Just what the hell is she thinking?!

[casco]

Hi All,

I'll explain..

There is a girl who I fancied like mad at work for about a year and a half, however I just could not find the courage to chat her up, plus I didn't really want to get involved at work, plus she is only 18, and I am 29, and I kind of knew that the age difference may be frowned upon as I work in a corporate environment.

She left a few weeks back, so i managed to get her email address from someone, and got in touch.

We met for a drink, and it turns out the chemistry i felt was not imaginary, she had liked me all the time as well, and even had a nick name for me amoungst her friends (the guy with the nice eyes apparantly!)

She told me she had a BF, and wanted to finish with him as they were not getting on. He works at my company too which complicates things, although we dont know each other. Any how I told her I didnt want to get involved with her, unless she was single - and the next day she text me telling me she had dumped her BF and wanted to meet again. She said clearly that she no longer fancied him.

We had dinner round mine, things got a little bit romantic in the bedroom, and to be fair, I pushed my luck a bit too far, and she wanted to slow things down a bit. She came over again a couple of nights later and it was exactly the same situation.

She tells me she really likes me, and has done for ages.

Her ex-BF had subsequently been chasing hard for a patch up, and i told her I didnt want to get too involved until he was off the scene, but she insisted she was over him, that we'd be fine and that she wanted to continue seeing me.

The next day she texts saying she just wants to be friends and needs time to herself, and that she doesnt want to rush into a relationship.

SO - am i out of order for:-

* expecting a bit too much too soon and maybe being a bit insensitive / selfish about her feelings after her break up

or is she out of order for:-

* meeting me behind her BFs back
* telling me how great she thinks I am, texing loads telling me i'm fab, telling me things will work out and that she's over her ex, then suddenly ditching me via text?

To be clear - she initially text me saying she just wanted to be friends, and after a few exhanges where I was trying to get her to meet me to chat about it, and telling her I was sure we could make a decent go of it, especially as we'd liked each other for so long, she then said "one day" we may be an item, but the timing wasnt right for her.

I'm not sure what to do now - in the end i told her i respected her decision, and that i'd leave her in peace to sort her head out - do I just forget about her and wait til she contacts me, or is it curtains?

Why would she do this do you think?

[Justsomeone22]

She sounds very confused...I had a similar experience with a co worker as of late. She has been dating a fellow co worker for a while now and they seemed to not be getting along. She's 21 he's 32 not that it's really that relevant but basically I'm trying to say I think it's honestly just the level of maturity in the woman your dealing with. I'm 23 but I'd say I'm a little more mature than I should be. Needless to say the situation went down very similar to yours until I decided that even as her being my friend...she should have never strung it along. I feel the same for you friend...don't be readily available and don't let her string you along and keep you on the back burner for when things fail with her and her BF/ex-BF...because apparently eventually things will fail and you don't want to be the guy she strung along to help her pick up the pieces. Play the field a little maybe even let it be known your seeing other women...after all she is still involved with him in some way...I can promise you that. Enjoy yourself and give her that space and time and maybe even blow her off a little..after a week or two of that she'll be all over your business. At least thats how my experience went..of course I'm still blowing her off and taking another woman to our company xmas party...so just keep an open mind and don't read into it too much. Enjoy whatever it is she offers you in the long haul and eventually she's going to indicate verbally or sexually when the time is right to proceed. I hope this helps and goodluck!

[casco]

She sounds very confused...I had a similar experience with a co worker as of late. She has been dating a fellow co worker for a while now and they seemed to not be getting along. She's 21 he's 32 not that it's really that relevant but basically I'm trying to say I think it's honestly just the level of maturity in the woman your dealing with. I'm 23 but I'd say I'm a little more mature than I should be. Needless to say the situation went down very similar to yours until I decided that even as her being my friend...she should have never strung it along. I feel the same for you friend...don't be readily available and don't let her string you along and keep you on the back burner for when things fail with her and her BF/ex-BF...because apparently eventually things will fail and you don't want to be the guy she strung along to help her pick up the pieces. Play the field a little maybe even let it be known your seeing other women...after all she is still involved with him in some way...I can promise you that. Enjoy yourself and give her that space and time and maybe even blow her off a little..after a week or two of that she'll be all over your business. At least thats how my experience went..of course I'm still blowing her off and taking another woman to our company xmas party...so just keep an open mind and don't read into it too much. Enjoy whatever it is she offers you in the long haul and eventually she's going to indicate verbally or sexually when the time is right to proceed. I hope this helps and goodluck!

Thanks very much for your advice.

I know that she is still in touch with her ex - but as an example of how harsh she can be, she started to goad him by reading out one of his begging texts to me in BED! This set off alarm bells that maybe she is just a player who likes male attention. But then again, she is very very shy, and perhaps its all insecurity that makes her do things like this.

The truth is - i have now deleted her number from my phone, and her emails and texts. I always do this if I feel i am too tempted to get in touch with her, so now the only way i'll ever hear back is if she gets in touch with me. Its maybe a bit of a extreme thing to do, but its the only way i can know that i wont end up begging for her back.

Its also a difficult time of the year to be getting involved with someone over xmas and NYE, peoples schedules are all over the place and they want time with their friends.

In honesty i am gutted about the situation, but do also feel that I scared her off by being a bit too full on in the bedroom (it was only a grope of the bosom, but she thought i was taking it too far and too quick), so am partly to blame and I regret that an did apologise.

I guess i just have to leave her to it, although i still dont understand why she would feel it necessary to string me along.

[Justsomeone22]

I do the same thing with numbers and such to take the temptation away so it's not to extreme in my eyes. A grope of the boob isn't too terrible considering the fact that...you were alone...and in BED! No need for an apology, you were just testing the boundaries and found it out. That's a good time, yea this time of year is also horrible to be single. But NYE and such are also wonderful times to start something new. I've heard countless stories of romance from a NYE party and such. Hang in there and it will fall into place however you deserve for it too! I hope it goes the way you want it to!