Help with getting my boyfriend to forgive me!

[mackenzie-104]

Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Things are pretty good. We rarely fight, and when we do, we can talk about it after, and usually come up with a solution. However, lately, we've been getting into more fights than usual and hes been acting quite different. Instead of his usually compassionate, and empathetic self, hes basically been quite stubborn and pretends he doesn't care. Its quite frustrating when I am trying to tell him my feelings and he pretends he doesn't care. He has also been quite stubborn and will interrupt me to tell me my opinion is wrong. Usually, he would listen to everything I had to say. He also has not been apologizing first, but instead waiting until I do it, every time. This behaviour is quite different from his usual self and its not paticularily attractive towards me. At first, I thought maybe something was wrong and tried to be patient with him. However, there has been no significant changes in his life, and he lives a fairly stress free life. It has come out of no where. During our last argument I had enough and said some things that really upset him. To me they weren't terrible (given his current behavior), but they really upset him. They were along the lines of "you shouldn't treat people like this", and "if you think this is okay you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone". Anyway, i ended up spending hours apologizing and explaining my side of the story in a less harsh way. The situation completely turned from his poor behavior, and to me being the bad guy for saying those things. I know I shouldn't have said it, but its not like he was completely innocent either. He now refuses to forgive me and is "so upset by what I said" he can't have a normal conversation with me. He is less responsive and gives one word answers. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he doesn't want to. He also says that there is nothing I can do to fix this. However, he just said to me "I'm going into my hot tub to think about things... I'll talk to you later". When he says stuff like that it makes me feel bad, but it also doesn't make much sense to me. He doesn't want to talk about it but he wants to think about it? If he carries on not forgiving me like this, it will take over his life and it could lead to many more relationship problems. This is not okay with me considering this is a pretty minor thing and our relationship is usually very good. Any help with understanding him/ways to get him to forgive me? Thanks! (sorry its so long)

[gardenofjade]

Break up. Take some time and use the space to assess your life.

[Salubrious]

Well, by what I'm reading both of you need a time out. Reevaluate your feelings for him allow him to do the same. The fact he is making this a giant catastrophe says he has underlying issues with the relationship an is subconsciously using this incident to distance himself. Yes, defiantly time away will help lift the fog for you both to realize what you need to do.

[smackie9]

[gardenofjade]

Spam Bacon??? WTF? double deliciousness.

[VincenzoG91]

He has checked out of the relationship, at least emotionally. He hasn't dumped you yet, but he is working up to it. I don't what you said, but it must have been pretty bad since you won't even tell us. And if he isn't willing to talk to you to work this out, he sounds a bit immature. Anyway, the relationship isn't very good anymore, what with the poor communication, the fights, and the mutual lack of respect. It isn't going to work out unless he is willing to compromise. If you're living with him, you might want to start looking for a different place to stay.

[HeartIsAching]

Vincenzo said exactly what I was thinking - he's already outta there, regardless of whether or not he's said so yet. It's time to walk.

[SquabzZz]

Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Things are pretty good. We rarely fight, and when we do, we can talk about it after, and usually come up with a solution. However, lately, we've been getting into more fights than usual and hes been acting quite different. Instead of his usually compassionate, and empathetic self, hes basically been quite stubborn and pretends he doesn't care. Its quite frustrating when I am trying to tell him my feelings and he pretends he doesn't care. He has also been quite stubborn and will interrupt me to tell me my opinion is wrong. Usually, he would listen to everything I had to say. He also has not been apologizing first, but instead waiting until I do it, every time. This behaviour is quite different from his usual self and its not paticularily attractive towards me. At first, I thought maybe something was wrong and tried to be patient with him. However, there has been no significant changes in his life, and he lives a fairly stress free life. It has come out of no where. During our last argument I had enough and said some things that really upset him. To me they weren't terrible (given his current behavior), but they really upset him. They were along the lines of "you shouldn't treat people like this", and "if you think this is okay you shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone". Anyway, i ended up spending hours apologizing and explaining my side of the story in a less harsh way. The situation completely turned from his poor behavior, and to me being the bad guy for saying those things. I know I shouldn't have said it, but its not like he was completely innocent either. He now refuses to forgive me and is "so upset by what I said" he can't have a normal conversation with me. He is less responsive and gives one word answers. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he doesn't want to. He also says that there is nothing I can do to fix this. However, he just said to me "I'm going into my hot tub to think about things... I'll talk to you later". When he says stuff like that it makes me feel bad, but it also doesn't make much sense to me. He doesn't want to talk about it but he wants to think about it? If he carries on not forgiving me like this, it will take over his life and it could lead to many more relationship problems. This is not okay with me considering this is a pretty minor thing and our relationship is usually very good. Any help with understanding him/ways to get him to forgive me? Thanks! (sorry its so long)

this is EASY to put right number 1. give him a little space 2. apologise but mean it say something like "i do not want to hurt your feelings and im sorry for that" its more effective than "im sorry" after you give him some space show him some attention... he will be ok dont worry about it

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Vincenzo is right. You said this behavior has come out of nowhere and nothing has changed in his life, and you might be right from an external perspective. It sounds like quite a bit has changed internally, if his attitude has changed so drastically. Doesn't sound like you have the balls to break up with him first though. Do you?