Problem with boyfriend and baby

[Sarita1126]

Hello all, I am new here so hope I am posting correctly. I will try to make this as concise as possible while giving all the details.

My boyfriend and I began dating 8/12. In late October I found out I was 7 months pregnant eith my ex's child (yes, I really didn't know). Well he decided to stay with me, but we agreed not to do adoption or anything until much later.

My son is now 9 months old and I thought we were happy, though broke a lot. Today BF told me that he has been feeling angry the past few weeks and doesn't know why, but he is unable to love baby as he feels he should. He can't bond. So we are taking a break for a couple of weeks-months. He wants to try to be a dad but doesn't know how to help make himself ready.

I've heard from other.women that the fathers tend to have problems the first year, and some end up separating and working out, while some don't. I am totally lost, we both want this to work but he doesn't know how to be a dad. I know if he takes his time, once my son is a "person" and is able to communicate they will be better together.

Our plan is to spend some time apart, after I come back home (we live together), we make sure to take date nights and try to give them bonding time. At this point, I am just asking for any advice, for us, for him and my son... What should we do? I appreciate polite responses

[surfhb2]

I'm not sure I understand....so please help

You just had a child from an ex bf and now you are confused why your live in bf is not bonding with the child and its getting in the way of your relationship? Are you serious?!?!?

[Starnique]

He wants to try to be a dad but doesn't know how to help make himself ready.
I've heard from other.women that the fathers tend to have problems the first year, and some end up separating and working out, while some don't. I am totally lost, we both want this to work but he doesn't know how to be a dad. I know if he takes his time, once my son is a "person" and is able to communicate they will be better together.

What are you talking about? Your child is already a person. Bonding comes from the beginning. It creates the attachment. If it's not happening now when he should be working on a connection and should have one almost a year later, then it's probably not going to work when he gets older. Your child comes first, always. He knew what he was getting into from the get go. You didn't trick him into this. However, its not his child so he's not obligated to do anything. Where is your babys biological dad?
If he can't accept the kid then you shouldn't be with him. You're a package deal now. You need to let him.go his way because you shouldn't be having to wait around for someone to accept your baby. He's not the man for you. If he comes back to you once he gets it together, then fine if you're still open to a relationship. You don't need to pursue him. Focus on your life and baby.

Btw, real men take care of their responsibility from the beginning. Not a year later when they decide there ~ready~

[bulrush]

How old are you two? We really need that to help.

If he's not ready to be a dad, you can't force him. This is an issue of maturity, and you can't force maturity. Besides, many men have an instinct where they don't want to care for another man's offspring. Not sure if he has this or not.