the abbreviated version of my heartbreak

[vorguen]

well ill try to keep this as short as possible, rambling... is something i can hardly avoid..

i am 19, she was 16. we started going out a week after we met and started getting physical (sex and what not) right away. we had what was about a 4 month relationship. she was my first love. she was at one point more than what i would consider the perfect woman.

a week into the relationship (on april fools actually, which is why it took me a while to believe her) she cheated on me. came clean with it right away, said some guy drove to her house, and talked to her for a while then kissed her and she did nothing about it. I forgave her, and im not gonna lie, was mainly due to the fact that i wanted to keep having sex with her.

unfortunate turn of events and about a month later i am madly in love with her. this is my first love, and the first time i "make love" too, the last two girls before her were random. everything is great she evolved from calling me her "hot boyfriend" or w/e to her "baby, sweetheart... adorable.. cute.. perfect" etc.

i was crazy about her and extremely nice, NEVER yelled at her, always brought our differences in a normal tone, mature, even when i had CAUSE to be angry. i always was very romantic and surprised her and gave her cute presents and wrote her notes and letters. even her mom fell in love with me (no joke, her mom told me i love you just like 4 days after my ex did lol).

to explain our personalities, im more relaxed, calm, into my own things like bodybuilding, nutrition, sports (soccer and tennis mostly), casual video gaming, movies, classical music (rock, orchestras, jazz), etc...

she was more of a "im a cool girl" kind of personality altho it wasnt too bad, she liked parties (which i dont dislike, i just wouldnt mind partying every weekend or partying never again). i dont even drink, i made a decision when i was 18 to never again and i havent, i decided for my body and mind to work together perfectly i have to take care of both and filling it with narcotics does not work. im a health freak. well she liked being accepted and being cool and was kind of outgoing and hyper, but when it came down to interests we were VERY similiar. much in common. both very affectionate and loving.

so i leave to spain for 21 days (im half spanish half mexican, but we communicate in english because she is american, i am fluent and i dont have an accent in english or spanish).

i come back and she is a COMPLETELY different person, breaks up with me the same day after hanging out for about 3 hrs, i try to salvage desperately the relationship because i am crazy about her for hours.. she says things like "i never wanted a serious relationship and im afraid of commitment" but when i met her shed shove things like "im the committed type and serious relationships is my thing" down my throat all the time!

turns out, she had kissed another guy while i was gone. I broke up with her (note she kinda tried to break it off already tho). that same day she invites me to watch transformers, gets all touchy and huggy and i get weak and i take her back. 4-5 days later she breaks up again with me, same reasons. im devastated, really heartbroken and crazy about her and i make very many desperate moves trying to get her back short of begging. for an entire month she kept me at "yeah i want you back" then "nevermind, i like being single" back to yeah i want you back" and "nevermind again".. leading me on constantnly and just dissapointing me.

so i tell her we can no longer see each other, we say our goodbyes, i tell her never to call me or text me or look for me. 3 days later she calls me at 6 am saying she made the biggest mistake of her life.. and wants me back "but is not sure".. so i tell her i cant take u back if u arent even sure.. a week later tho i call her and tell her i do want her back and she rejects me REALLY bad, worse than shed ever done. I found out, though, LATER.. that this whole time when i left for spain, she started smoking marijuana behind my back!!! im a mexican with conservative values and culture and i found that to be WAY Past the point of forgiveness. at least relationship forgiveness. turns out shes also talking crap about me behind my back, calling me her "love struck x-boyfriend" and acting cool saying "he thought i was the one"... she lied to me about this, disrespected me, betrayed me, cheated on me twice, all this...

AND I CANNOT GET HER OUT OF MY MIND.

i absolutely LOATH her right now. i have had some scary dreams about her, this is not in my nature or personality but it freaks me out i have never had so much emotion towards anyone.

she hurt me so much i gave her my heart on a platter and she TORE it to pieces.

i dont want to LOVE her, i dont want to HATE her, i want to be INDIFFERENT!!!

[vorguen]

What really hurt me alot was she kept telling me things like "i will always love you" and "your the best thing that ever happend to me" and a bunch of things that just MESSED with my head....


im a very obsessive person...

