Hey!
I am currently in a situation which is driving me insane and my feelings are a mess to the point where I cannot tell what i'm truly feeling half the time.
I am dating a guy since August (7 months) and he is the greatest person ... we have some truly awesome memories together and he is the first and so far only person in my life who's always been there for me no matter what. So what is the problem? Well.. I am bored as hell. There has never really been any kind of spark or very strong attraction between us from MY side at least. We have not taken things to the next step meaning we have not slept together... But I know for a fact that I am very important to him as well and his feelings are definietely much more intense than mine and he's always so happy but lately i've just been very cranky and irritated and that feels very unfair to him. At the same time I still have feelings for him.. I cried to myself just last night at the thought of leaving him, breaking his heart and when I remembered all of our good times together. Maybe we should just be friends but i'm not sure because my feelings for him go very up and down and even if he'd be okay with just being friends he'd still be heartbroken and I can't take that! It has already been this way now for 3 months....
A while ago I was approached by an extremely attractive man asking for my phone number and I recognized him because me and my boyfriend was at an event about 4 months ago (I am very good at remembering faces) where this guy was and he flirted with me then already although my boyfriend was right there.. he was very lowkey about it though, talking to us both, making jokes and looking at me a lot. I didn't pay much attention to him then though because I just found the whole situation very uncomfortable for me.
I did NOT give out my number as I was so stunned and also because I do not give my number to strangers. I changed my mind very quickly though and found him on social media, added him and we have spoke a little.
I am now very conflicted over what to do, this guy whom I don't even know is exactly the type of guy I usually get REALLY attracted to while my current partner (no matter how mean this sounds it's still true) is physically the exact opposite of what I am get attracted to when it comes to physical appearance and I hate to see myself as shallow but I can't help what I am attracted to... he's not completely my type personality-wise either, he's too much like myself lol. But i'm sure I do love him.. and I can't exactly leave him anyway just so I can see if there could be something between me and this other guy, I don't want to do anything behind his back either because i'd hate myself so much... I already do.
Plus I was in an almost identical situation 3 years back, I was in a relationship and this really attractive, kind of popular guy started showing obvious interest in me and we chatted for a couple of months while I stayed in my relationship but had an insane crush on the other guy, eventually he was also in a relationship, then they broke up and him and I went out as friends once and then he confessed his emotions for me and I left my partner right away, not a doubt in hell but then it just turned out that that guy was a complete asshole who just ended up f*king me over so badly I was on the bottom for quite long afterwards... So when it comes to those REALLY attractive guys my trust is pretty much non-existent and I don't want to do the exact same mistake again and also I don't want to risk letting go of someone who could be an amazing person and a total catch, and at the same time I still love my boyfriend when I really think about it...
I know what you're all gonna say now, that if I really loved him I would not go end up getting interested in someone else and that I am a horrible girlfriend but spare me those comments because I already know that, I have always felt that my boyfriend is so good to me and how could I ever even repay him?
If I didn't have any romantic feelings at all for him left this would not even be an issue... I would leave him easily. I just want like an epic relationship, y'know? I've never had that can't-live-without-each-other-relationship.. that is most likely what I am still lowkey searching for, at the same time it is hard to let go off someone who has become so important to you.