Testing from this kind of girl?

[dragondragon]

Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I last posted, but I wouldn't mind some help with a certain situation I'm having. You see there is a girl I'm interested in. I haven't told her. She seems interested in me so, I start the ball moving and ask for her e-mail. She seemed in a hurry "I'll just give you my cell number." So I got her number. The next day. In 7th period: Art , I am in class at a table with "Her" and three other students.

Her: Hey, *dragondragon*

Me: What's Up?

Her: How was your day?

Me: Same As Always

Her: I don't care how your day went.

Me:..........(with squinted eyes)

She said this all with a very straight face. I'm not sure if this was a test or some other sign. I'm thinking it was a test. I'm practicing aroung the area of speech right now, yet.....I foolishly got caught in that one and said nothing.

What was that about?
What should I have said ? (Serious question)
Does it mean she isn't interested?


Thanks for everyone's time. I'm 16 by the way. And trust me, I know the greatest jackA's on the net. Tell me what you honestly think. Unlike some......(looks at Yahoo! Answers)

[anachronistic]

You should have said "Haha, don't be so jealous. You must be living a crappy one."

Girls are never straightforward and she was probably just seeing what you'd do.

[dragondragon]

Gah! A perfect response! I can't believe I didn't think of that. You are a genius. Any other responses?

[GrkScorp]

Any other responses?

First of all, that was really good lilwing

Secondly.. "interest" on her part..

Third;

"That's the worst pick-up line i've ever heard, but at least it's interesting, i'll give you that.. anyway.."

"If you're trying to hit on me, it's not working.."

"Does that line usually work on other guys?"

Feel free to notice the subcommunication in all of these examples..

Recent example:

I walked out of class, and on my way out.. I looked around the room to notice a girl looking right at me.. I held eye contact as I walked out for what seemed like 2-3 seconds.. I just went to get something to eat.. so came outside the class.. "to make a call" (obviously total crap).. So when I saw her outside, I picked on her.. casually asked her "Why'd you come out? Did class end early or something?".. drawing attention to the real fact of why she came out.. she had her excuse ready.. "I just had to make a call".. (If I really wanted to make her dig her own grave, I would have went off about asking her how on earth it just occured to her in the middle of class that she JUST HAD TO make a call, did the fact that I walked out at that time act as a reminder in some way?).. but no.. she went on.. trying to brush it off.. cover up her tracks.. her intentions, (even though I let it go! I wasn't even being hard on her! There was no reason to act the way she was about to act!).. She said.. "Are you in my class?" (Me: yeah.. I just came from inside).. "Really? I never saw you before" (Me: You were looking right at me for 3 seconds as I was walking outside, just before you had to come out and "make your call").. The look on her face was priceless.. she didn't know how to come back to that.. all she could say was.. "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, i'm out of it today" (Sure)

The point is.. if you have not been labeled a "friend".. or "just a friend".. or "only a friend".. and if you can get a good feel and gauge her interest, and even secretly laugh on the inside at the actions she's taking, how she thinks she's being slick and smart.. There will come a point where she will honestly believe that she has this "control & power" over you.. and the only thing she'll want to validate, is that this power and control is real.. that's the test..

So as a guy, you couldn't give a rat's @ss about social dynamics and image and reputation.. you could care less.. it doesn't matter.. so it either goes over your head because it doesn't matter.. or you just let it go because it's the polite thing to do as a guy.. But in doing so.. you make her belive that: "Ha! I just established the frame, he didn't object.. therefore he's accepted.. therefore I have this control and power over him".. Normally, if you're NOT interested in the girl.. don't worry about this.. If you are.. throw her weak attempt at frame control back in her face..

Would you take that from an ugly chick? Would you take that from a guy? Then why are you taking that from her? Well? Exactly.. Don't..

