Relationship over after 3 1/2 years and am desperate

[lostabroad]

Hi all,

So my guy and I have a pretty complicated story. We met over 3 years ago while I was teaching English in Spain and fell in love right away. He is the first person I've ever been in love with. Everything happened very quickly, I went back to the states (just for 3 months to finish college) and him came to visit me. We were crazy about each other. Unfortunately during the time that he was visiting, his mom passed away back in Spain. I came back to Spain to be with him one month after this and we moved in together. Of course he was very depressed about this situation, but honestly living together was great, we were very much in love. After almost a year I decided to go back to the States to try and find a job. He came with me for 5 months. When I couldn't find a job I went back to Spain with him again. We've always lived together and were only apart 1 or 2 months here and there. Finally, after having lived in Spain a 2nd year, we both decided it was time for us to move back to the States, he wanted to be there as well. I found a job finally that started in September. He was so excited and we decided that he would come in October, we would get married and then stay there. With some very bad luck, he got denied entry at the border and never made it to be with me. It was the worst time of both our lives. I wanted to quit by job and go back to him and get married in Europe, but we both decided that it would be better for me to stay in the States and apply for a visa for him to come which was supposed to take no more than 6 months. Basically, after being seperated one whole year and only seeing each other once during that year, we decided to forget the visa which was taking so long and I had my job transfer me to Spain. He moved to Madrid for me because that is where my job transfered me. He got there about a month before me, got us an apartment, furniture, everything. When I arrived, it was different. We weren't as crazy in love as before. We both just thought we need some time becuase its normal after being apart that long. Then, after only having lived together 1 week, he decided he can't do it anymore and told me to find my own place. After only 1 week!! He wasn't willing to try and the only excuse he gave was that he can't make me happy becuase he can't make himself happy right now. He also told me he doesn't love me anymore, and that that kills him. I asked him if I should wait for him and he says he doesn't know.

It's been about 2 weeks now and I'm heart broken. I have told him multiple times that we should try it out again, give it another chance, and he doesn't want to. I think he is depressed becuase every time we see each other he cries and pushes me away, yet he always agrees to see me. He tells me that right now he can't make anyone happy and that this is better for me.

Is there anything I can possibly do to get him back? Do I just need to give him space? Or can we still see each other as friends? I know I can't beg him to take me back anymore and this only pushes him further away, but I do want him back and if there is even a tiny possiblity that it might happen, I want to try. I've asked him if he ever thinks he can love me again and he just says he doesn't know.

I am fully aware that getting an ex back is practically impossible, but I'm an idealist and hope that maybe this time it could work.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

[Andariel]

If he said he doesn't love you anymore then no, I don't think there is any chance you'll get back together. He might give it another try because he feels guilty about you moving all the way to Spain to be with him but eventually it is not going to work out because he won't be doing it because he actually wants to be with you.

When someone says I don't love you anymore that is a pretty clear sign the relationship is over. You can't be friends with him because you still have feelings for him. Also, the more you push him to give you another chance the more you will be pushing him away and in the end he will start resenting you for insisting so much.

The reality of the situation is that he doesn't want to be with you anymore but is probably feeling guilty about it and maybe he is feeling sorry for you and that is why he said he doesn't know if there is a chance of getting back to you.

I am sorry,hun, I know this is really painful as you have invested so much in this relationship but you need to be realistic: this is over and you need to cut off all contact with him and move on.