Betrayed. What now? Advice sought.

**martiantimeslip** · 17-09-12, 07:18 PM

Hello,
I found out through a mutual friend that my bf and one of my closest girlfriend's had been sleeping together for a month. That was when I broke up with him. He couldn't even confess the whole truth, and only came to tell me about it after another friend hinted at me what was going on, and pressured him into telling me. That was about 3 months ago, and it's been really rough for me moving on. The first month after the breakup I spent messaging my ex and my ex-friend - screaming at them "how could you do this?!" I just seriously could not get over that the two people I expected to love me the most, could be capable of acting in such a selfish hurtful way towards me. They both lied to me, and kept up the lie, parading around with me, pretending that everything was ok. They both betrayed me. I guess what's really ****ed with my head is that I had no idea he or she was capable of that. I was in the dark about his true nature, but by my assessment, I had always thought he had a heart of gold. How could I have been so wrong? And if those are the kind of people I'm surrounding myself with, what does it say about the kind of person I am?

For a while, after those first rocky weeks of heartache, things seemed to get better. I knew I was better off without them, and had started thinking positively about my future. These days I still have regular nightmares about her, my ex-friend. Hate and pity would be the words I'd used to describe my feelings towards my ex-bf and this ex-friend. But, and this is the sick part, I find myself thinking of them every night, and I can't sleep. Sometimes I just mull over the betrayal. Sometimes I miss his arms around me.

Lately, I've been contemplating getting in touch with him - partly because I'm beginning to feel like this isn't going to go away until I can understand it, or circumvent it somehow (I need a resolution?), but partly out of loneliness too, I think. I wasn't even that in love with him, we were only together for about 6 monthsand it was always a bit rocky because I had doubts about my feelings for him (Did I think I could do better? Probably). The whole thing has kind of just crushed me... My faith in people and myself. Feel free to share your experiences, or offer advice...

**Boisdevie** · 17-09-12, 07:59 PM

Dont' be a stupid cunt and get in touch with him. He betrayed you, or have you forgotten. As for 'resolution' - what a load of psychobabbly bullshit. Get out there and find somebody new to shag. You'll soon forget him.

**Cerby** · 18-09-12, 02:53 AM

Read a book called "The Four Agreements", and just skip the religious junk at the end. Number 3 is "Don't take anything personally", and I think this book might help you get through this without contacting the cheating douchebag. It's a great self-help book in a field of shitty self-help books.

**smackie9** · 18-09-12, 05:50 AM

Tho what they did was shadey, you admit you were not really in love with him, it was a rocky relationship and your heart really wasn't into it....this could be the reason why he wondered off, shameful as his actions were, you didn't give him a reason to care. Now you are fighting over it in your head and for what? a relationship that you questioned, and wasn't that into it? Shit happens because life happens. Stop being a sore loser. If you contact him and get on his ass over it 3 months later, you will look like even more of a sore loser. Time to cut the crap, it is what it is, and there is no changing what happened. Acknowledge, accept and move on.

**martiantimeslip** · 18-09-12, 11:18 AM

Yeah, I know you guys are right. To be clear, I only wanted to get in touch with him in the capacity of friends, I'd never be with him again. But, you're right about needing to accept and move on. Easier said than done I suppose. I know it would be a bad move on my part to reconnect with him as friends - he doesn't deserve my friendship for one thing, and it'd be counter-productive for me moving on, so I won't do it. I knew I shouldn't but needed someone to tell me. Thanks for telling it like it is! Someone new would help get my mind off the past. I gotta let go of the past.

**martiantimeslip** · 18-09-12, 11:22 AM

The book sounds interesting - I think my problem has been taking my friend and bf's betrayal too personally. "How could you do this to *ME*" - but it's not really about me, it's about them and their issues.