Is it worth it looking love anymore?

[Charisma]

(wasn't sure of which catergory this falls into)

I'm fed up of trying to find love! I feel like men and women have totally different needs, with men being more concerned about sexual needs, and women(ok, so pretty much me) having my emotional needs unmet. Some guys even refuse to have anything other than a ***** buddy* type relationship with me. (which is fine, I tell them it's not what I'm looking for.) But there seems to be less and less hope of me finding a decent guy who wants a proper relationship.

I know that I'm pretty young, that I'll have plenty of time to look. But I feel pretty lonely about the lack of male attention, and I'm even thinking I'm doing something wrong. Perhaps I'm missing signs from the interested guys? Perhaps I'm sending out the wrong signals to guys? Perhaps I'm not looking hard enough?

Ok, so perhaps the previous questions aren't my real questions. But I would like to know if it's worth trying to find love anymore. Do good relationships actually exist, or are they only in novels and chick flicks?

tys for any comments

[Illusional]

maybe you need to be more aggressive in your game.

raverboy

[Kyouhen]

It's actually a pretty terrible stereotype that all men want is sex, but honestly its both sides, sex is of course important, but men who really want connection with another person are out there. There are those of us who want more then a good night in the sack.

Life isn't like the movies, but it can be magical, you should stop worrying and trying so hard, and let things happen naturally. Things happen when they are meant to happen, just enjoy your life.

[Barbara]

You are not alone in your feelings or your situation. And you are correct that men and women have different needs. That's not a stereotype, it's a fact of brain science. However, the degree of difference can vary. And the important thing is to find a well balanced man and woman whose needs are somewhat mutual, and not far out on the fringes of either gender.

Unfortunately, the proliferation of porn and prostitution on the Internet, has put more and more men and some women out on the fringes. The key is to find people who have maintained a healthy attitude toward love and sex. This is not easy and your situation is not uncommon. Please don't feel there is anything wrong with you. It is rather a sign of the times.

[Teddy057]

Love is one of those things that just happen, and you have no control of over it. Maybe you'll be at the store one day and run in to someone, and maybe you'll go for a walk and run in to some amazing guy.. You just don't know, but there is always hope

[vashti]

Yes, there are males that want a relationship out there. You just haven't found the one who wants one with YOU.

On a separate note, and this may be coincidental, but you might want to look at how you come across to people (I am referring to the whole fcuk-buddy type you attract). I mean, you SOUND like you are looking for a serious relationship, but you chose a sexed-up avatar to represent yourself on this forum. Might this be a continuing theme in your real life? Because if you want males to take you seriously, you might want to tone down the sexiness aspect just a bit... it tends to attract a particular mindset, while potentially alienating the more serious types.

[Charisma]

Thanks for all the comments! They all have great points, and have gave me stuff to consider.

Also...

On a separate note, and this may be coincidental, but you might want to look at how you come across to people (I am referring to the whole fcuk-buddy type you attract). I mean, you SOUND like you are looking for a serious relationship, but you chose a sexed-up avatar to represent yourself on this forum. Might this be a continuing theme in your real life? Because if you want males to take you seriously, you might want to tone down the sexiness aspect just a bit... it tends to attract a particular mindset, while potentially alienating the more serious types.

I actually thought *I wonder if someone will comment on my avatar* right after I picked it for it being too sexy, but then I thought to just keep it(I spent ages just looking for a girly picture). Because I don't look for guys on the internet. I'm extremely shy, and I hate wearing low tops or short skirts or dresses in case I accidently flash or look trashy. God, I don't even wear makeup until it's a special occassion! So while it's good that you picked up on it as being a problem finding someone, it's unlikely to be how I am in real life(unless for some weird reason there's something I'm doing despite being awkward that comes across sexual.)

You could be right in that my signals aren't letting guys know I want something serious tho.(with the extreme shy-ness). I guess that's something I'll have to look at too.

[xxazurexx]

You are looking for something serious, yet are always up to be a 'f**k buddy' for some guy?

Sorry hon, but women looking for serious, don't do 'f**k buddy' situations. And if you are prepared to settle for being the 'f**k buddy', don't expect anything serious to come your way. If men think you happy with the occasional 'leg over', which is the message you are sending out, then that is all you will get.

[Charisma]

You are looking for something serious, yet are always up to be a 'f**k buddy' for some guy?