Word of wisdom; it's harder to try and take down a secure frame, than it is to take down an insecure frame.. That seems pretty obvious.. But by her TRYING to take down your frame, (via insults, bringing attention to any flaws or insecurities, painting an unrealistic reality, or just being rude and gauging for how much of her behavior you're willing to tolerate).. she's just exposing the fact that she has an insecure frame.. It's now a fact.. and SHE knows it.. but for as long as she feels that YOU don't know it.. she'll keep trying to take down your frame..

But when you hit her with.. "Look, i'm not going to go out with you, or have sex with you, and after what you just said.. you're definitely not getting my number either...., unless you say you're sorry and take that back".. You're rejecting her frame, and allowing her to come out of this socially awkward situation by having her accepting your frame.. Thus, pointing out that you know she has the weaker frame.. and if she wouldn't like for you to poke at that fact and remind her of it again.. then she should stop trying to attack your frame with any of her frame-games.. Believe it or not.. when you do this.. your now control the frame.. and everything you do from this point and on.. is seen through that frame of yours.. the more powerful, stronger, frame that is in control of the interaction.. Now, the fact that the two of you are talking, laughing, calling eachother, etc.. is because SHE is chasing YOU.. and not only do you both know it.. but you've both accepted it..

You've seen ugly girls.. wait! Politically correct.. "not as attractive" girls.. try and frame-control.. but it comes out wrong.. because it just doesn't apply.. they try and FORCE their frame.. where it doesn't apply.. and when you try and FORCE the frame.. you just expose a weaker frame..

"I know you want me, I know i'm hot" (cough cough.. barf.. cough cough)

So more skilled women will do the following:

"Can you wait here for a second? I'll be right back"
"I'm sorry, but I can't come today"
"I'm sorry, but I have to go"
(Notice, "I'm sorry" to suggest that you're at some loss that she's no longer there)
"We can go, if you want"
(Notice, "if you want", now it's your fault.. your choice.. not hers)
"Answer my question!"
(Notice, commands and being rude.. don't comply, it's not romantic, it's weak)
"Can you get me _____ / do _____ for me?"
(Notice.. "for me" or even the fact that she's asking you to get/do something for her.. wtf? Why?)

Now, no.. i'm not suggesting you ever stoop to the low some of these women fall to.. (being rude, commanding, not lady-like).. But know when to spot out attempts to control the frame; and know how to hit them back.. (don't ever try and impose your frame, that exposes an insecure frame.. let them do that, and make them realize that their weaker frame has been exposed and REJECTED as the dominant frame, implying that yours is stronger)

Best,

GrkScorp

[dragondragon]

A very intelligent answer. Way to find the meat within the situation. Top of the notch indeed. I really need to make sure to keep my frame stays secure because to tell you the truth it really is. I think you've just read the mind of a girl you don't even know. Thanks, I'll keep your words in mind GrkScorp. And look into writing, you have talent.

[bluesummer]

I just would've said, "Oh, well then it's too bad you wasted your time asking me in the first place."

I would proceed to shrug it off like nothing and go to work on my art project, or whatever.

She wanted to see if you would react or get flustered, which you sort of did by saying nothing.

[dragondragon]

Another great response! Why did I just say nothing?! I am knocking on my head at this moment.

[anachronistic]

You're young and you learn. Don't beat yourself over it.

[GrkScorp]

Why did I just say nothing?! I am knocking on my head at this moment.

Because in reality.. what she said.. MEANS NOTHING.. so the logical way to respond is think to yourself.. "wtf? anyway..".. and externally.. that gets translated as ignoring it, or just not saying anything.. letting that illogical statement of hers go..

But as Blue pointed out.. to women.. that "NOTHING" means something totally different.. it means "aha! he reacted, it bothered him.. therefore he must feel something about me, he must like me, blah blah".. (don't.. don't even begin to dig into this.. it's chick logic.. "chick logic = logic + emotions - logic + feelings + intuition".. which means there's no real logic involved.. so don't let it baffle you.. just accept it for what it is)

"He didn't call me back, and it's been like two days.. and then he called me back yesterday, but I knew he was lying when he told me that he was busy for those two days.. who the hell is busy for two days mister? My eggs are rotting! I can't wait two days!"