[kai]

I really feel lucky after reading such posts. atleast my ex-gf loved me truly and never cheated on me.

anyways in ur case I think the only thing u can do is HATE HER.

call her a bitch or anythin u want. it'll take time to get her out of ur head but it is possible and painful too . but u've to do it bro.

[vashti]

Right now you are still in the mourning stage. You'll be indifferent when more time passes and you move on.

I think you should learn how to choose more wisely. You were expecting too much from a 16 year old kid. I know you wil probably say "she was more mature than average", but she was only 16. It is very characteristic of 16 year olds to behave this way (indecisive, wanting independence, experimental, etc.). You can't expect a tiger to act like a bunny rabbit.

[anachronistic]

I think you should learn how to choose more wisely. You were expecting too much from a 16 year old kid. I know you wil probably say "she was more mature than average", but she was only 16. It is very characteristic of 16 year olds to behave this way (indecisive, wanting independence, experimental, etc.). You can't expect a tiger to act like a bunny rabbit.

this is a good piece of advice.

she is still feeling what i call 'puppy love', which is not the unconditional love that she thinks she has for you. don't let it distract you, this girl is not your type.

[vorguen]

funny story to add... just bumped into my ex yesterday... at school (she did 2 yrs of high school and is doing college in the same one i am), we were walking towards each other and i just saw her and took a turn in a different direction, she even yelled my name out and i ignored her completely, felt good!


she texted me like 30 minutes later with "Lol that was funny and Cold! Nah but its cool i understand... hope ur doin great have fun!"

which i also ignored

LOL on a funny note her MOTHER called me afterwards and (i forgot to mention her mother loves me and wants me to marry her, her mother by a week almost beat my ex to tellin me "i love you" hahahaha)

anyway she was like "oh i heard you bumped into my daughter today, she said u didnt wanna see her".. and i was like 'oh really? naw, i must have missed her'.. then she was like awww well you should call her like once a week, just as friends you know. hahahahahhaha.. she also told me she was gonna buy me a sweater (random i know, considering its summer and damn hot here, nearly 100 degrees some afternoons), but anyway thats the story

she said it like this... "i had a dream you were cold, so i bought you a sweater"... i think the mom wants me for herself, lol.

[anachronistic]

haha, i think she is realizing she is being an idiot.

don't go back to her, though.

[mr_fahrenheit]

Yeah man, you just have to forget about her (in a romantic way) and move on. The pain WILL get less in time I promise.
Sucks while you're going through it though.
One day you will find someone right for you, that will love you back in the same way, and it will be awesome!

[vorguen]

thanks, yeah i hope so. she used to always tell me things like when we first broke up "i dont want you out of my life and i want to be a close friend of yours" and what not but now i dont think she cares about me in any way. im almost sure she's going around with other guys, either seeing them or just being slutty, but she gets high with them.

she does not know that i know that she smokes, and that she sneaks off at night with guys for smoking / possibility of sexual activity. so she probably just thinks im being weird.

i had to use MAJOR willpower to avoid telling her mother about the drugs when she called me, it was more of a "screw her over" than "try to help her" idea so i didnt do anything.

[vorguen]

what i tell myself is "the person i fell in love with no longer exists" ... that kind of helps me cope.

it is true, she has become a completely different person, funny thing is, almost even in looks (5 times darker from working in the sun 12 hrs a day, weird hair color change, weight gain from narcotics, etc).

it helps me to say that.

[Junket]

You had "cause" to be angry?

You seem like you suck at expressing anger.

Expressing anger is not a bad thing, but it looks like you let people walk all over you. Seems like cutting her off was the best thing you could've done, but you came whimpering back to her a week later?

If you're going to be angry at anybody right now, be angry at yourself, then after a reasonable amount of time, forgive yourself, forget her, and move on.

Christ.

[Jimmy1218]

Dude, the mother loves you?! They're both screwed up.

[vorguen]

i dont let people walk all over me, but in a way, it is not in my nature to yell at a girl. usually with other girls i just end up ignoring them or blowing them off but it was harder with her cuz of what we had built up. maybe ill roar next time. lol. it is hard to make me angry though, very.. yeah the mother is very strange lol

[anachronistic]

i let people walk over me


and then i curb stomp their ass.

[vorguen]

haha i could say the same but i dont try to stroke my e-peen i try to be as honest as possible, sometimes i am a pushover