Cheating...?

[Maikka]

Okay so here's the deal.
Recently, I checked through my boyfriend's phone -- with him looking through it with me. I'm a firm believer that when it gets down to sneaking around and everything, then the relationship is over. The thing was that, my best friend got cheated on and found out thru text messages on her boyfriend's phone. So we talked and teased about it, and he confidently said, "go ahead and check my phone.. if you're ever curious.. or just want to.. you're free to. hahaha." I laughed it off and raised an eyebrow and jokingly took his phone and was looking through it. He was just playing video games right beside me.

I kept going down.... until I found this text.. from different girls.. of him asking them for bikini pictures and whatnot. This girl sent a picture of herself and he says something like "awww you're so cute you make my heart melt.." thats not the worse of it.

There was this long thread of text messages of him and this girl, flirting around and then it ended up being a game.. and in the end, they basically said that they would strip for each other on webcam. I still remember that day, actually.. really clearly. He was texting her while texting me about innocent things, I was working a booth at a festival.. Anyway, I cried about it, cried and cried and cried. And he just kept saying sorry, and that nothing happened, and he cried, said sorry some more... and said that I was free to break up with him, if that was what I wanted.. that he would understand.

To make things more difficult, we live together, and he moved up here, against what his family wanted, so we could be together... and somehow, he always manages to use that as somewhat sign of how far he would go for me... we're both freshmen in college, we're fresh out of highschool. Neither of our parents know what's going on, and we got apartments close to each other so that they wouldn't suspect anything.

Somehow, in the end of that long night, I found myself apologizing to him. For making him feel bad, I was trying to make amends for something that wasn't even my fault.. and I don't exactly know what happened, but for some reason, I felt really guilty for making him feel bad. I have no idea what happened...

It's caused such a big crack in the relationship.. and he thinks that its not such a big deal because there was no physical contact, and he doesn't have "feelings" for her. I don't know what that's supposed to mean.. and if any guy out there can interpret what the hell is going on.. I would appreciate it.

Most days, we're really happy. And I try my hardest to forget about it, but sometimes it slips out and I use it in arguments against him. Recently, he just told me that he was getting tired of me using it as an "ace" for every argument, and that I'm "mean" to him.

[Primo]

What's the question? Is he cheating?

Probably not physically at this point, but it sounds like he'd love to as soon as someone gives him the opportunity.

[Maikka]

The question... What do I do?
I obviously love the guy, but sometimes I get insecure of everything, knowing how easy it is for him to flirt with another girl and to take it too far.
But I don't enjoy putting anyone on a leash.

[Primo]

This relationship isn't going to last long, so I guess you can look at this thread as 'hindsight being 20/20'. Either play it out and be around for the bitter ending, or break up with this him now, move on in a positive direction with your life and meet a better guy.

[Maikka]

How do you know...? Is it impossible to get over this hurdle?

[Primo]

Just a hunch

Nothing is impossible, just giving you a guys pov.

[shheadz]

I'm trying to figure out what the heck he was thinking in letting you go through his phone. Either he thought he deleted those texts, or he was self assured and cocky and didn't think you'd actually do it.

It's a pretty disrespectful thing to do. He knows that. If I was doing something like that behind my girlfriend's back I would know damn well I'm being sleazy, and "cheating" on her.

I think if you stay with him he will eventually cheat, and you're going to look back on this whole episode as some kind of sign that you should have seen it coming. Right now he sounds like a cheater that's only limited by his options.

[Maikka]

Just a hunch that it's not going to last long, and that we will break up? Even with all the problems we've had (not that that's a lot of problems).. the question of not being together was never discussed.. I dunno. Does that even matter?

I want everything to work out. I really really do. I'm not unreasonable, I'm really usually apathetic even when it came to my past relationships. I logic-ed my way out of situations and I have a good head on my shoulders. I've never been like this, not head-over-heels in love, that my reason just goes out the window with everything. For once, I find myself being unreasonable and illogical -- and I think to myself, I never knew a me like this, but now I feel like I understand that there is a love like this. Sorry if that sounded cheesy, but its only easy to say that me and my boyfriend won't last long when feelings aren't put into play, you know?

[aliba]

you're really confused and who knows what else. ever considered seeing a counselor? I'm seeing one, really helped me picking up my interest on other men since my breakup because the counselor himslef is such a sweet, smart and sensible guy. LOL.
try it.

Just a hunch that it's not going to last long, and that we will break up? Even with all the problems we've had (not that that's a lot of problems).. the question of not being together was never discussed.. I dunno. Does that even matter?

I want everything to work out. I really really do. I'm not unreasonable, I'm really usually apathetic even when it came to my past relationships. I logic-ed my way out of situations and I have a good head on my shoulders. I've never been like this, not head-over-heels in love, that my reason just goes out the window with everything. For once, I find myself being unreasonable and illogical -- and I think to myself, I never knew a me like this, but now I feel like I understand that there is a love like this. Sorry if that sounded cheesy, but its only easy to say that me and my boyfriend won't last long when feelings aren't put into play, you know?

[Primo]

You're phishing for what you want to hear Maikka.

Re-read my original post, that's my pov. I know you want everything to work out, I hope it does for you.

[lahnnabell]

He had PICTURES of ANOTHER GIRL IN A BIKINI on HIS PHONE. He texted her about STRIPPING ON WEBCAM.

He has completely disrespected your relationship. He must've forgotten about the texts, 'cause I can't think of a guy in his right mind that would let his girlfriend read those. Especially since he pulled the whole crying schtick. What a chump.

Ask him how he'd feel if you had some half-naked dude's picture on your phone, or in your inbox. He'd be seething.

[TheWizard]

sounds like he was looking for an easy out to me. If he let you check out his phone, and played video games while you did it, I don't think he's very invested. He probably knew what you would find, and then backed it up with "you can break up with me if you want to..." It's like he wants out but doesn't want to dump you outright. He wants you to do it for some reason...

just my 2 cents

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, I thought about that scenario too. How could he have NOT known you'd see those texts?

I think you should call this guy's bluff and bring up what TheWizard said. I guarantee you he tries to pull the crying bit again.

[kms]

Did he ever give an explanation of why exactly he let you go through his phone even though he had that entire lengthy interchange with that other girl? I'm wondering how on earth he could have forgotten... something that drawn out doesn't seem like something a person would forget about easily, unless he does it all the time, lol.

Either he doesn't have a clue what is appropriate behavior and what boundaries are in a relationship, or something fishy is going on.

[Carmen]

The problem with you staying with him now is that he'll think you'll take crap from him anytime and may do worse things in the future. It's like you're losing respect for yourself by staying with him.. I know this must be hard for you because you love him. It's just gonna be hard for you to stay with him and not feel insecure or bring this up whenever you argue. I guess either you break up now or let him try to gain your trust again