"I walked inside and he looked at me, but then he looked away and was talking to this other girl.. who turns out is his cousin.. But I knew what he was doing.. he was just shy and trying to act like he didn't notice me.. and tried to talk to her to try and make me jealous, but it totally didn't work.. I could care less.. that's why I thought about it so much and am going on and on about him right now.."

It all boils down to an insecure frame.. When guys are insecure.. they are timid, reserved, quiet, "shy".. When girls are insecure.. they are training to get the gold medal in the espionage & informational gathering Olympics.. They want to know.. all they can.. why? Because they are insecure.. and want assurance.. validation that.. "he likes me".. and when their mentality is geared towards that goal.. they have "he likes me" goggles on.. everything you do or don't do.. will most likely be rationalized in some way as a "fact" that you like her.. but she knows it's complete crap.. so she'll keep digging for more information and "facts".. And to feel at ease.. will try to paint this picture for herself, and try to have you accept it.. that she is the prize.. and you are chasing after her.. you want her.. you like her.. but you can't have her.. not that easily.. you have to work for her..

This is the thrill of the chase that women enjoy so much.. it feeds directly into their ego.. and self-image of themselves.. Those are the motives.. and when you look at how biased the motives are.. you start to realize why there's no logic to chick-logic..

Now, again.. not the case with all women.. this is why it's important to look out for instances of her trying to dominate the frame..

Just the way some insecure men will not be "shy", but instead "act macho" or "act bold & confident".. that the same way some insecure women will "be mean/rude" or "be a b*tch".. but in both cases, this is just a front.. an act.. to shield them from their vulnerable/weak side..

Then, you just have you not-so-insecure/secure people..

More frame-game instances (you seem to like examples; that's good):

- "Aww, I think it's cute how you get so nervous around me sometimes"
(Notice, attempt to imply interest, but uses weak words like "think" & "sometimes" which suggest she's not confident or certain of what she's saying)

Bad: What? No I don't, what are you talking about? (even if it's true, she'll think you're denying it, "chick-logic", and that's all that matters.. so don't go this route)

Good: (Sh*t-calling; she's full of it.. not it's time to let her realize just how full of it she is.. so let her try and justify what she's suggesting, and notice for herself how she fails to justify it) Why do you say that? And that makes you think i'm nervous around you? No, i'm curious.. go ahead.. i'm interested to see why you think that.. Interesting.. I wonder what else you "think" I feel around you.. One time I heard this person I liked say something like.. "I like you" after I said something funny, and I thought that she meant that she liked me.. but I guess that old saying is true.. "you hear what you want to hear.. you see what you want to see.. and I guess for some people.. you think what you want to think"..

Examples of failure to counterargue your frame control:

Her: Whatever
Her: HAHAHAHAHA! (The most common form of female denial)
Her: Yeah right!
Her: You wish!

Also.. remember.. people don't want to accept a weaker frame.. it's a huge ego conflict accepting a less secure, weaker, subordinate frame.. and accepting one's vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and insecurities.. So expect not only denial.. but something called "prescriptions".. in this case.. "confidence prescriptions".. and you can tell they're prescriptions.. because they're not real.. they're acts.. trying to assert relative confidence.. by TRYING to attack the other person.. to appear more dominant on a relative scale.. again.. it's hard to accept ones insecurities.. so she'll feel like an animal trapped against a corner.. with no way to get out.. her last resort is to attack you.. there's a term for how women choose to go about it.. a specific type of logical fallacy (ad hominem argument)..

Again.. she's full of it.. but if you like her.. and you're interested in her.. this might sound crazy.. but don't make the mistake of thinking.. "wtf? that doesn't even make sense! that's not even true, how is she saying that? whatever, chick-drama.. just let her vent.. ignore".. No! don't do that.. (sh*t-call).. let her realize that you know exactly what she's doing.. until she realizes that.. "fcuk.. I can't win, and i'm looking like an idiot"..

