I will try to make this as brief as I can...I had been dating someone for a total of 4 years before I decided to let go. After 2 1/2 years of dating, I became pregnant. We both went to the doctors to confirm it (seeing an ultrasound and there was a baby in my belly!!!) After we left, my "fiance" immediately TOLD me that we had to terminate the pregnancy because of financial reasons (though he and I both had jobs...oddly).
I begged and pleaded with him to change his mind but he wasnt having it, stating that it is not me, its just the "timing". With all the stress that I was going through, not to mention slight complications with the pregnancy...I miscarried. I stayed with him for another year or so, until I got the strength to walk away. I has been a couple of years now and he is calling me, begging and pleading for me to take him back (constantly apologizing for what he said and how he treated me while I was pregnant). I am in a positive relationship now and I was honest with my ex and told him that I am seeing a really great man.
I guess my question is...should I go back with my ex since we had such a long history? We had our hard times, as well as any other couple, but his mistreatment of me, the bad things he said to me and him being angry that I was pregnant was the cause for me to walk away. Do people change? Was his actions a mistake because he was scared or is he just a man who does not want any responsibility???? I am struggling with this decision because he really wants to start again, BUT I dont want to make a mistake in choosing the wrong man...Any help would be greatful (male comments are greatly welcome).
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20-04-09, 12:32 PM #1
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My "fiance" told me to have an abortion...
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20-04-09, 12:37 PM #2
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I think your question should be, why are you posting the same damn thing over and over in multiple forums rather than posting it once and waiting for an answer?
"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."
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20-04-09, 01:09 PM #3
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Where did this paragraph come from? Tell me the reason you are considering going back to the man that caused you "maltreatment" when you are seeing a really great man right now? It doesn't make sense. Do you secretly enjoy this kind of drama?
Originally Posted by beautifulone
Also make sure you get dealbreakers and the guy's viewpoint on these things before actually getting in that situation.If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~ Marilyn Monroe
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20-04-09, 01:49 PM #4
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poeple can change its harder for some than others...
what i suggest you need to think about is he was being selfish and makeing you have an abortion making you stressed and that is a big deal, it seems as though you really wanted it, also are you looking for a comitted relationship, how does your current partner feel about a long term comitment
i would suggesting telling him to wait.. let your current relationship go through if your happy with what you have why leave it for a 'chance' at an old relationship that has been and gone, but leave the door open keep him as a friend see how he reacts, you can probably tell if he has changed by how he reacts
What happened through the year that it lasted after the miscarriage that pushed you over the edge to leave him?
why was he not sorry during this year?
im no were near an expert just giving my oppinionFor every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.
~ by Ivan Panin ~
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20-04-09, 02:01 PM #5
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you already have something that is good you greedy woman... why would you want to throw it away for another?
raverboy...this is just my perspective on the situation...
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20-04-09, 02:16 PM #6
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Why do you want to go back to your ex... if you have such a great man right now? What brought this 'dilemma' about?
"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
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20-04-09, 03:15 PM #7
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For the same reason she wrote in another forum here that she was forced to have an abortion instead of told to? Originally Posted by Aeradalia
She likes drama, she's an idiot and doesn't respect her current boyfriend enough, she never took the time to resolve her old feelings for someone who obviously didn't care what she wanted when she became pregnant with his child...
You know, drama. Excitement. Damn us low drama boring folk. It isn't a relationship unless it's codependent, and ****ed up, and full of intense but useless and damaging emotion because any real relationship without that codependent mental chemical whack just won't do?"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."
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20-04-09, 08:21 PM #8
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Clearly you're not an expert as you have failed at reading comprehension. Originally Posted by Satyrn
She miscarried.
She didn't get a f*cking abortion, but it makes him sound a lot worse if she presents the facts that way, doesn't it?
Here, she should click this link on her first step to recovery: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/29251-bullshit-2.html#post443485[/url]Last edited by Junket; 20-04-09 at 08:24 PM.
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20-04-09, 09:22 PM #9
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Agrees... choice of wording... her attitude... definitely a drama-addict.
No offense... but I really hope the OP doesn't decide to have kids... not until she has this addiction taken care of. I was raised with a mother who loved drama -- still does. Almost drove me insane growing up.
Peaceful relationships are the 'jewel' a woman should be seeking... not this Jerry Springer rip-off. When you come to think of it... with drama-drenched relationships being the majority... wouldn't that make drama boring?"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
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20-04-09, 10:00 PM #10
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So, would you give this up simply because you "have history together" and because he "says that he will be better"? Originally Posted by beautifulone
Really?
Looks like a clear-cut case.
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21-04-09, 05:21 AM #11
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Really? REALLY?
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21-04-09, 05:56 AM #12
Whatever.
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Originally Posted by beautifulone
Okay.........help me understand why this is a hard decision.Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mohandas Gandhi
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21-04-09, 06:46 AM #13
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You're sane blue, you wouldn't understand. Originally Posted by bluesummer
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21-04-09, 07:11 AM #14
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If men make can make bad decisions because they're thinking with the wrong 'head'... then I guess this scenario proves that women are just as susceptible to their own primal urges.
Check the logic here. There shouldn't be this dilemma between guy A - who apparently treated you badly... and guy B - who treats you well. One is better than the other... go with the one who is BETTER for you... preferably in more ways than just sex and that 'butterfly' feeling in the pit of your stomach.
The brain is there for a reason... use it. All it wants to do is protect you from harm..."The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
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