How to not appear desperate

[Blakimus]

Ok, I'll spare ya the details but it goes like this: I meet a girl, we hit it off, we flirt, she makes eyes with me, and now I'm ready to make my move.

Here's the problem, I'm the only one in my immediate group of friends who's single. I been 3rd and 5th wheel for the better part of the last 6 months. I been single for a few years and I am REALLY ready for a relationship. my roommate moved out on me to go back to his family so i'm often lonely. It's only a matter of time before my best female friend gets married and runs off with her boyfriend and forgets about me altogether. Ok, maybe I shouldn't have brought that up because that's another story for another time. Anyway, to put it bluntly, I really want things to work out with this girl perhaps a bit too much. I hesitate to say I'm desperate but I'm certainly in the vicinity of desperation.

Now, I have enough experience in this area to know that desperation is the worst attitude to have. It's like going into a job interview when you're flat broke and you know you need the job. Plus, I've been with enough women to know they're sharks who can smell blood in the water when it comes to desperate men. So, my question is, how do I appear not desperate? Is there a way to behave to throw off my desperation scent (sticking with the shark/blood metaphor here)? Things not to do? Things not to say?

Also, I should probably add that my attraction to her has nothing to do with my current situation. I would be interested in her regardless. I don't lower my standards no matter what.

[elphie]

don't be clingy, as in calling/texting/emailing all the time and suggesting to hang out all the time. once a week is plenty to start out and make plans ahead of time. i don't necessarily buy into the three day rule either; i would say call within that time frame though it doesn't have to be exactly three days, and you could vary when every time (e.g. one week it could be the second day, another it could be 3 days, another it could be one day). being more random will keep her a little on her toes not knowing exactly when to expect a call. waiting too long though i think is bad; it makes us wonder if you are interested or if we were a last resort cause nothing else panned out.

things not to say: i would avoid bringing up being in a relationship right away and just see where things go to start out; also avoid talking about your biological clock (men have them too...my roommate has a coworker who is feeling his biological clock ticking, so it happens to guys too) and probably anything too serious too early on; it freaks people out. stay on topics that are more harmless, but still helpful in terms of learning info about the other person (e.g. schooling, family--siblings?, favorites--animal, color, food, etc). common interests are good to talk about too.

[girl68]

HAVE A LIFE. That's the best way. Be busy but ensure that you include her in aspects of it. Have your sports but invite her to watch, hang out with her after. Do a few things that don't include her but let her know she's on your mind. Call her when you're busy leave a message and wait until she calls you back. Get the drift?

Basically you want to know she likes you back so when you're pulling her give her the time and space to come to you. Don't pull, pull, pull and not give her the chance to come...

[Kristan]

Confidence must flow through you when you're with her. Pursue her--women will let you chase them if they're interested. Keep your chin up and be confident when you speak to her, ask her things, and when you're out with her. Be a man and show her that you are one while expressing your feelings at the same time. Show interest in what she likes, offer to take her out on dates. If she likes hockey, take her to a hockey game...if she likes to shop, take her to the mall. Whatever it is, let her know that you're interested in her. Get to know her without being a creep. And trust her.

That's the best advice I can give. Don't tell/show insecurities, fears, etc. UNLESS she asks.

-Kristan

[Blakimus]

I guess the biggest probelm I have right now is that I'm not busy enough. I'm involved in a n online business which is actually how I met her (not online mind you we're just involved in the same business) but other than that I don't have much else going on. I'm looking for something else to do part-time just to add a little extra cash and occupy my time a little. Because, as mentioned, I live alone and school's out so I sometimes get bored. i also get quite lonely being the only single person in my group. I guess I just need to not harp on it so much but I really don't know how to.

Thanks for the advice thus far on how to behave and such. I think it will make a world of difference.

[girl68]

You need friends... seriously man get out there enjoy some hobbies, start working out read a book, DO anything that you actaully enjoy doing.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, the only way to not appear desparate is to just not be desparate. If you got so much going on, you won't really have much time to think about what you NEED from other people. If you sit around by yourself all the time, well yeah, you are going to think about having a girlfriend and being desparate. Too often to relationships crash and burn because somebody was too invested too soon.

[Blakimus]

um, I DO have friends thank you very much! It's just that most of them are either out of town because school's out (the ones who live on campus and go home for the summer) or busy with their significant others. hell, i've even turned down a few social gatherings this week simply because I'm sick of being 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel etc. I'm also working out more and reading a good book right now. I guess now that i think about it I'm busier than I thought.

It'd almost be easier if I didn't have an interest in this girl. It'd almost be easier if I met her at a time when I wasn't looking so hard. There's nothing wrong with wanting to pursue he. I'm just afraid I want it a bit too much.