Another Solution to Breaking Up

[dreamer]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost two years (21 months) and lately we've been fighitng a lot. We have a lot of problems. We get so angry at each other and we call each other names and we say things that really should not be said. He can't help getting so angry at me, and after all this time, he feels trapped. Like there are too many rules and regulations regarding our relationship. We have finals comiing up and since our universities are in two different directions, I'm seeing him a lot less, which is also a problem. He feels like I'm expecting way too much of him and expecting things that he can't give at the moment like time, attention, not getting so angry.. And i'm feeling like I don't get enough attention, I want him to call me and give me a little bit of time each day even if he IS busy.

so he finally came to the decision to break up . He says that he wants to fix it and taking a simple break won't cut it. He said he needed some time to do his own thing, which i'm sure is more than a week or two, or three for that matter. That after not seeing me for a couple months, he wouldn't get so angry so easily. But i think it's because we wouldn't know each other. And getting together after so many months apart would be really painful for me because i would always wonder what he did during those months and who he's met, how he's changed, how he was happy without me. He says my idea of staying together to work it out fix it and that this is the only solution. He said that if i come up with a solution a million times better than mine, he would consider it.

is there another solution to breaking up? that is NOT taking a 2 week break and ending up together? is there anything else i could do? or should i just accept the fact that we aren't supposed to be together?

[bluesummer]

I think, from the sounds of things, you are better off just going your separate ways. You don't sound happy at all.......so ask yourself, what is keeping you in this relationship? Is it comfort or familiarity? Love? Fear of loss? Even if you love him, it doesn't mean that you're happy or that you should be together.

And honestly, if you do break up for awhile and try to get back together, you proabably WILL wonder what (or who) he's been doing when you weren't together. Separations never work. Most of the time, when you break up and move apart you realize how much happier you are without the other person. I hope that happens for you.

I was in a relationship for three and a half years with someone I loved like crazy. Unfortunately, I was also miserable the entire time. Eventually I had to evaluate exactly what it was that was benefiting me by being in the relationship, and the answer was NOTHING. I walked away, and it hurt like hell, but I'm happier now and I know I made the right decision.

[vashti]

I agree with bluesummer. Also, I should warn you that in my experience, guys who say they want a break are usually doing it so they can sleep with someone else without guilt, so protect yourself, both emotionally and physically (safe sex).

[bluesummer]

I agree with bluesummer. Also, I should warn you that in my experience, guys who say they want a break are usually doing it so they can sleep with someone else without guilt, so protect yourself, both emotionally and physically (safe sex).

Yeah, that happened to me.

[dreamer]

So we are still broken up...but he calls me everyday. He says theres still hope getting together. He says that breaking up will fix our problems, his problem not being able to do whatever he wants. He calls and talks to me when he wants to. But when i call him, he says i'll call you back in a few, and doesn't for hours at a time. When i asked him why it took so long to call, he'll say, "oh i had to get ready" and then says his goodbyes again. I know he probably went to play a sport or a game or something, but i wish he would just tell me that instead of making it seem like he would get back to me within the hour.

i feel like this break up is only benfitting him. He, being able to do whatever he wants, not calling me whenever he wants, answering me whenever he wants. But i feel like nothing I want is getting worked on (more consideration). I understand that we aren't together anymore, but i keep getting confused. He says that we are not together, but theres still hope, and he keeps calling me, but only calling me when he wants to. When i call him, i don't get the time of day. i don't understand what's happening.

are we broken up or..? are we just playing games? im really confused as to what i should do. because i want to hold on...but this is really frustrating me.

[keeptrying]

I think, from the sounds of things, you are better off just going your separate ways. You don't sound happy at all.......so ask yourself, what is keeping you in this relationship? Is it comfort or familiarity? Love? Fear of loss? Even if you love him, it doesn't mean that you're happy or that you should be together.

And honestly, if you do break up for awhile and try to get back together, you proabably WILL wonder what (or who) he's been doing when you weren't together. Separations never work. Most of the time, when you break up and move apart you realize how much happier you are without the other person. I hope that happens for you.

I was in a relationship for three and a half years with someone I loved like crazy. Unfortunately, I was also miserable the entire time. Eventually I had to evaluate exactly what it was that was benefiting me by being in the relationship, and the answer was NOTHING. I walked away, and it hurt like hell, but I'm happier now and I know I made the right decision.

Awesome advice---will help we through my seperation.