Sorry hon, but women looking for serious, don't do 'f**k buddy' situations. And if you are prepared to settle for being the 'f**k buddy', don't expect anything serious to come your way. If men think you happy with the occasional 'leg over', which is the message you are sending out, then that is all you will get.

I didn't say I am fukc buddies to people. I said guys ASK ME to be a fukc buddy, which I ALWAYS refuse to be.(I hate the idea of open relationships/3somes/swingers-type things, even tho other people like that stuff and are cool with it.) They don't ask me to be a gf. Ever. That is what baffles me.

In fact, if I hadn't be drunk on 2 occassions, I would still be a virgin. That isn't anything to be proud of(of being drunk and having sex when I wasn't ready, or of having to be drunk to open up and have sex.) But perhaps those are the issues I have to deal with before trying to find someone serious.

I find casual sex unappealing anyways. As I've said, I'm aware of my emotional needs not being met, and I don't see why I should compromise when people say it's possible to have a great relationship with someone on all levels.

Sorry if my replies seem defensive. I'm only realising thro people's comments how vague and uninformative my post is. I'll be happy to answer any questions(within reason) to anyone.

[xxazurexx]

^^ So guys blatently ask you to be their 'f**k buddy'? Are these young guys we are talking, 18 - 24 years old perhaps?
How humiliating for you. I've never been in a situation where some guy asked me to his 'bed partner'....I'd have slapped him senseless! lol
I've been in a situation where a guy and myself went from exclusive to splitting up, to him wanting a f**k buddy' situation, but I've never been straight up asked to be one and I'd find it offensive if a guy asked me that.

I think like Vashti said, you just havn't met or found the one for you yet.

My advice: Hold onto the standards you have, don't and never accept anything less than what you want or are looking for and it will all fall into place for you. You will also be weeding out the losers/players, in having standards and sticking to them.

[cmacattack1]

Perhaps you are portraying yourself as too subservient? If you lack the confidence in yourself and certain guys pick up on that, they really think they can muscle you into getting what they want. Just a thought. The whole "painfully shy" thing really got me thinking in that direction.

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. While it's true that you may be doing some things wrong and have areas you can improve, your self worth isn't in what other people think of you. While I don't want you to be cocky, you have many good qualities and you should really believe them about yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, how will others? Something I learned the hard way.

[Kyouhen]

"Don't believe in the you who believes in me. Don't believe in the me who believes in you. Believe in the you who believes in yourself."

[official]

Well since you've been so kind and answered some of my questions from a female point of view, I will return the favor. I'm really starting to like these forums as well. Here is my honest answer:

Are you reasonably attractive? Because I'll tell you, a lot of guys have the same problems with self-confidence as girls. I'm a slick, good looking guy with an upper level corporate management job, and yet I still find myself looking at what I've had in the past and it makes me nervous sometimes to try to talk to an attractive female, for fear of failure. The main thing is, on a daily basis, I talk to many clients and I'm in sales so I'm into building relationships, but still for some reason when it comes to romance, I have troubles showing my interest. Maybe that's what's happening to you? Do you show your interest in any way when you are interested? Maybe that would help these guys out and they'll tell you they have been looking but were in the same situation as me. Anyways let me know.

[Doc Durian]

Well since you've been so kind and answered some of my questions from a female point of view, I will return the favor. I'm really starting to like these forums as well. Here is my honest answer:

Are you reasonably attractive? Because I'll tell you, a lot of guys have the same problems with self-confidence as girls. I'm a slick, good looking guy with an upper level corporate management job, and yet I still find myself looking at what I've had in the past and it makes me nervous sometimes to try to talk to an attractive female, for fear of failure. The main thing is, on a daily basis, I talk to many clients and I'm in sales so I'm into building relationships, but still for some reason when it comes to romance, I have troubles showing my interest. Maybe that's what's happening to you? Do you show your interest in any way when you are interested? Maybe that would help these guys out and they'll tell you they have been looking but were in the same situation as me. Anyways let me know.

Maybe honesty just seems foreign to you?

(just reading between the lines)

[official]

Well we aren't talking about me lol but nah I'm honest MOST of the time. None of us can claim 100% honesty. But I think all of us have this sort of problem talking to girls, as far as how I grew up the girls have more power over how the initial meeting goes than the guys do.