How to spill these skeletons to a man... PLEASE HELP!

[Lulu]

I have had a long distance relationship/friendship for a year and a half. He is suddenly wanting to meet my family and daughter; getting serious.

Problem is:

He knows I broke up with the father of my child due to his substance abuse problems but he doesn't know that my daughter and her father are now estranged and have been for a year because his substance abuse has escalated.

Also, my family is crazy and inappropriate. My dad has schizophrenia and says inappropriate things, my mom is mean and inappropriate and they both smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. My sisters are both alcoholics (which he does know) but I am afraid if he meets everyone he will really be taken back!

He wants to come here to help me move apartments in a few weeks and I have said "no" that I can do it on my own- that I want him to come after to relax and have fun. He says he wants to help and he said, "I think you want to hide me from the people in your life". Truth is- I want to hide them from him!!!

A few friends are saying to tell him EVERYTHING- including about my ex. I just don't know if I should or how to put it out there...

PLEASE HELP!

[Wakeup]

How about you tell him exactly what you just said ^^^^ there? You can't hide them forever and if he's going to be taken aback by their issues then he has the right to know now before he gets any further involved with you. Hiding them is a red flag and he's sensing the angst of that red flag right now.. the proof is in him saying he thinks you are hiding him.

Get it out in the open and trust that he won't hold them agains you.

[Lulu]

I know but will he like me less? Will it scare him away???

[Wakeup]

If he does end up to "like you less" or they scare him away then don't you think you should find that out now rather than later when you've invested in him and this 'relationship' even more than you have right now? You risk the chance of scaring him away with your secrecy and insecurity just as much as anything.

[CAM]

You can tell him about the family; but then I'd elope with him and never go home...start your own life. That's just my thought.

[Lulu]

That is EXACTLY what I want! Ha!

[Alexis]

IF your relationship is to continue and grow he will eventually know them all so the best action would be to let it happen in a controlled situation and that is something you do have control over small doses of crazies is much better then a house full of it... simply and slowly ease him into your life as it pertains to your family and that is my two cents

[dem862]

Shame takes a lot of energy. You are not your family. If you don't like them, avoid them, but you need to be open and honest with the important people in your life so that they know the real you.

[asdfg789]

question is: do you have any of the problems that your family has ? otherwise, it is better to be open about it

[surfhb]

This is a perfect opportunity to tell if the guy really likes you.

[Lulu]

Well- I told him about the ex last night and he was as sweet as ever! Now I just need to work up to telling him about my mom and dad and all will be well. NO- I don't have the problems that they do. I love them but it isn't at all how I am so it would throw someone off for sure.