult enough to be in a relationship with someone who is bipolar. It's almost impossible to do that with someone who doesn't have the communication skills to bring up issues before they have become a big deal in his head.

Tell him he needs to start talking to you about issues that are bothering him sooner and in a less confrontational way. If he doesn't do that (which he probably won't) get out of the relationship with him.

[devonbrown]

The only thing you can do is talk to him. I will say this, that if he is bipolar, that could explain a lot of this. The medication is good and will help him manage it, but it is not a cure. And sometimes those mood swings do wind up causing major problems in relationships.

The other thing to think about is this - he didn't just start attacking you like that out of the blue. Those are obviously things he has been thinking, but he hasn't been sharing them with you. Talk to him about them. Ask him why he feels this way. He may simply be a very high-maintenance person and you may not want to deal with that. Or maybe there are some things you are doing that he sees differently but you don't even know about.

If you two can talk things through and maintain a high level of open and honest communication, then you may be able to get through stretches like this.

Good luck.

[mariposabella]

Thank you Devon and Conniptionfit. I do want to talk to him, but I dont want him flipping out on me.

[Wakeup]

I have a feeling your relationship has lasted as long as it has simply because you only have to be around each other on weekends. If you were in a position to see each other regularily, both of you would soon get sick of one another and each other's quirks and ideas and inability to be flexible.

You are having trouble already and if you do the math and add up the times you've actually been in one anothers lives it's only 1/4 of the actual time you consider yourself to be in a relationship with this man. You are seriously still in the honeymoon period of your relationship where you should both be wanting to please one another and strive to compromise when things can't be 100% mutually agreed upon. I think his behaviour is a red flag that you shouldn't ignore. You need to make a rule that one weekend you go to his and the next he goes to yours and if he can't agree to the compromise and stick to the agreement you should heed the red flag and call your relationship as having run it's course.

He's got a psychological disorder where (IMO) he needs to have to undo extra stress or anxiety and set rules and relationship boundaries should be in place in order to avoid confusion and power struggles. If he can't adhere to the rules then you know you need to distance yourself from a relationship with him.

I do want to talk to him, but I dont want him flipping out on me.

If he would do that over you trying to make things less complicated and happy then there's another good reason why this relationship will never last the test of time.

[ConniptionFit]

Thank you Devon and Conniptionfit. I do want to talk to him, but I dont want him flipping out on me.

What is it that makes you think he will flip out on you?