Should i feel bad for hooking up with my crushes friend?

**DUKE546** · 21-08-13, 04:06 AM

So this girl I've had a crush on (basically fell in love with her) since high school and have kept in contact with now through college. Heres some background info on where me and this girl stand. Basically I told her how I felt about her but at the time she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, but we both agreed if we were both single we'd date and see where things went.

Ok well I just got out of a 4 year relationship, its been about 3.5 weeks and she recently just got a new boyfriend after being single for about a year. Now... she invited me over to drink at her house and just hang with her and her good friend. Her friend asks if I want to cuddle and I said why not... and as you can guess we ended up hooking up, basically everything but sex.

Now I'm pretty sure her friend told her what we did, not sure 100% but they're best friends and girls like to talk. Now I feel bad because I feel like I might of hurt this girls feelings because I hooked up with her friend.. even though she has a bf at the moment, should I feel bad?

**Wakeup** · 21-08-13, 04:19 AM

I think you should stop thinking about what she's thinking and just get on with your life without her influencing your thought process or your relationships.

**toknow** · 21-08-13, 04:22 AM

Well, it certainly shows how little you cared about her.

**DUKE546** · 21-08-13, 04:37 AM

Originally Posted by toknow

Well, it certainly shows how little you cared about her.

That's not a fair assumption to make.... I care about her and her feelings. Hence me posting here about it. I was doing exactly what Wakeup told me I should do, but Looking back it may have not been the most respectful thing to do.

**Wakeup** · 21-08-13, 04:41 AM

Respectful? You two are just friends. If she and you want to be more then that then get the hell off your lazy asses and tell each other, dump the filler you're both with at the moment and get together. In the meantime, you and she are free to do whom or whatever you want to do.

Don't listen to anyone who tries to guilt you for taking an opportunity when it's being presented. She's didn't wait for you and if you really wanted her, you should have broken up with your gf when she broke up with her bf.

Stop playing the "if we were single" game and shit or get off the pot with this chick.

**DUKE546** · 21-08-13, 04:56 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Respectful? You two are just friends. If she and you want to be more then that then get the hell off your lazy asses and tell each other, dump the filler you're both with at the moment and get together. In the meantime, you and she are free to do whom or whatever you want to do.

Don't listen to anyone who tries to guilt you for taking an opportunity when it's being presented. She's didn't wait for you and if you really wanted her, you should have broken up with your gf when she broke up with her bf.

Stop playing the "if we were single" game and shit or get off the pot with this chick.

I understand everything you're saying and I agree with most of it, I guess im just over analyzing it because im getting this cold shoulder vibe now when I talk to her. Guess Ill just forget about it and move on, shit will blow over.

**Wakeup** · 21-08-13, 04:58 AM

Originally Posted by DUKE546

I understand everything you're saying and I agree with most of it, I guess im just over analyzing it because im getting this cold shoulder vibe now when I talk to her. Guess Ill just forget about it and move on, shit will blow over.

Well done.

**toknow** · 21-08-13, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by DUKE546

That's not a fair assumption to make.... I care about her and her feelings. Hence me posting here about it. I was doing exactly what Wakeup told me I should do, but Looking back it may have not been the most respectful thing to do.

It seems quite fair actually. When I said care I was referring to deeper kind of care since you said you were "in love" with her. Your caring that she doesn't get hurt, doesn't mean you are in love with her and your actions certainly don't show it.

**Wakeup** · 21-08-13, 07:09 AM

... As I said, OP; Don't let someone guilt you into anything. One can't expect (they certainly shouldn't anyway) you to be chaste and waiting while she gets tired of her current boyfriend. Your actions were in line with your current SINGLE status.

If you want more, then talk to her and see if she feels the same, in the meantime you owe her nothing including your "love" when she's not showing you that she "loves" you either.

**toknow** · 21-08-13, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

... As I said, OP; Don't let someone guilt you into anything. One can't expect (they certainly shouldn't anyway) you to be chaste and waiting while she gets tired of her current boyfriend. Your actions were in line with your current SINGLE status.

If you want more, then talk to her and see if she feels the same, in the meantime you owe her nothing including your "love" when she's not showing you that she "loves" you either.

It's not about guilting him into anything. It's about him not lying to himself.

**michelle23** · 21-08-13, 06:44 PM

Yes WU he is single and free to do what he likes BUT I wouldn't want a guy who has been with my best mate. Too weird and I'm sure many women feel the same way so yes OP you probably have blown it so move on.

I recommend you stop cheating on your girlfriends. Telling a girl you like her and want to date her when you are in a relationship IS cheating btw. I feel sorry for your ex

I agree though-stop wasting peoples time. You basically strung your ex a long for f**king months, if not years while you emotionally cheated on her with your friend. Perhaps you should grow up first before entering a new relationship

**Wakeup** · 21-08-13, 10:56 PM

Well, michelle she doesn't want him anyway. If she did, she'd be with him. SMH. He'd have broke up with his gf when she became single if he REALLY wanted her as well. (she had been single a year while he just broke up with his gf recently)
So why should he worry if she wouldn't like a guy who has been with her best mate?

Originally Posted by toknow

It's not about guilting him into anything. It's about him not lying to himself.

Fair enough.

**DUKE546** · 22-08-13, 12:54 AM

Michelle Im not going to say youre wrong, I agree with most of it, but theres a lot more to the background story than just the little info I gave. I just wanted advice on this specific situation that's why I wasn't more detailed.

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Well, michelle she doesn't want him anyway. If she did, she'd be with him. SMH. He'd have broke up with his gf when she became single if he REALLY wanted her as well. (she had been single a year while he just broke up with his gf recently)
So why should he worry if she wouldn't like a guy who has been with her best mate?

The relationship I had with the girl I had been dating for 4 years should have end a long time ago. She didn't treat me very well but I refused to realize the fact we shouldn't be together. I tried to stay focused on the good and ignored the bad. There was a point during the year in which the other girl was single that she did try to go after me, she knew I wasn't happy, and I was about to go for her too because things were not good between me and my girlfriend, but I ended up sticking with my girlfriend at the last second because I thought I was confusing my strong feelings for this other girl as a weakness in my current relationship... If that makes any sense.

Everything I should of done is obvious now but with all the emotions flying around at the time the right answers seemed fuzzy..

**michelle23** · 22-08-13, 12:59 AM

Yes it makes sense but you should learn now from these mistakes and leave an unhappy relationship BEFORE lining up a plan B in future

good luck

**Wakeup** · 22-08-13, 01:01 AM

Well, this must be the first time I'm agreeing with toknow. If you actually and really cared for her and were'nt just charmed by her because you were unhappy with who you were with, then you would be together and no way in hell would you try to **** her best friend.

I still think you did the right thing though. You both need to get on with your lives without one another in it. You ruin each others attempts at being with other people with your emotional envolvment that itsn't strong enough for you to actually be together.

Stay away from her, don't bother with her friend either because that will just keep your emotional affair partner in your life even more. Don't be her friend, don't let her keep you around anymore. You deserve to be free from her so you can find someone who is good for you. Learn to leave someone who isn't treating you with respect immediately after telling them that their behaviour is disrespectful and you won't tolerate it again... and they again disrespect you.

Good luck with your next romance. Neither your ex, this girl you crush on or her friend are good for you.

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