Hello everyone
Im 20 year old male and my sort of ex is 19 year old female.
This is absolutly my last resort and I like to thank all of you in advance for reading this.
I met her 5-6 years ago in a local club, I fell in love immediatly but i was shy and all of that bad stuff and every week she would go out and we saw eachother but i never made my move instead i had to watch her kiss other guys.
one day she hugged me and we became best friends but she was always more in my eyes.
I stayed at her side, she told me everything, she has been a victim of loverboys and she had been sold for having sex with 2 guys ,, when i heard it i was devastated but kept my confidence and stayed right by her side,,, she mailed me sometime later that she had almost been kidnapped to a different country but police busted the guys that where trying to do that, she was devastated because the guys where supposed to be good friends of her, she couldnt trust anyone anymore,
now here is where i need advice, 2-3 months ago in january, i met up with her, i picked her up and we chilled at my place we watched a movie nothing happened but there was and i felt it and i know she felt it was unbelievable chemistry.
we decided to meet up again , second date i picked her up from a party she wasnt drunk but slightly tipsy we watched 2 movies and during the second one she got horny and started to rub her body against mine , and yes there it is we kissed ALOT i also went further (with pants on just stimulate her)
3rd date we kissed and did stuff again
then i heard nothing from her for 3 days and she called me she put everything on hold, she said she talked about us at home, she had told her mom that we where best friends but i was definatly more than that and her mother replied that she just had fear of commitment and she admitted that whilst her brother told her to be honest with me and break it off so she did.
i was pissed and devastated ,
but we met up again
4th date we watched another movie on my bed but she was different she actually told me to stop touching her in a very attacking way, yet she pulled on my vest??
i was confused , and we had fights all the time, so that 4th date was on a friday and that tuesday i called her, filled with confidence :
I was NOT letting this happen to me.
she opened up she cried on the phone, she said she doesnt want to hurt me, and she even told me that her very first time having sex was when her best friends dad forced her to have sex at the age of 11, and before that he forced her to blowjobs etc etc, i kept my cool ofcourse and told her she was safe with me i was never letting anything happen to her. and then i asked:
I dont wanna do this over the phone but, would you want to continue as my girl? and it was silent for a moment and she replied yes. but I backed out at the end of the call because of her asking: did you btw ask me to be your girlfriend in which i replied well lets just go back to how we were where we left off. and she said okay.
i didnt see her for sometime , i still had contact with her on the phone,
now i was gonna go clubbing then my friends bailed on me so i went clubbing with her and her friend, i picked em up yadayadayada in the club she only danced with me and not with other guys
now here it is;
i brought her home and parked my car infront of her house we talked alot and then it was silent she was hanging in my neck and it triggered me so i went for the score, we had sex in the car. halfway she stopped and she started crying that she could never have normal sex again i told her that i loved her to death and that it was fine i was there.
ive told her i loved her before on the phone after she said it first though
but now she keeps saying again she has no feelings for me, how the f can she have no feelings? we are like a yoyo just going up and down bickering all that stuff
everytime i use the silent treatment i get angry emails or texts that she thinks shes not important to me while i just want her to miss me as a boyfriend because i ****ing want to treat her the best i can ,
i want to be her guy for the rest of my life that respects her and loves her
i went to her house last week and her mom opened the door so she said yeah shes inside ill go get her, so the mom shouted that i was visiting and i heard her yelling and she didnt want to come down ?
so i drove away and 2 mins later she called me said she was sorry so i told i was sorry because i had stuff to say like that i was sorry for treating her like crap (silent treatment) so she explained to me that she didnt want to come down and shouted because she was cutting herself and didnt want me to see her like that
please all i know its really alot to read but ive got nowhere to go, my friends dont understand and i cant tell them about whats going on because i promised her not to tell anyone.
please help im so confused , does she like me as a boyfriend or is there no hope at all?
help