The myth is.. (Don't argue with a woman.. you'll never win).. and that's true.. if you allow her to go on and on.. and don't draw attention to her logical fallacies, false assertions, and personal/subjective views of what she thinks/feels her reality is.. If you just "let it be/ignore".. to her.. you've "accepted".. and in her world.. "she has won".. But the reality is.. all it takes.. is good sh*t-calling..

Cheating:

(Hypnotic tactics to suck the other person into your frame)

- O.K. fair enough, tell me why you "think" you're right.. (let them dig their own grave)
- Offer weak agreement with their weak points.. and disagreement with everything else.. the other person feels that they have proved some good points which you didn't seem to object to that strongly (yet)..
- Now, you crush their argument.. (slowly, for added fun..)

One last point:

For you: Ignoring means something totally different.. you can say that as a guy, you ignore when you fail to make sense of something said, or when it's not important to you..
For Her: Ignoring means quietly accepting an assertion made by the other person, and because you're unable to refute it.. you take a submissive role and quietly accept it.. perhaps even "pretending" to not pay attention to it

Which means.. for YOU (don't ignore.. because you know what ignoring means for her).. and also.. if SHE ignores, (you know what ignoring means for her)..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

I think you've just read the mind of a girl you don't even know.

:brushes shoulders off:

Thanks, I'll keep your words in mind GrkScorp.

You're welcome, but i'd be more happy if you keep the concepts and ideas in mind

And look into writing, you have talent.

Thanks, but books take time.. and there's so much to write about on the opposite sex alone.. nevermind the actual interaction between the two.. and something I personally find more interesting; "why" this dynamic exists.. so it would be impossible for me to finish a complete book.. what would end up happening, would be an incomplete book, with my name on it.. killing my dating life.. and disappointing the readers.. a no-win/no-win situation..

While we're on the topic.. I was watching the Discovery Channel the other day.. (yes, I might not get Playboy, but I get the Discovery Channel in HD).. and it was showing the mating rituals of fish in Japan..

Two fish stuck with me:

- Sandfish
- Kobe dai (very rare fish about a meter long, where the males are white, and females are black.. only three males have been seen in Japan.. the largest being "Ben Kei")

What was interesting about the two is how they breed..

With the sandfish.. for each female.. 10-20 males gather around.. to get her to release her eggs (which will stick to nearby plantlife, and harden in just seconds).. so the males try and quickly release their sperm to fertalize the eggs before it's too late..

With the Kobe dai.. for each male.. there are 10 females that gather around.. trying to get him to mate with her.. but the male can spend as much as half a day, testing to see which female is worthy of passing her genes to the next generation of Kobe dai.. after the male picks a mate.. they will "dance" for about 30mins as he pets her with his pectoral fins.. and swim upwards in a spiral.. as they both release their sperm & eggs respectively at the same time! More strange? When there are no males in a population.. the female Kobe dai actually turn into male Kobe dai.. their body changes, the color changes, and they start to produce sperm.. That is how male Kobe dai come to be.. That blew my mind away..

Anyway..

Best,

GrkScorp

[FoxyLaydee]

With the Kobe dai.. for each male.. there are 10 females that gather around.. trying to get him to mate with her.. but the male can spend as much as half a day, testing to see which female is worthy of passing her genes to the next generation of Kobe dai.. after the male picks a mate.. they will "dance" for about 30mins as he pets her with his pectoral fins.. and swim upwards in a spiral.. as they both release their sperm & eggs respectively at the same time! More strange? When there are no males in a population.. the female Kobe dai actually turn into male Kobe dai.. their body changes, the color changes, and they start to produce sperm.. That is how male Kobe dai come to be.. That blew my mind away..

This is by far, the most interesting thing I've read today!

Thanks for sharing that, GrkScorp.