Unsure of what to do?

[katie2012]

Recently I received an email from my estranged husband and I am not sure if I should reply or not if it will help me move forward or if its pointless so am hoping for some advice.

Background to the story

Last year I discovered some text messages from my husbands work colleague on his phone that indicated he had been cheating, after 10 years together I had never checked his phone till one night seeing him take it into the bathroom and thinking this was weird. Anyway the messages were clearly showing that something had been going on so I confronted him, he denied everything deleted the messages and said he loved me even calling the girl and telling her to stop messaging him. As I thought he would never do something like this and there was no more evidence I believed him that nothing was going on.

Anyway a month or so later my dad got diagnosed with cancer and was in hospital, I was pretty upset to see my father who had never been sick in my life dealing with this, at home my husband was icey and cold to me at a time when I needed love and support so I confronted him that's when he dropped the bombshell he thought we should break up, I begged him to do some counselling which he agreed to and basically dealt with him being icey and dad in hospital.
A week or so later I checked his phone and there had been more messages from this girl so I confronted him and he again denied everything - it showed a log of dates and times but the messages themselves he deleted. Because he denied everything after promising to not message her I said he could leave, which he didn't really argue with and took most of his stuff, as he was leaving because I was so hurt I said I wanted a divorce and he wasn't to contact me again.
A few weeks later he messaged me saying he loved and missed me and wanted to see if I felt the same, and wanted to meet up, but never really tried too hard (eg I sent him a message saying I could do with a hug and he was "busy" with a mate somewhere). Anyway we met up for dinner and he seemed to say he missed me etc but there had been no real actions (he knows where I lived and worked and the hospital dad was in so if he really wanted to show his love he could have stepped up and been there). So I said I didn't want to make it work and asked he leave me alone to focus on my dad.
I guess with the huge betrayl and lack of support I felt with dad, I needed some action to counteract this which never seemed to happen, so I didn't want to put myself out there to be hurt again.
Months later on my birthday he sent me a message as if we had never been apart, which made me made and I sent him an angry sms back, what came of this is I pointed out he never really tried to fight for me and giving him one more chance.
Again there was no real actions just a dinner where when I brought up the girl as I never really got answers he asked why I kept bringing this up? But then felt the need to discuss my flaws (namely that I don't close kitchen cupboards).
I felt he didn't get the magnitude of what he did, here I had support him through many of his personal and family drama's for years, through his grandmother dying and his battle with anxiety and it was the first time I really needed support and he didn't even care enough to do that even if he wanted out of the marriage don't I deserve that support?
He really didn't say much at all to all of these things I said about the hurt he caused me, and the extra stress on my father worrying about this when he should be focusing on just himself.
Because he failed again to show me any love, passion etc in actions I said I didn't want to make it work, he got angry and then wanted the rest of his stuff and was sending me pretty abusive emails
Anyway he picked up his stuff was an arse and then tried to meet up for dinner a few weeks later which I avoided.
A few months later I met a lovely man who shows me support love and passion, and shows me everything in actions which I had been yearning for and he is so supportive and knows everything about my previous relationship.
Anyway late last year I found out that my husband is dating the girl he had an affair with which in one way proved I was right to make the decisions I did but hurt that she had replaced me in his life and that I could marry someone like that.
Moving forward to this week my husband send me an email saying how he regrets what happened and not sure he will get over it but the resentment has gone??
He then goes on to talk about his family - I think he wants forgiveness and it seems like he misses talking to me, I don't know what to do? I don't want to be with him again but I do still feel upset and hurt over what happened, even though I don't want revenge or hate him I am still feel hurt about everything, and want to know how to make this stop, I love my current boyfriend alot and am very happy with him, is it normal to still hold this other pain though? What is the best way to resolve this, should I reply to my husband with how i feel will this make me feel better or do i leave it as i don't know think he will give me any answers that would make me understand this from my previous experiences will it make me feel better to tell him how I feel?
anyone with similar experiences?

[vashti]

If you have no children with him, I would tell him to never contact you or your family again. I don't see how you could ever really forgive him for the way he behaved at a time when you were in most need of support, and I doubt anything he could say will make you feel better about it.

[Wakeup]

What will corresponding with him accomplish for you (if anything)? Me? I'd email him and tell him to stop feeling guilty for his piss-poor behaviour, that I was quite happy now and I'd thank him for giving me the chance to find the man I was actually meant to be with. I'd wish him well and tell him that I was going to be blocking and deleting him so no sense emailing me again. Swooooosh! Cleansed from him.

[katie2012]

Thanks it's nice to have a different point of view I think your right about no contact I have pretty much resolved that I won't get the answers I want anyway I think I haw been doing pretty well coping ad moving on but I want to stop thinking about the betrayal maybe I should talk to someone to get it all out and process it as its strange to feel this but also not want him but someone else never felt like this before!