Is this Normal with Men?

[STW4]

To start out, I had really good male friends who weren't as open with me but always had my back and were true friends. Later on, I found out they lived two lives[Yeah, they loved me to death] . One normal, the other not nice. They always were good to me and I thought we knew each other well; but, I found out they had side lives that I did not know about. I always thought honesty was key to a good relationship but I don't know now. Am I setting myself up for something bad, if I am honest with a man but he is not as open as I am. Since, I have had this before I know sign they have another life, that is a hidden life [because I would not like it]. I don't know. I have a guy in my life and he is my friend to me[He always tries to push the boundaries]. Him and I talk very frequently... He acts like I am his friend on this side but I am in the dark on the other...somethings strange about it all to me. I have a desire to say it is weird but just can't because I don't even know anything his other side. I have been taught to remain quiet on issues like this. So I wondering if he is just utilizing his right to privacy or is he in a lifestyle that is unsuited for me. If a man is too private, is there something going on? I have never been comfortable with all the secretive ways of men. He always says I would know more if I am in a relationship with him, but I just do not see how that's possible.

I am just feeling like, "Am I at risk if this is suppose to be my good friend but they have a life under the covers. And I am more open... "

I need understanding all of this. Is this normal? And why is he behaving this way?

[rafterman]

Whats your gut telling you ? Good or bad ?... Friends still have the right to privacy, but to really get to know someone you have to date them, and then maybe live with them ? What worries you about this "dark side "... are we talking about illegal activities of other women ?

[VincenzoG91]

Most likely, the big dark secret is that each of your male friends wouldn't mind having sex with you, and some of them might have been staying friends with you just in hopes that they could get laid or even start a serious relationship with you. That's what "nice" guys often do, instead of just assertively asking a woman out on a real date.

[STW4]

Whats your gut telling you ? Good or bad ?... Friends still have the right to privacy, but to really get to know someone you have to date them, and then maybe live with them ? What worries you about this "dark side "... are we talking about illegal activities of other women ?

Illegal activity... is more of my concern. The guy is available Monday through Thursday but his weekends have always been off-limits. We met in college and I left but we are still in contact. I live in another state now but that does not hinder things. He is 22 and he lives with his mother. Ever since he gets aggressive or silent when I ask about the weekends. I do not think it is a women because of contacting him on the weekend and his demeanor then. It was like I called during on of his "operations". He said he was at the bank (at 10 o'clock at night). I heard other rough sounding men in the background then they turned silent. He has always stuck to his he goes to bed around 8 or 9 story but I called him around that time and that night. He sounded aggressive and like he was doing something wrong. He seems to fit more in with the night crowd to me.

When I ask him something that he asked me, he gets defensive. His answers are hesitant sometimes.

It has always been strange to me that he did not want his friends coming around me in college; he would ignore them when we were together and make them stay away from me. And if any guy looked at me "he would wait til I could not see him and did something to scare them. When I turned around "the guys looked like they were scared for their lives".No one messed bothered me when they found when they saw me with him(no matter how much they hated me before). He told me twice that "I could not hide from him and that he would find me wherever I was"[yelling] when he thought I did not want to see him. It is kind of strange for a guy that is suppose to be nerdy to have all of this command. He changes to a different person sometimes to me, then switches back. The other person is like a person who is involved in illegal activity to. That's just my opinion.

[LifeInflux]

Uhm... okeydokey.

Sounds like this guy is just randomly crazy.. and I don't know why you'd want to be in contact with someone like that, but to each their own.

I mean if you're looking to us to tell you that people who are doing illegal activities don't want to talk about them.. consider that done. Otherwise I wouldn't pursue even a friendship that flips out the way he did.

[michelle23]

why are you so obsessed with him? get a bloody life. hes not your boyfriend. forget this male friend bollox and go find yourself a bf.

who cares what hes doing. its none of your business and to answer your qs no its not normal. when people are this secretive they are hiding something-he could be at a brothel for all you know or dealing drugs but like i said already hes not your man so get the f over it, forget him and move on with your life