Not your average "Ex-help" Question - I don't want my ex back!

[Lovestolearn]

Hello,
I have read so many questions about exes and quite frankly they were all on "winning exes back", which I am most definitely not interested in. Due to the vast amount of information on "tricks to win back my boyfriend/girlfriend" I couldn't find what I was looking for, which was more of how to deal with the bullying ex, so maybe a few of you can be of some service.

My problem: My ex and I dated about a year and four months before I broke it off. Initially I was going to talk with him and try to calm him down to remain friends, but there is too much advice about not doing that. So I cut it off, and he got angry and vindictive. The biggest problem is that we live on a college campus together and he is a social bully. It's upsetting and angering that, ten months later, he is still lying about the relationship and trying to pin everyone he can against me by manipulating them. And with their lack of knowledge and his cool use of pity invoking language, they believe him. Using his brooding nature and the situation of breaking up as, and I quote, "sex appeal." People I know and people I respect are getting too close a look at what is not actually happening in my personal life. I'm a pretty private person; I don't like to go around telling my business, so I don't appreciate that he is doing this - and it's quite embarrassing to me.

What I'm wondering, is whether or not I should continue ignoring his actions, or if it would be okay to send a letter telling him that I'm offended that he is publicly and privately lying about the relationship. I feel like my validating myself would be just another reason they may feel I'm guilty. Sending a letter telling him he's getting to me may make him feel like he has won. Furthermore, should I ask him what he thinks I did to mistreat him (because I feel I did nothing wrong to him except break up with him but, I have learned so far that I only see one side, so I want to make sure I've been doing the right thing - I also want to grow as a person, to have the best relationship possible). Should I tell him that he is viewing the relationship negatively and incorrectly due to the lies I do know he has told. Should I address his justifying his anger by lying to others to get superficial support, and by doing so he is being unfair to both of us? I feel that telling my feelings would help me move on and release my feelings of resentment toward him for besmirching my reputation, which I find unfair, but I understand he's trying to help himself. I do not feel his helping himself should infringe on my reputation, and I also feel it should be a little more mature.

Sorry this is so long, but I would appreciate some objective opinion. Thank you.
-Lovestolearn

[therealjag]

Sounds like you were in a relationship with an immature person - kind of similiar to me...

Its really difficult because I dont think people like your ex bf are mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place cos they cant handle the fact that one day it might not work out, due to various reasons.

I think you should continue ignoring him, sounds like he just wants attention and if you send him a letter it'll make him think what he's doing is working and its affecting you. just rise above it and hopefully he'll learn that you're not going to be controlled by him in any way possible.

Oh and whenever you do might end up bumping into each other or see each other, just make sure you look as though you are geniunly really happy just to show him that his childish antics aren't affecting you. If anyone else asks you about it too, just say its none of their business and its history now - you've moved on...

[Gigabitch]

DO NOT contact him. It's pretty hard to play the "why won't he just let it go?" card if you're contacting him in any way. Look, people are going to notice that he's obsessing about you and seems to talk of nothing else while you've moved on with your life. It may take a while, but what he's doing is actually quite pathetic (effectively so) and people will eventually tire of feeling sorry for him.

A couple of well-placed comments to people about how you wish he would find something else to do with his life than piss and moan about you will go a long way.

[BelievNLove]

It sounds like you have been an honorable person through all of this. Continue to act with integrity and people will see through him. it is always hard to hear untruths about ourselves, but contacting him will only fuel his fire. Continuing to move on and be happy will take away the power he thinks he has to hurt you.

[Lovestolearn]

I appreciate all the helpful comments. I chose not to contact him, and your words of wisdom have backed up my decision. I feel that it was the most mature choice to make overall.
Thank you all!